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emmur16
@emmur16

Posts: 32
Joined: Apr 07, 2016

Almost nonfunctional since I lost my beloved husband. Now my son...

Posted by @emmur16, Apr 7, 2016

I have been almost nonfunctional since I lost my beloved husband Emmanuel suddenly became ill and died only sixteen days after developing pneumonia on November 9th,2015.
Now I have learned that my beloved youngest son has been steadily declining after seizures which were treated but his other mysterious ailments such as skin rashes and other serious conditions could not be diagnosed. He finally found a doctor who was determined to diagnose my son’s malady. I hear that my boy had a biopsy last week.
Two of my seven living children know of my son’s dire condition, but did not want confide in me about his losing ground till the other day saying that they are in fear of losing him but not allowing me to mourn with them that Brendan is in danger of death. He has I hear, finally that he has arranged his funeral He will be fifty seven days after his birth on April seventeenth.
It is not about me but I am in agony knowing abruptly that he is so very ill. I will be 90 on this Sunday and a few days later my boy will be fifty years of age. I buried one son in 1996 and my beloved husband five months ago now facing that devastation of a second son dying. The news is devastating and life now has no meaning.
Does anyone have a child with the same seizures and illness which has progressed to the point of death? Does anyone know why his new and competent doctor would order his biopsy? I called to just hear his voice today and his wife answered. She is a hard worker and never misses going to her job daily. She just sounded stoic and resigned but kept her feelings and his condition under wraps but fear the biopsy results were not
good. I will only hear from someone lets me know that when Brendan is dying or already gone. Your input will let me understand why the first seizure is treated but the symptoms he has are so dire. Thank you

I cannot

REPLY

Hi @emmur16,
With the intent of protecting us, family members can make decisions to withhold information that can leave us feeling isolated and hurt. I’m so glad you found us here on Connect and hope that we can help you feel a little less alone. I’m tagging @ccorrconro and @mswanda as they both know first-hand what it is like to lose a partner and a son.

@emmur16, I wonder whether your son is having the biopsy to test for another medical condition and not because of the seizures.

@colleenyoung

Hi @emmur16,
With the intent of protecting us, family members can make decisions to withhold information that can leave us feeling isolated and hurt. I’m so glad you found us here on Connect and hope that we can help you feel a little less alone. I’m tagging @ccorrconro and @mswanda as they both know first-hand what it is like to lose a partner and a son.

@emmur16, I wonder whether your son is having the biopsy to test for another medical condition and not because of the seizures.

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On what part of the body is the biopsy being preformed? With my husband it was his lungs to confirm he had Wegeners . As far as my son he had his first seizure at age 11 while he was playing a video game. After that he was good until 2 Yrs later he had another seizure while playing video games again. This one was bad (grandmul). They put him on medication which could also cause seizures even though it was suppose to prevent it. They told him he could not play video games ever. 2 weeks after that he fell in the shower stepping in and out for a new bar of soap. I found him face down in 2 inches of water because the soap covered the drain. He could not be revived. The stress of losing his son my husband developed Wegeners in less than a year. After 4 yrs of suffering with that we got him in remission. 2 yrs after that he was diagnosed with cancer in April and he passed away December 22 of them same year. That was 2008. I was diagnosed with lupus a year before he died . Now I have undifferential connected tissue disease and Sojgrems . Stress can do a lot to your body. I did 2 years of therapy after my son and it helped a lot. After my husband died my insurance did not cover what they called brain disorders which was depression. I have been on medicines for depression and anxiety since. I think every insurance co should be made to cover mental disorders. I have state insurance now and they won’t cover it. If you can get therapy please do so. My 31 yr old son turned to herione and is really struggling with it. Which is causing more stress for me because he also has untreated ADHD. Some days I feel it would be easier if I were dead but I also have a 40 and 23 yr old daughters and would never do that to them. My son would probably commit suicide if that was to happen. Life is so hard right now because they are foreclosing on my home because without my husband and sons help I cannot afford the high mortgage for a small crappy house. Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,
Thank you for answering my message and telling me about your husbands ailment. One of my children mentioned the biopsy stitches being removed last week on my son’s arm. The children are very private about my son’s condition and I only get bits and pieces about his health.
I just found after I thought my son was all better after just one seizure but it has gotten worse in the two years since. I am still in mourning for the loss of my husband and have become a recluse with that only to hear about my youngest son’s real health. I called him yesterday just to say hello and his wife answered and that was odd since she never misses a day’s work especially since my boy became ill and lost his CDL and could not drive or do any real work. She was non commital but I could hear in her voice that there was something amiss, but that was all.
I feel so badly for the many woes you are suffering along with the death of your husband and empathize with your terrible burdens. I have stenosis of the spine and can barely walk without my legs collapsing and I have consistant pain as a result. I have heard that two of my children think I should be in a nursing home and insisted on it for two hours till I rebelled the day I was take my husband, their stepfather,and told them to stop and that I was safe and happy here in my and the home I husband brought me to when we married. I had thought that stopped them till the other day when my eldest girl told me the other two children keep at it.

