1. < Colorectal Cancer

Husband diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer, he is 81

Posted by vincltr @vincltr, Apr 18 8:38am

We received diagnosis in February 2024; after my husband was having recurring abdominal pain. He has a large mass in his sigmoid colon, along with small other spots in his small intestines.
He has a large mass in his left lung, along with small places in lower lobe of both lungs. He was already having memory loss instances, we tried the oral chemotherapy for 2 weeks and he suffered physically and mentally to the point he doesn’t even remember being on the chemotherapy. Just 2 weeks on the chemotherapy also deteriorated his tastebuds and now has a constant awful taste in his mouth. He’s been off the chemotherapy 2 weeks no, has lost almost 10 pounds. We meet with Palliative Care tomorrow- my heart is breaking. I don’t know what to do, where to turn or what is the right treatment options for him. We did have a lengthy discussion a few weeks ago, and he said he wanted to just live his life for as long as he has remaining - I’m doing my best to honor that request for him. It is so difficult when your loved one is going through something like this, and also has varying stages of dementia - he has days he doesn’t even remember he has cancer.

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pb50 | @pb50 | Apr 18 3:18pm

How tragic for you both. My only suggestion is to trust his doctors in terms of Medical and palliative care. You should check out the caregivers board and learn how to kept yourself whole during this.

I’m sending good Juju your way!

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1 reply
roywalton | @roywalton | Apr 19 6:08am
In reply to @pb50 "How tragic for you both. My only suggestion is to trust his doctors in terms of..." + (show)
@pb50

How tragic for you both. My only suggestion is to trust his doctors in terms of Medical and palliative care. You should check out the caregivers board and learn how to kept yourself whole during this.

I’m sending good Juju your way!

Jump to this post

Focus on the quality of the remaining days you have with each other here.....don't necessarily pursue the medical options available to you.

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1 reply
pb50 | @pb50 | Apr 19 7:15am
In reply to @roywalton "Focus on the quality of the remaining days you have with each other here.....don't necessarily pursue..." + (show)
@roywalton

Focus on the quality of the remaining days you have with each other here.....don't necessarily pursue the medical options available to you.

Jump to this post

I would clarify that the medical team has a lot to offer in terms of care and comfort that aren't treatment per se.

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rjjacobsen | @rjjacobsen | Apr 20 9:42am

I have no "juju" nor suggestions for you.

My prayers for you both. I will be watching here for updates. May God bless you with peace.

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myjiggers1 | @myjiggers1 | Apr 21 6:15pm

My heart goes out to you. Being on the cancer side of it, the hardest thing for me was thinking I would be leaving my son alone and hoping he knew how much I loved him and hoping it would be enough to guide him thru a future I might not be in. Did I leave anything undone…. So I focused on making good memories at any cost. I pray you have a family to lean on and know you are loved. I am so sorry you are going thru this and sorry he is in any kind of pain. I pray you make some great memories!

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lucyrichards | @lucyrichards | Apr 22 11:39am

I don’t know you but I truly feel sad for you. I think the palliative team is a great option and support for both of you.

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crattyscarpino | @crattyscarpino | Apr 23 8:36am

I'm so sorry you for you as a caregiver and of course for your husband. My mom just passed after 1.5 years of stage 4 colon cancer. If I could turn back the clock, we never would have done chemo. It was so hard on her and she had no quality of life. She also had a stroke between chemo treatments.

While it's hard to give up, your husband may have the right idea. Palliative care is amazing and there is no reason he should have any pain. Hospice was amazing for us, but the caregiving is so hard.

I learned a ton from our hospice team. How to move my mom, how to change her diapers, (yes, it's coming), Finding those morning things she loves since she can't get out of bed. A warm wash cloth, brush her teeth, make up on and clean sheets.

Being a caregiver will be the toughest but the most rewarding thing you will ever do.

My best to you both. Cherish your time together and honor his wishes. Best advice I can give you.

CS

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verol65 | @verol65 | Apr 24 6:52pm

I'm so sorry for you both that your are going through this very difficult situation. If palliative care is what your husband wants, as others have said, it's the right way to go. Now, you need also to take care of your self. Make sure you have a good supporte network as a caregiver, which might include a psychotherapist. Most palliative care organizations/institution have a whole team with a program that supports the caregivers as much as the patients themselves.

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | 6 days ago

@vincltr, as I am catching up on reading posts, I've had the special fortune of reading your post after having just read this post by a new member @carlaz. She joined Connect just to share her experience with palliative care when her husband was palliative with cancer. Read her post here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/1052951/

I feel like her words were meant especially for you. How did your meeting with the palliative care team go?

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