Overthinking and living in fear, mostly about my health

I’m not on my own because I have a partner and he is a good person…some people just feel awkward and they don’t know what to say, he’s always done his best to help me get around…my pain is more with my own family and extended family members, they have never been very supportive.. I was thinking that maybe having cancer would make a difference but alas it didn’t. The toughest thing I have to learn is how to shut my mind off but instead I let too many dark thoughts get inside me and all I know is I hurt myself this way by thinking about them. I’m not a young woman so I should have learned better by now but old habits are hard to break. I admire people who deal with terrible things and they still keep a positive attitude, they are truly admirable…

People who've seen my stroke recovery videos (https://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos) tell me that my positive outlook is inspiring.
I don't know about that. But I do know that I stay positive because I have a wife who loves me, and I love her. She works so hard to keep us going, the very least I can do is work just as hard.
I miss the pre-stroke days when she and I could a lot of stuff together. We may never be able to do those things again, but it won't be because I didn't try.
We thought life would get easier as we got older. Nope. But we aren't giving up.

@scottrl, thank you for your words of wisdom, you truly are an optimistic man and it’s so helpful.. I also worry too much about my health and it sometimes consumes me, I have obviously not been very good to myself and I realize how detrimental it is for my health and life in general. I’m very happy to be a member here and it’s given me more strength and hope than ever before, God bless you and your wife, amen.

A day at a time, right?
Hang in there.
As I pray on my worst days, when going on seems impossible:
"Not my will, but Thine be done."

21 male here. Have never ever had a sexual contact with anyone, I haven't even kissed with anyone. But after all, I guess I am gay and this might be related to this specific phobia.

I find myself unreasonably anxious that I might have contracted the virus. I am a medical student so I know it's not one of these viruses you can come in contact with easily like Covid-19 and stuff. But I just am afraid I'll end up become one of those phenomenal cases where rare stuff happen or I'll just come in contact with a very rare variant of the virus that's easier to pass. I know the possibility of these happening are extremely low but I can't just get out of the "What if..?" cycle.

Here's the story part: I was playing volleyball at one of those adult league matches with people I didn't know. They in general seemed fine and the game was also fine. But there was that one guy in my team who constantly gave teammates high-fives after scoring. So he also high-fived me several times and I got even more nervous with each time. During the game, I noticed I had a formed callus on my hand. I occasionally have callus forming in my hands because my hands are mostly dry and I guess they are also prone to develop them. This one was pretty small and I never saw it bleeding or stuff. For those who don't know what a callus is, I am dropping a picture.

Since last night, I am extremely distressed that I might have contracted something and I haven't been able to get out of "what if..." cycle so far. What if he also had an open sore on his hand and passed me the virus through the callus in my hand? I always checked my hands after getting a high-five from him and I am quite sure there was no blood. But I am feeling like an idiot for letting a complete stranger high-fiving me. I just got caught in the flow of the moment and hey, in volleyball giving and getting high-fives is considered normal. After a while I avoided getting high-fives from him but I am afraid I was too late to do so.

Was I too impulsive about playing volleyball with people I didn't really know? Volleyball is one of my passions and unfortunately not a lot of friends play it around me so I sometimes play in one of those adult league matches. I must be a total idiot for letting a stranger high five me couple of times.

P.S= This is not the first instance where I am having thoughts like these so I had done therapy sessions which worked well for the time. I am still on anti-anxiety drugs (Zoloft-Sertraline) but recently I have been having more and more thoughts about such stuff again. I am crippled once more and I feel like an idiot that I received high-fives from a complete stranger.

@frouke What I will say here may not be something you want to try, with no expectations except that you think about it.

I have some severe health issues, that affect the quality of my life everyday. Even 5 years ago life was a lot different. What was sad for me was to feel there was little support, that I was alone in figuring out how to live. What has been important for me was to reach out to others who may feel they are in the same boat, and to help support them on their journey. Feeling alone can be the worst. Extending a helping voice, a shoulder to lean on, for me, is so rewarding. I use experiences and knowledge gained in my life to help where I can. And sometimes, just being there is the best thing. What I get back emotionally/mentally far outweighs what someone else may receive.
Ginger

You got right to what I was thinking. Delete your access to social media. Just don't go there. I can't tell how many people I know who are nearly suicidal from things they've read on social media. Just stop. Have someone "fix" your phone or computer so you cannot even access social media.

If you put your faith in people, you will ALWAYS be disappointed. Put your faith in God -- and leave it there. The apostle Paul said this: "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Sounds like you are reliving the past and that is never conducive to good mental health. Pastors (and their wives) are human. They get busy. They forget. Other things crowd into their schedule. God, on the other hand, always has time for you.

The Bible tells us to cast all our cares on Him (Jesus) because he cares for you. Nowhere does it say, "then go back a few days later and pick them all back up again." Too many people live on a spiritual and mental merry-go-round. Up. Down. Up. Down. Cast, then don't go looking for what you gave away.

Stay on a vigorous exercise schedule.. whatever you do, it is, 30 mins per day and brisk, pilates, yoga, a strong walk with your dog . I live in South America in the high Andes and this has saved me. More than positive thinking ...

Give yourself permission to weep when you need to and celebrate all GOOD DAYS! Not with ETOH,( booze).. STAY STRONG, your can obsess about staying strong!