At any rate, thank you again for taking he time to let me know what your husband had suffered.
I will let you know how my son progresses with his malady. Please keep in touch and let me know how you do with all your terrible, terrible burdens. Thank you again,Muriel
emmur16
,

@colleenyoung

Hi @emmur16,
With the intent of protecting us, family members can make decisions to withhold information that can leave us feeling isolated and hurt. I’m so glad you found us here on Connect and hope that we can help you feel a little less alone. I’m tagging @ccorrconro and @mswanda as they both know first-hand what it is like to lose a partner and a son.

@emmur16, I wonder whether your son is having the biopsy to test for another medical condition and not because of the seizures.

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Thank you Colleen,
Yes, they are looking for other unresolved illness my son has. He had inept doctors for two years after they treated the seizures so they were controlled more but not his other ailments. Now he has a doctor who found something that caused my son to have a biopsy. As I told Cheryl he had made his funeral arrangements and grudgingly admitted that to me finally.
This was the final blow. He is my baby, my last child and son to be born. I had hoed to not see another of the children die before I went. I had buried another of my sons in 1995. I know that there is nothing to do but indure. Thank you for your message Colleen.the biopsy was on his forearm.

@emmur16

Dear Cheryl,
Thank you for answering my message and telling me about your husbands ailment. One of my children mentioned the biopsy stitches being removed last week on my son’s arm. The children are very private about my son’s condition and I only get bits and pieces about his health.
I just found after I thought my son was all better after just one seizure but it has gotten worse in the two years since. I am still in mourning for the loss of my husband and have become a recluse with that only to hear about my youngest son’s real health. I called him yesterday just to say hello and his wife answered and that was odd since she never misses a day’s work especially since my boy became ill and lost his CDL and could not drive or do any real work. She was non commital but I could hear in her voice that there was something amiss, but that was all.
I feel so badly for the many woes you are suffering along with the death of your husband and empathize with your terrible burdens. I have stenosis of the spine and can barely walk without my legs collapsing and I have consistant pain as a result. I have heard that two of my children think I should be in a nursing home and insisted on it for two hours till I rebelled the day I was take my husband, their stepfather,and told them to stop and that I was safe and happy here in my and the home I husband brought me to when we married. I had thought that stopped them till the other day when my eldest girl told me the other two children keep at it.

At any rate, thank you again for taking he time to let me know what your husband had suffered.
I will let you know how my son progresses with his malady. Please keep in touch and let me know how you do with all your terrible, terrible burdens. Thank you again,Muriel
emmur16
,

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Dear Colleen, I did not read the question of if I wanted to not see all the contacts about my subject and the members and I clicked on that mistakenly. How do I change my answer back so I may still hear from one and all concerning our shared problem with Chrome? Also please advise me on how to rid myself of that daily notification. Google now longer gives us that service. I have not had success in that regard.I am ninety on Sunday I will be ninety and I am in ill health. As a recent widow, I do not have the extra funds to spend anymore on this computer. I have read other messages concerning Chrome no longer providing those services and that Headline message continues to pop up whenever I go online via Google Chrome. I would appreciate advise on how to eliminate the warning. Thank you. emmur16 Muriel Dandurand

@emmur16

Dear Cheryl,
Thank you for answering my message and telling me about your husbands ailment. One of my children mentioned the biopsy stitches being removed last week on my son’s arm. The children are very private about my son’s condition and I only get bits and pieces about his health.
I just found after I thought my son was all better after just one seizure but it has gotten worse in the two years since. I am still in mourning for the loss of my husband and have become a recluse with that only to hear about my youngest son’s real health. I called him yesterday just to say hello and his wife answered and that was odd since she never misses a day’s work especially since my boy became ill and lost his CDL and could not drive or do any real work. She was non commital but I could hear in her voice that there was something amiss, but that was all.
I feel so badly for the many woes you are suffering along with the death of your husband and empathize with your terrible burdens. I have stenosis of the spine and can barely walk without my legs collapsing and I have consistant pain as a result. I have heard that two of my children think I should be in a nursing home and insisted on it for two hours till I rebelled the day I was take my husband, their stepfather,and told them to stop and that I was safe and happy here in my and the home I husband brought me to when we married. I had thought that stopped them till the other day when my eldest girl told me the other two children keep at it.

At any rate, thank you again for taking he time to let me know what your husband had suffered.
I will let you know how my son progresses with his malady. Please keep in touch and let me know how you do with all your terrible, terrible burdens. Thank you again,Muriel
emmur16
,

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Hi @emmur16,
Good questions.

