Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

I more than understand. I too think back to raising my son and now know how dysfunctional our household was. I too think everything could have been better...but I now believe I was in a major depression for years but simply didn't know it but always knew "something" was not right. As loving Moms, our sadness seeing our sons this way is overwhelming. Our hearts are broken as they continue on the road they are on with seemingly no hope of positive change in their lives. It's good you are in therapy, as I am also. My therapist is helpful but she is not in my shoes. Her 3 adult children are all OK. Yes, let go and let God. So easy to say, often so hard to do. At his age in life now, I never never thought this could now be his life. He had the world in the palm of his hands...but life went sour for him. He went down the rabbit hole and never came up. I thought he could. I expected him too. But it was not to be. And my offers of help are always pushed back. I have no idea what the answer is. People tell me "he must come out of this himself". Only he can help himself. Yes, I understand that. But it is not happening for several years now...and I see nothing in his future that is going to change. So we continue to pray & have faith...but sometimes I think God is not listening to me. You are not alone. Blessings to you and your son.

Wow, you are saying all the things I am saying and asking myself.
My son 36 is in a mental health crisis. He is living on the street. He was staying with me and my second husband but went into a horrific situation and came after me wanting all my money in my account and my car keys. I had to call the police. I thought he might get taken to the hospital for another assessment. But no they held him for 2 days and released him. With a court order to not contact me.
Now, I have not heard from him and I tried to talk with his probation officer and all she told me was that he has not reported in at all and they are looking for him.
Which means he is out on the streets and has in a major psychotic crisis.
I can only get him out of my mind for a few minutes at a time. It is hard to keep positive.
One of my friends said “ people always say they have to reach bottom, but when it isn’t them anymore is bottom death”

So many family and friends just hold it all against him. Like he is choosing this.
How do tell people it isn’t him! It is the disease!!

Like you and your son, we were always close. And now nothing.
He has no other family than me. And his friends have either left him or he has left them because they don’t believe in his beliefs. His only friends now are the people he talks to in his head.

So sorry. I understand completely. The ache, the never knowing if it will ever be ok. My son is staying with a friend thousands of miles from me. Or, that is what I think. I honestly don’t know anything for sure. His last visit here was strange. He isn’t my son mentally. He’s like an angry stranger. I’m not seeing any future with him … not like we were. Why? Why my baby? I know it’s not his fault. My husband and daughter are angry with him. He has no control over these thoughts. God help him. God help us all. I hurt with you riverbendab. No one can understand this pain unless you have lived it.

The past month has been especially rough. He has been manic and raging one day and crying and depressed the next. He has been very attached to me, demanding my undivided attention. He came into my room while I was watching a movie, brought his blanket and a video game and basically wanted to lay all over me like a child. After about the 10th time he had asked me what he could eat and rejecting all of my suggestions I finally said "I don't know, you've been whining and complaining for the last hour. You figure it out.' Then he started crying, saying that he was just trying to hang out with me. I tried to apologize and offer to go to the kitchen and make him some food, but by then the raging and screaming started. I blew it by engaging in the argument. I said something like you're 24 years old stop acting like a child, and he turned that into I don't love him anymore, don't want his hugs, and have broken his heart into a million pieces that can never be repaired. For 30 minutes he screamed about what a terrible person I am and has now gone to his room not speaking to me. I texted him a formal apology taking full responsibility for what I said. I feel like crap! All because I wanted to finish a movie. 😔

I am dealing with something similar both of my kids,i keep on fighting but each time i hit a brick wall.The laws doesn't help but we have to keep hoping they will snap out of it and come back to us.

I can sympathize with you a I am feeling and hoping for the same,I am been told the same things too,but I keep saying when someone is not in their right state of mind you cannot expect them to make decisions or good choices so it is a constant struggle,I wish the laws would change so that parents can intervene more

I totally agree and is is having the same situation,my son is 41 was 39 at the time i put him out because he refuse to get help and his behaviour got worse,it has been two and a half years since he be living in a van and getting worse.It us truly heart 💔.

