I just want them all back again

I have always suddered health issues throughout my life, & had the most kindest, caring & loving parents ever, & both had LOTS of people who loved them too. I have always got on with people too & have many friends, many onnline, but they are intouch every day.
Then in 2016, I took my Dad to doctors as he wasnt right, with the whites of his eyes yellow & were sent straight to hospital, where we were told Dad had cancer. It turned out it was in his pancreas so surgery was to follow. He recovered amazingly & was soon home again.
In 2017 I used frontline flea treatment on my beautiful boy, my Collie Hutch, only ONCE, & had to have him put to sleep as it affected his neurological system, as once you put it on back of dogs neck, you have no control of what happens. So we had to lose my best friend.
Then in 2018 Dad & I were talking and he told me he was always bloated & couldn't eat much. I advised him to see dr again. But before he had chance, he was in bed one morning when I went & we couldn't wake him properly. So we called dr to come out, and when she checked him, we were were told he needed to go to hospital again as he was VERY dehydrated so an ambulance was called too. The dr gave him just 48 hours the MOST.
He managed some water before he went & managed to walk down his stairs, which took over an hour. Watching him walk out to the ambulance I knew that was last time I would see him there. After tests, it was found he had secondary cancer in stomach, just touching his lungs & it was terminal. Watching my amazing Dad go from a big strong man to a shell of himself lying in the bed was devastating but I grieved for him during those final 8 weeks with him.
Then my friends, my support network after I lost Dad, all began dying, one by one to different things such as cancer, and I ended up losing 12 of them.
So from 2017 I lost
Hutch my dog in Aug 2017
Dad in Oct 2018 - cancer
Bruv in law July 2019 - sepsis
Mum march 2020 - covid
12 friends 2020 - eg Cancer, an accidental overdose & one was stabbed to death.
Then last year I lost ANOTHER friend to cancer, age only 44 & mother of 4 young children.
And now my best friend in the world who I have been besties with for 20 years has been living with terminal cancer, which is called secondary breast cancer in the lung.
So, with my grief happening at different times & now are at different levels, I dont know how I am managing to get from one day to the next!! I miss my beautiful Mum & Dad SO SO much EVERY SINGLE DAY, and am dreading losing my best friend as we are as close as sisters. I do have 3 sisters but only hear from them via whatsapp messages, as no calls etc since the call to tell me my lovely Mum was gone, which hurts so SO much as they see each other & call each other, but not me as I cant work due to health problems which is a daily struggle. I feel SO SO alone & lost without all my friends too, & its affecting my mental health aswell now too. I need a break away from everything but not being able to work we cannot afford to go anywhere, plus my husband is just starting to get help for an alcohol addiction , which is another stress issue for me.
I just wish I could explain to my husband & other friends just how difficult it is when you feel you have NO family, NO friends left, NO support & some days you dont want to be here, but I wont act on that as I have seen the other side of it after friends son hung himself.
Sorry everyone if I went on too much, but just needed to get it all out onto where I can see it, & it's not spinning around & round my head all day every day , which is causing me migraines & sleepless nights, & I mean, NO sleep.
I am just starting grief counselling again in a week or two, but I know once that ends after 6 sessions, I will be back to square one again as to where I can get help, support etc.
Thanks for taking time to read this LONG message, and I send you love, hugs & peace xx 🙏❤

p.s. Also, just 3 DAYS after losing my beautiful Mum, my best friend of over 23 years just wiped ALL contact with me for absolutely NO reason , so another "loss" to add to my heartbreak too 😥😥