I Am Having Thoughts About My Sister I Do Not Want To Have

Having spent three long weeks with my oldest sister during December in an attempt to lift her spirits, given this was the first big holiday without her husband, who is in memory care, I have since found that we are more different than we are alike. Absent any support from her husband's wealthy family or her two adult children, I did the best I could to help her overcome her grief about spending this holiday alone. I made the mistake of thinking that I could convince to get some help by joining a support group for women/men like her who have spouses suffering from dementia. She is unable and unwilling to seek help, even tho her kids think she needs "therapy,' but would never suggest the same, given they all need help as a whole. While a horrible and hurtful argument between us occurred while I was there, once I arrived home, her ire and wrath toward me continued to the point where I became concerned about a number of things: she expressed being depressed to the point of being immobilized and also waking up each day with a 'dark cloud' hanging over her head, ending with 'I need to take a break from you,' which was a welcome relief. However, because of what I observed during my stay, such as her own memory issues, her denial about her serious health issues, etc. , I became concerned to the point where I contacted adult protective services in her county with the hope that perhaps hearing from a stranger that she 'really needed help' would go over better than my attempt to convince her of the same, I spoke to the social worker yesterday at length and layed it all out: family is concerned but will not help her, she had the ability to seek financial support above the $1OK that long term insurance is paying for my brother in law but she is too proud to ask his wealthy brother for extra money. See, anything above the $10K comes out of her pocket and things are beginning to add up. Her kids are ingrates and as I told the social worker, I am the only family member who believes that reaching out for help when needed is a strength as opposed to a weakness. I gave the social worker the number for my sister's brother in law's wife, as they are like sisters, and during my stay with my sister, I had a secret conversation with her, and she too expressed concern; however she also stated that because of my sister's memory issues, her refusal to seek help etc,. the remaining family members have decided to back off. I called APS out of an abundance of caution because I am deeply concerned about my sister, even tho I accept that she does not want to have anything to do with me, just like my middle sister. It is almost a relief, but still I care enough about her to have made this call, and the social worker assured me that they would make an attempt to visit her within 7 days. I explained that during my daily walks, the ones when my sister succinctly yelled at me, 'do not talk to the neighbors," I did talk to the neighbors and found that all of them are just as concerned as I am . Before I left I asked the man across the street, whose wife is also in memory care, 'please get my sister out of the house as she is very depressed.' While my plan worked and she is going out to dinner more often with some neighbors, I am afraid that she is going to 'go off the deep end' and for this reason I felt it was time for me to hand this off to someone else, like a professional. Of course I they will never tell her who made the call, and while she may or may not speak to the social worker, I am fairly certain I did the right thing, In all honesty she was very mean to me while I was there, which I attributed to the childhood trauma that both of my sisters and I faced, and which I have dealt with over a long period of time. I have this feeling like I never want to see her again because of the vile and spiteful things she said to me, and which I cannot forget. An example, I weigh 90 lbs because of an incurable disease, the house was cold and she refused to turn the heat on in the morning, mocking me, "oh I only weigh 90 pounds and I am cold...too bad." As you can imagine, this brought back some things about our twisted mother, telling me that my sister will forever be stuck in a time warp. I suppose I made the mistake of thinking she would have an ounce of gratitude for two things: her husband is getting the care he needs and is safe, and I took care of a lot of things around her house that her son "should'have done for his mother , but refused. Earlier today I called NAMI and shared that I felt like a caged animal, only wanting to distance myself from this situation, and that I had recently performed a ritual by burning and shredding a photo of my sister in an attempt to resolve these horrible feelings I am having about her. I know what it is like to be a caregiver for a demented person, given I cared for my best friend for two years ,unpaid, until I began my IV treatment. Surely there are others out there who are suffering just like my sister and I am curious how you were able to come to terms with your spouse's disease. I may never see my sister again, and I can say with certainty that this would not be the worst thing in the world to happen to me. I have always been the black sheep of the family, but I am also the strongest, and for this reason I have stepped back with the hope that APS will lead her in the right direction. I will try to respond timely, but given my post concussion syndrome symptoms and glaucoma from the meds given for headaches, it is very difficult to use the computer. However I felt this was important enough to post tonight because I cannot stop thinking about how angry I am at both her family and her for not being able to face this situation head on. But I realize my expectations are too high, in light of the fact that when I need help, I know it is okay to ask. I also had to call APS with respect to my best friend because when I stopped by her apartment a week ago it was obvious she had not eaten or had water in a very long time, her apartment was a wreck and the best I could do was give her an Ensure and that I would call the maintainance people to fix her refrigerator that had leaked water all over the floor. APS planned to take a cop with them to do a welfare check because 'we" all know she should not be living alone. This is just the tip of the iceberg for now, thank you very much