I Wanna be a Poster Child For Mental Health & Wellness
I wanna a be a poster child for Mental Health and Wellness.
I'm not a fatalistic. I'm not a pessimist.
I AM an optimist.
I AM a realist.
I do have treatment resistant depression. Code Blah, Code blah-blah, Code 3X Blah.
I AM open to new ideas, treatments, strategies therapies, theories.
I AM discouraged.
I AM resilient.
I AM tenacious.
I've been one to turn the other cheek. When MSer punched me in the stomach, I turned the other cheek. When HSer punched me in the face, I turned the other cheek.
I AM NOT a victim.
I AM NOT a coward.
It is apparent I must be prey.
I don't want to elaborate other than to say I was abused from the age of 3 until I was 8. Then my parents moved to the suburbs.
I HOPE there isn't another predator around my bend. I seem to be susceptible.
I WILL NOT give in.
I'm getting tired.
I, I, I…depression is such a self-centered, selfish disease of the brain.
I DO have Willpower.
I DO push through.
I DO have a loving, albeit tired support system. Collateral damage.
Why do I apparently have a sign on my back, "Kick Me" ???
Yep, today I AM having a pity party and no one is invited.
Depression IS contagious.
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
@audriana Shirley, when we reach out in our posts here, we never know who may be reading. As you have seen this time, and times before, our words inspire, support, and leave people nodding their heads in agreement. It is so good to see others respond. Being able to share without judgement, and know that we can make a difference, well, for me it means so much.
These little nuggets of wisdom and experience that we get to leave for fellow members to peruse can mean so much. On this forum, we don't have a clue of a person's mood or their immediate situation when they open a post. I bet many of us read, then come back after thinking about it all, after seeing how similar it is to where we may be at that moment.
Yeah! for all of us who share, or read without sharing, or strive to make a difference not only in our personal lives, but in others as well.
Good morning @acoblin Yesterday was the first time in ages that I participated in something spontaneous without having to talk myself into "having fun."
My daughter in law and my son called us last night to come over and see something.
Even though we share a property line and access our yards through a gate, too many times the journey has been too long.
Anyway, they had a father's day gift for my husband and they wanted us to see my son's new man cave.
One thing led to another and the anticipated 3 minute obligatory visit turned into 3 hours. My son had a computer generated sound system with the music videos magically appearing on a wall size screen. One song led to another. My husband and I went down a musical memory lane. My son referred to some of the songs as "backseat music." He explained that when we travelled, my daughter and he would hear 700 miles worth of their parents' favorite casettes and CDs.
I felt so good. That's difficult for me to say. My cousin always teases me about not having enough of the "f" word–FUN!.
So yesterday, I felt good, I had fun, and when I went home I read your comments regarding the lilies of the field. Your response was so poignant and added joy to the mix with your mantras: "You're stronger than you think and You're more loved than you know."
Your generosity of time and talent (TNT)… You're gift you gave me is invaluable. "Inspiration" and "Affirmation," are 2 "medications" you won't find in any formulary.
Keep in mind three's a charm, so once again thank you.
And @gingerw @hopeful33250, thanks for the introduction and your kind Awareness.
@hopeful33250 aka Lily.
Helping others can be a double edged sword. On one edge, helping others offers a sense of usefulness as a problem-solver. Another edge can lead to frustration when the problem solver has a "solution" and the one with the problem is not so receptive. Special educators often encounter this situation–the most beautifully crafted IEP can end up in the circular file by the recipients.
Combine my problem-solving nature with the intrusiveness as a trait of ADHD + all my other DSM ad infinitum issues…yes, exhaustion can occur, especially if my analysis paralysis kicks in and if rejection kicks in and criticism kicks in…
The decision-making, woulda, coulda, shoulda..shoulda…shoulda…
However, when I experience a sense of Awakening, ( I relate to the movie The Awakening because of the sense of my shutting down and eventually reemerging…no, I do not have a bi-polar disorder. At this time, I have: major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, ADHD & PTSD. Whew…
Anyway, when I begin to sense an Awakening. I feel I have a moral obligation to take advantage of my time, e.g. creative activities, not cleaning…
I now know I can't make up for lost time. I am getting better at admitting I can lead a sore horse to water-but I can't make him take an Epsom salts bath…lol…rme (is that a thing?)
I have seen my new psychiatrist for a few years, so he has grown to know me as more than a code. He mentions my Awakening and can relate to me more effectively. He understands that when I use figurative language I am not delusional. As an aside, a LCSW was conducting an evaluation of me for a second opinion. In the 1990s, a primary care provider told me I was schizophrenic. The LCSW ruled out schizophrenia, but did mention I was delusional. I had described my problems as loose strings hanging over my head and that it would be nice to tie-up some of them–to resolve some of the issues. Then, I returned to my PCP and reported to him that I did not have schizophrenia. "OH that…I was only kidding!
So I think that in general, navigating the mental health industry can be very exhausting.
Today, I am "A" okay…accentuating the positive, acknowledging the negatives, and recognizing that I can't solve all the problems I encounter–mine, as well as others.
BTW…yes, when my friend experienced her relative's suicide, I was–still am– vicariously grieving for her relative's death. Too close. I read my friend My Unsuicide Note…my contract since 2001, created by my therapist, God, and me– promising that I will not kill myself.
