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I hope it's just my anxiety or do I have HIV? Please help me!!!
Bi 20 Male here. So like 10 days ago I was super bored and felt alone. I was actually searching for a gay guy to flirt/have a chat wih on reddit because I was super sick of being lonely (by means of not having a bf or gf) so I found a guy on one of the random subreddits and promptly wrote to him. He apparently was living in the city where I study at so he insisted that we should meet in immediate. We talked on phone for a few days and actually the talk was nice. Then we met exactly a week ago from now. We definitely didn't have the best time but it was not the worst either and I think internally we both knew we didn't fit to each other well but we still planned to meet later within the upcoming week.
After I left him and got back home I started having an anxiety attack about the thought of him injecting a needle that contained blood contaminated with HIV to me without me noticing it because I have heard that some creepos in the public might be doing it. For your information: let go having sex, we didn't even kiss nor held hands. We hugged for two times and he put his hand on my shoulder to show intimacy (or to inject hiv contaminated blood to me?!) also for two times and we barely touched to each other besides these occasions. Since that sunday night, I have been having crippling anxiety attacks during lectures and at other places. I can't study or focus on my lectures. I tried to contact him through phone but he said he felt uncomfortable with me constantly trying to reach him so it'd be better if I contacted him through text.
Knowing that he had multiple sex partners in the past, I didn't directly ask him if he injected to me something like that or not because he might feel threatened and just blocked me. Instead, I shared my fear of catching HIV in the LGBTQ world and asked what did he think about it. He actually approached to me with a very logical sense and told me that he mostly is protected during sex and my fear is irrational and some stuff more.
I didn't catch any lies of him and I checked everything he said to me through his linked-in account but he told me he does not have a lot of friends here so that made me think he might be a sociopath/maniac that no one in the community loves. He also does not use instagram/twitter which might enhance the possiblity of him being a maniac.
Recently, I have been getting better with my anxiety and started to tell myself that I maybe "reach" to conclusions a little bit too much ( but still couldn't get over it totally). BUT TODAY after I woke up I noticed I have a relatively mild sore throat and my tongue seemed whitish-pinkish. Well, it's not actually unusual for me to have a moderate sore throat and whitish tongue (which can be correlated with candidiasis-oral thrush, which is a complication of HIV virus) but I am again freaked out and waiting for the 9th day to come so I can get tested asap.
What do you think, am I reaching too much and what are odds of me catching hiv in occasion like that?
PS: I have a history of being treated for common anxiety disorder and nosophobia. I have had nosophobia attacks (mild to severe) in my prior life and I just hope that it's one of them right now.
I don't remember being spiked/pricked and I am quite sure about it but I am afraid I might have not felt it with the flow of the moment.
I don't have a history of a sexual intercourse (protected/unprotected) or injecting drug abuse.
PLEASE HELP ME OUT! I think I am gonna faint soon
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Hi @aykut, you sound like you're very worried and imagining every possible worse case scenario.
Good for you for recognizing that this is your anxiety taking control. The scenarios that you are describing are highly unlikely. To calm your mind, what steps can you take? Have you thought of getting HIV tested? Do you have a therapist that you work with? Can you contact them?
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2 ReactionsI surely thought about getting tested. I think I will get tested within a few days (when the possible viral infection can be detectable).
Yes I have a therapist and you are right, I think should contact her asap.
Thanks for your advice
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2 Reactions@aykut
Hopefully it's an irrational fear but I don't think you can ignore it. I think you need to be tested according to the proper time tables.
Here is some information from the Centers for Disease Control,
https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/hiv-testing/test-types.html
I have read that occasionally it takes up to 6 months for a test to be positive although I believe you should be tested sooner but might ask the medical staff if you should be retested and when.
Jake
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3 ReactionsI highly doubt that you have HIV from what you described. This sounds like you had all your faculties about you during this date, and I believe it would be nearly impossible for someone to inject you without you knowing unless you were passed out. And let's be really honest, the chances of that even happening are so incredibly rare because you would have happened to have gone on a date with some sort of psychopath. I just think if you take everything in its entirety it's just so unlikely. You said yourself that sometimes you get thrush in your mouth, and that can come with a sore throat. You could just be getting a little sick also, it's very common this time of year. I think you're anxiety level is extremely high still and maybe you should ask your doctor to give you an increase in your dosage or medication if you are having these kind of thoughts. It's dangerous because like you said you're unable to do the sorts of things that you usually do during the day because you're so consumed with thinking about this. Bottom line, I don't think anything happened and I don't think you have anything to worry about, so try to cheer up! Just get your test done when you can the next time, and make sure you come back on here because I'm sure it'll be negative. 👍🤗
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1 ReactionThank you for the support, I really appeciate it! I mean right now I am having a mild nausea and an headache accompanying my sore throat so I just hope it's my weakened immune system due to stress or some sort of irrelavant infection other than HIV. I know the possibilities are not very high but some people are actually psychopaths and they are around us, living in the community. I hope I didn't encounter one so that I won't have been infected with HIV otherwise I'll be torn apart. Will let you know about the test results, hope I'll get the good news
I believe you're going to get great news! And you're right, you do have to be careful because there is really odd people out there. But, I think you're going to be just fine. It sounds like you're a little sick. And the stress from thinking about this is probably giving you a headache. Try not to worry!
I think you may be feeling anxious about doubting whether it was such a good idea to meet with someone you didn't really know, who you met online. And probably in the future, it may be good to be a little more careful. It sounds like the person you met didn't try to pressure you into anything you didn't feel comfortable with, and may very well be a good person, but that may not be the case next time. It sounds like you stay away from mind-altering substances like alcohol and illicit substances, so that you can be aware of your surroundings, and something like what you were afraid of is less likely to happen when you are aware and sober. So in that respect, you are already making very good decisions!
I think you should get your HIV test as you said you plan to, to set your mind at ease.
I'm so sorry your going through this. And I don't know how to be anything but blunt and straight up. I am a bisexual also and I feel like you do except I can drive myself into a seizure all because I overthink and over analyze everything.
I also have severe anxiety so I can relate..
And to be honest, you know what has helped me tremendously?
Smoking weed just in the evening and I'm right as rain and it settles my thoughts so I can focus instead of panicking.
If you don't want to smoke weed then CBD is good also and does same thing.
Sweetheart I truly feel that you're test for HIV will be negative, I just have a strong feeling about it. And I think you felt weird around that guy and when you were alone, well you know what I'm trying to say.
Good luck and P. S.
I don't have Instagram or Twitter but I'm not a maniac.. 🤣🤣 Hope it helped
I think you would absolutely know if someone injected you with anything. Injections are not painless. But please get tested, and get tested regularly. Please consider taking PrEP medication to prevent HIV when having contact with those who are infected. It works very well! There are also injections that take away the need for daily pill. PEP is also an option for exposure but you need to take it within 72 hours of contact. These are things you should have readily available to you and taking PrEP would prevent you from having this type of fear associated with sex and other intimate contact with partners. Do this for yourself! I am in Oregon and can give this medication over telehealth to anyone in Oregon. Any provider should be able to prescribe this for you. All people at risk for HIV should consider these medications and have them readily available for pre and post exposure if not taking them daily. We deserve love and sex without this added fear!