@renee8466
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are in a tough situation with a 24 year old adult child who has mental health challenges that limits his self care. You probably don’t have time to yourself often and were trying to carve out time to enjoy a movie by yourself. I can relate with the interruptions and frustrations. I have a teen that has ADHD and some anxiety/OCD and behind in development and maturity to do more self care and take on responsibilities. It can be really exhausting (I am a single parent with no family/support system).

Is your son on medication and in regular therapy? Are you in family therapy to work through this together? Do you get help and breaks as the primary caregiver (do you have family/friend support)?

I had a similar situation the other day with my son and had a blowout before bed. The next morning, I went into his room and laid in bed next to him, hugged him, told him I was sorry and that I loved him. He knows I am struggling with depression and health problems/chronic pain and even apologized himself.

Did you explain to your son that you need time to yourself to relax and take a mental/physical break and that he interrupted your movie. You can apologize for your response but also need him to meet you half way. He should know that he also needs to respect you and your boundaries. If there is food in your home and easy snacks available for him to self serve, he needs to understand that he can care for himself. If he is interested in something more substantial, he would need to wait until you are able to make it and he can help you. You don’t want to enable his helplessness and dumping all responsibility for his emotions on you. He needs to learn respect of others and their boundaries while expressing his needs.

Bellsback,
Hello. My wife and I are dealing with a very similar situation. He eventually had to move back in with us 5 years ago to have a decent e environment to begin getting his physical, mental health back, then deal with his work situation.
This has been very difficult, but he is making progress--slow, but steady. We are looking for a third-party to serve as a mentor for new ideas and get away from the parent/child issues with an older child.
All the best to you.
OUMike

I am not happy at all seeing other Moms going through what I am. But it makes me feel not so alone.
I believe he is abusing prescription drugs...and is getting more from an other physician who is in Canada. My son lived there for 3 years before moving to the mid-west in the states. I found old prescriptions from 2024 and pharmacy bags with the names of a couple of amphetamines - all from Canada when visiting me. Yes, I snooped. So, he smartly has 2 medical providers prescribing the same drugs. The prescription bags had his old Canadian address on them as well as the sessions he had with his Canadian provider. I knew he was abusing...but thought he was getting them from the dark web or even from a supplier who might live in his condo. I never thought he was using his old psychiatrist or PCP from Canada and this doctor and the pharmacy simply think he is still living in Canada. He gets a 6 month supply...I thought "how does he pick up these drugs?" I figured out he simply flies there (not a long trip) or even drives there...he must pick them up personally and uses cash. I found 4 pharmacy bags with prices. He is actually paying about $1600 for these drugs at a clip to avoid insurance and credit cards charges. Pretty slick, right? I am beyond heartbroken but I know from previous talks (before I knew about Canada) he does not want to give up these drugs. He is visiting me right now. In the mornings clearly he has crashed. Refuses to speak to me and hides in his bedroom, often complains of headaches. By late afternoon he is animated, laughing and talking. But I can see he is still not himself. As a loving Mom I can not let this go. But how to confront him? His father, my ex is totally useless. He has a severe personality disorder and says he will do this & that to help him - and always always does nothing. He lives in the South. I know my son will explore when I talk to him...thinking of writing a letter to him. He sees a therapist periodically but b/c of his addition - misses a lot of sessions. This is about his 6th therapist since moving to the mid-west 3 years ago. Yes, he had 2 major traumas...and went down the rabbit hole and turned to drugs to self-medicate. I thought he had the strength to pick himself up despite it all and make choices to improve his life. No, we went the other way. He is a debating and argues with me on every point. He should have been a lawyer. He can twist everything around to NOT make anything his fault or responsibility. It always comes back to me. I don't want to lose my only child. I love him unconditionally. But he could die from what he is doing. And the thing is - he does not care. I am beyond sick over this. I know exactly what the other Moms are feeling as they are in my shoes. No one else really does...except my therapist. Who tells me he is an adult and only he can change his life. But when? There seems to be no hope.