A. To re-subscribe to a specific discussion (for example the discussion you started) follow these steps:
1. Go to the discussion thread https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/i-have-been-almost-nonfunctional-since-i-lost-my-beloved-husband-emmanuel/
2. Click the + sign just below the first message. Now you will receive email notifications when a new message is added.

B. To stop getting the Daily Digest (a list of all new messages).
1. Click the small arrow beside your picture in the top right corner.
2. Select Account Settings.
3. Scroll to the bottom of Account Settings and change the Digest Notification to Off or Weekly.

You can control all your notification preferences from this page. I’m also happy to announce that improvements to the notifications and account settings are coming soon.

@emmur16

Dear Cheryl,
Thank you for answering my message and telling me about your husbands ailment. One of my children mentioned the biopsy stitches being removed last week on my son’s arm. The children are very private about my son’s condition and I only get bits and pieces about his health.
I just found after I thought my son was all better after just one seizure but it has gotten worse in the two years since. I am still in mourning for the loss of my husband and have become a recluse with that only to hear about my youngest son’s real health. I called him yesterday just to say hello and his wife answered and that was odd since she never misses a day’s work especially since my boy became ill and lost his CDL and could not drive or do any real work. She was non commital but I could hear in her voice that there was something amiss, but that was all.
I feel so badly for the many woes you are suffering along with the death of your husband and empathize with your terrible burdens. I have stenosis of the spine and can barely walk without my legs collapsing and I have consistant pain as a result. I have heard that two of my children think I should be in a nursing home and insisted on it for two hours till I rebelled the day I was take my husband, their stepfather,and told them to stop and that I was safe and happy here in my and the home I husband brought me to when we married. I had thought that stopped them till the other day when my eldest girl told me the other two children keep at it.

At any rate, thank you again for taking he time to let me know what your husband had suffered.
I will let you know how my son progresses with his malady. Please keep in touch and let me know how you do with all your terrible, terrible burdens. Thank you again,Muriel
emmur16
,

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Muriel,
I am so sorry what’s going on with you. I don’t think they should be keeping things from you about your own son. You have a right to know. Sounds like they are trying to get you in a nursing home for your own good but maybe one of your family members should be there at your home to help you. If you don’t mind me asking how old are you? I am 59. I wish I could help you some way but I live in NJ. You are the parent of your son and I don’t understand why they are keeping things from you. What happens to your home if you go in a nursing home? Maybe they don’t want to stress you out with the news of your son. I do know if you have a seizure disorder you are not aloud to drive. I wish you all the best. You can private message me anytime @ccorrconro Cheryl

Liked by emmur16

@emmur16

Dear Cheryl,
Thank you for answering my message and telling me about your husbands ailment. One of my children mentioned the biopsy stitches being removed last week on my son’s arm. The children are very private about my son’s condition and I only get bits and pieces about his health.
I just found after I thought my son was all better after just one seizure but it has gotten worse in the two years since. I am still in mourning for the loss of my husband and have become a recluse with that only to hear about my youngest son’s real health. I called him yesterday just to say hello and his wife answered and that was odd since she never misses a day’s work especially since my boy became ill and lost his CDL and could not drive or do any real work. She was non commital but I could hear in her voice that there was something amiss, but that was all.
I feel so badly for the many woes you are suffering along with the death of your husband and empathize with your terrible burdens. I have stenosis of the spine and can barely walk without my legs collapsing and I have consistant pain as a result. I have heard that two of my children think I should be in a nursing home and insisted on it for two hours till I rebelled the day I was take my husband, their stepfather,and told them to stop and that I was safe and happy here in my and the home I husband brought me to when we married. I had thought that stopped them till the other day when my eldest girl told me the other two children keep at it.

At any rate, thank you again for taking he time to let me know what your husband had suffered.
I will let you know how my son progresses with his malady. Please keep in touch and let me know how you do with all your terrible, terrible burdens. Thank you again,Muriel
emmur16
,

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Sounds like he may have a form of skin cancer or bone cancer if they did a biopsy on his arm. I will pray for him and you as well. Cheryl

Thank you Cheryl. I won’t hear about it till my son is so ill and dying that I will half to hear the truth. I called this morning and he did not mention his real condition if he knows by and his voice was strong but he said nothing else. I did not question him about it. I find it hard to write and type messages I have to go ever each message over and over and correct the typos. I fell two hours ago going into the bathroom. I fell backwards and struck my head and bad back hard because since I learned of how sick my son is and lately I have worse trouble walking. I know it is stress added to my mourning for Emmanuel now. I lay there for a few minutes and then crawled to a chair to stand up. None of my children are going to know about that. My eldest son and youngest daughter will claim I need to be in that nursing home they are still checking. The nursing home is one of my worst nightmares. Anyway, thanks for your for the mention of my
boy’s possible skin or bone cancer. At least I will be prepared to be told by the family about it. I know now what maybe I should be prepared when I get the terrible news.You are good to listen to me. You have a sorrow and burden as bad as mine. I feel fortunate to be online on the Mayo Connect. You good people on there and make me feel supported with your messages. God bless you
Cheryl and I hope that you have your burdens removed. Muriel