I've dealt with depression and anxiety on and off for almost thirty years. I've tried different treatments ranging from antidepressants to acupuncture, from psychotherapy to group therapy, from meditations to mindfulness. What I've learned is that not every treatment works for everyone. Like you, I'm a talker and I've found that words can be healing for me, as I mentioned before. Self-affirmation, expression of gratitude and journaling are some ways which I have found therapeutic. Another, and most effective way for me, is using words in a mantra. You may want to find an existing one or create your own that fits your personal situation. Use the tool you already have: the power of your words.
The following is a mantra that.got me through my darkest moments:
"Let go of what was.
Accept what is.
Have hope in what will be."
""Let go of what was.
Accept what is.
Have hope in what will be."
"Let go of what was.
Accept what is.
Have hope in what will be."
I'm working on reframing my brain. My doctor told me, using those magic words: "Research indicates…" the brain is actually capable of healing itself."
These bullies have been infecting my brain for months. For years, because if it wasn't these two, there would be someone else.
As I was repeating the mantra you shared, a thought popped into my head:
I'm a good person.
I'm a kind, calm, gentle person.
(I gave my granddaughters that mantra when they were young.)
These trolls have deprived themselves of my friendship and trust.
Their hatred is eating away at my brain–my joy.
Just like an infection, or worse yet–a malignancy, I have to be proactive.
I was diagnosed with cancer in 2006.
I'm a survivor!
I've got to do something therapeutic to get these women out of my head.
I need to eradicate the ANTs…Automatic Negative Thoughts.
"You're stronger than you think and more loved than you know."
If I get out of my head for even a second, I'm a winner!
I'm a warrior!
If you have a mantra for a clean, serene brain, I'd appreciate it.
Or troll disinfectant.., lol…let me know.
@audriana Shirley, the image of a troll disinfectant made me giggle just now! My mind was seeing a dustpan and broom.
Something that will come into my brain in times of stress and anxiety is, "Just breathe. And one more time. And one more time… One breath at a time, one step at a time". Not sure if this would benefit you, but there it is!
How are you doing today?
@gingerw Hello…my first inclination is to reply, "Fine. And you?"
It's taken me years to "get" that the asker of "How are you?" usually doesn't expect a dissertation. In this case, I believe your question is sincere. I guess I'm going to do some gnatting. You can Swat away at me…lol…because today I'm not going anywhere.
I was a wreck. I woke up to the trolls invading my territory. (This is where someone who doesn't know me might conclude that I'm delusional…smh–figurative language has gotten me into trouble. So has sarcasm–another story.))
I was distressed because I've been giving them this power over me. Why?
I responded to @acoblin and the mantra suggestions..
My therapist called for our appointment. I had already sent her screenshots of the posts. I wanted to offer her a timeline. I wanted her to be objective:
•the original post on the police department's Facebook group–a police report of a fatality, one driver, one motorcycle, one tree
•my question regarding a longitudinal study "Suicide by Tree"
•subsequent negative comments
We talked about cyber stalking because of the immediacy of their attack.
My therapist and I talked about mantras. For years, mine have been, "This too shall pass" & "To thine ownself be true." [the word predictor: owns elf…I see the humor.]
Bottom line, no dissertation. I'm better. We talked about my initial instinct of being wary when I met them. I didn't want to be subjective.
We talked about good vs evil.
We talked about kindred spirits.
I received positive affirmation regarding my projects.
In a short period of time, we discussed quite a bit. She was curious about Mayo Clinic Connect. I managed to squeak in a brief tutorial. As I was reading her my "discussion starters," I noticed 2 things:
• 7/11 will be my one year anniversary with Mayo…paper, right?
• I saw gaps in time, up to 3 months of inactivity
We closed emphasizing the importance of kindred spirits.
This was followed by a phone call from "My favorite daughter-in-law."
She says: "I'm her only daughter-in-law " and then
I say: "Yes, you are. Can you imagine if you weren't my favorite?" Bahhh-rum-pahhh…..
And then I checked my email.
Ginger, I'm feeling better. Thank you for asking. ☮️
@audriana Shirley, waking to trolls can be off-putting, no doubt. Trolls come in many forms, too, don't they? Kinda like a chameleon or shapeshifter, often blending in to the scenery enough to make you doubt yourself if you are really seeing them.
Getting balanced with your appointment with therapy can be a challenge, but it sounds like you rose to the occasion, and bloomed [okay, bad puns but you understand my drift]. And kudos for you to talk about Mayo Clinic Connect to your therapist! It costs nothing to take a look at our forum here. Which always makes me wonder: just how many do read our posts, never join in commenting, but find it all makes a difference in their life?
Thank you for seeing that I am nothing but sincere when asking how you, or anyone else, is doing. I like to think that being present here helps so many of us, whether we know it or not.
Kindred spirits, indeed.
Thoughts are just thoughts. They're not who we are. To eradicate ANTs (don't lose your sense of humor), I've learned to write them down on paper then tearing them up. This helped me to release them, to become separate from them.
As for a mantra for your brain, I don't have one. As I suggested before, you may try creating your own such as "I am not my thoughts. I'm more than my thoughts."
I incorporate deep breathing with my mantras (or any phrase of gratitude, self affirmation, prayer….) I deep breathe for 3 seconds through my nose, pause, then breathe out through my mouth for at least 7 seconds while I say the mantra slowly in my head. I repeat this for at least 6 or 7 times. I do this daily when I wake up and when I go to bed. It helps me start and end my day in a positive way.
Hope this is helpful.