@emmur16

Thank you Cheryl. I won’t hear about it till my son is so ill and dying that I will half to hear the truth. I called this morning and he did not mention his real condition if he knows by and his voice was strong but he said nothing else. I did not question him about it. I find it hard to write and type messages I have to go ever each message over and over and correct the typos. I fell two hours ago going into the bathroom. I fell backwards and struck my head and bad back hard because since I learned of how sick my son is and lately I have worse trouble walking. I know it is stress added to my mourning for Emmanuel now. I lay there for a few minutes and then crawled to a chair to stand up. None of my children are going to know about that. My eldest son and youngest daughter will claim I need to be in that nursing home they are still checking. The nursing home is one of my worst nightmares. Anyway, thanks for your for the mention of my
boy’s possible skin or bone cancer. At least I will be prepared to be told by the family about it. I know now what maybe I should be prepared when I get the terrible news.You are good to listen to me. You have a sorrow and burden as bad as mine. I feel fortunate to be online on the Mayo Connect. You good people on there and make me feel supported with your messages. God bless you
Cheryl and I hope that you have your burdens removed. Muriel

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If you are falling that came be very very bad. Your children should be there to help you. If you have pain from your fall you should go to the hospital and get checked out. How far away are your children living from you?

Dear Cheryl,
My late husband Emmanuel’s grandson, wife and son who bought the farm from Emmanuel twenty years ago, live in the upstairs apartment from me, so I told her and my daughter Laura who is my support always that I fell today. I have the Lifeline button on me all the time even when I go to bed. I did not need it today. The headache from the fall is going away. I did get my back hurting again but it is in the muscles I had thought were getting better and now I have to wait for the muscles to start over again to heal. Outside of that, my daughter is bringing me a walker tomorrow. I don’t think my cane is enough right now. I know it is the added stress about the bad news about my son. I am grateful that you gave me something I could look up about the diseases the Wegener starts and it all fits my son’s illness. I just have to wait until he wants me to know but now I know want he will tell me when he feels right about it.. I am o.k. Cheryl. When I saw your age I said myself, to myself “Cheryl is very young.”
To me being ninety Sunday, you are young, especially to be widowed already and then have Lupus and lose your home besides your son who has the drug problem and everything else. It makes me remember that book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”. Look up online for someplace in your area that help people when they have troubles like yours.
Goodnight Cheryl and God Bless you

@emmur16

Dear Cheryl,
My late husband Emmanuel’s grandson, wife and son who bought the farm from Emmanuel twenty years ago, live in the upstairs apartment from me, so I told her and my daughter Laura who is my support always that I fell today. I have the Lifeline button on me all the time even when I go to bed. I did not need it today. The headache from the fall is going away. I did get my back hurting again but it is in the muscles I had thought were getting better and now I have to wait for the muscles to start over again to heal. Outside of that, my daughter is bringing me a walker tomorrow. I don’t think my cane is enough right now. I know it is the added stress about the bad news about my son. I am grateful that you gave me something I could look up about the diseases the Wegener starts and it all fits my son’s illness. I just have to wait until he wants me to know but now I know want he will tell me when he feels right about it.. I am o.k. Cheryl. When I saw your age I said myself, to myself “Cheryl is very young.”
To me being ninety Sunday, you are young, especially to be widowed already and then have Lupus and lose your home besides your son who has the drug problem and everything else. It makes me remember that book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”. Look up online for someplace in your area that help people when they have troubles like yours.
Goodnight Cheryl and God Bless you

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Well I am happy you have family living close to you. A walker is a great idea for you. I hope you feel better soon. And Happy Birthday for tomorrow . Bless your heart, you are kind. Cheryl

Liked by emmur16

Happy 90th birthday @emmur16!

Liked by emmur16

Thank you dear for your sweet message including your Birthday greeting.I think of you often now and think what you are going through and also how young you are and to have so much tragedy in your life all ready. I don’t know if sincere emotions of concern can touch someone via the net, but believe me, much I am still trying to absorb losing Emmanuel and now hearing about my youngest son, since I have gotten to know you though the Mayo Contact I think about you frquently and all the people out there who are following the same lonely road as you and me with similar crosses to bear.
Thank you for your sweet messages. God help and bless you. Muriel (emmur16)

Liked by Ali Skahan

@colleenyoung

Happy 90th birthday @emmur16!

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Thank you Colleen for your kind for my birthday.

Liked by Ali Skahan, emmur16

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