How to get approval for treatment

Posted by newtothis @newtothis, Oct 23, 2023

My mother is pretty functional, we had a Psychologist tell us that they believe she has Dementia with Phsychosis and some depression, more than likely brought on by her facilities lock down for an extended period of time during Covid. My mother "doesn't need to see the psycologist anymore" because as she says "She is not crazy" . She has believed she has bugs on her head for the past 5 months based upn a cashmere scarf she had received and she says none of the doctors believe her when they tell her she doesn't have the bugs. She also thinks the maintenace man at her current Independant Living (the facility has Assisted and Memory Care as well) Facility. Is stealing, sneaking in the room, taking things and returning them (which she has misplaced) Pretty classic actually. Paranoid, now wants to move because she feels her safety is in jeopardy. How do you go about convincing the unconvincable that they need help? She isn't really in a position currently at least for me to invoke my POA, but even if I did, I doubt she allow any treatment of any sort.

I would also like to add that my Father had Alzheimer's and has since passed, my mother was the one that realized it in him and took care of him as long as she physically could. Not sure if that might be behind her not wanting to have someone help her.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Oct 23, 2023

Hello, @newtothis and Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! You are facing the same problem that many of us have faced and it’s not easy. The issues can fit into several categories: 1. Bugs on her head. Tell her that you have found a solution, but you’ll need her help. Take her to a beauty shop where they can “wash those bugs right outta my hair,” ( cue “South Pacific” the musical) and then help her take the scarf to be cleaned. Tell her, voila, no more bugs! Make sure your siblings are on the same page!
2. Safety in her apartment. My siblings and I felt that we had no choice after a while. So, we hired the moving company that her Independent Living facility contracted with and we moved all of her special things to a new apartment in Assisted Living. And we arranged for her to have the same caregivers as she had had before.
Yes, she cried for a few days, but all her friends came to see her and she settled in. And we knew that she was safer.
Let’s let some other members give you some suggestions, too!

centre | @centre | Oct 24, 2023

Memory Care will have a higher staffing level and operate "around the clock" (with snacks and central common area open and lighted, staff around/passing through. Moving her to Memory Care would be just one move, versus I apartment to AL to MC, something to think about. I hate to go to "better living through chemistry", but there are well-proven safe meds that take the "edge" off the paranoia and anxiety. The Medical Director can discuss options with you. Good luck, it's true- you can't reason with people who can't reason.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Oct 27, 2023

@newtothis How is your mother doing? Has she decided to go to the doctor?
And how are you doing? Any tips on coping?

newtothis | @newtothis | Oct 31, 2023

@becsbuddy I finally have a neurology appt in a few weeks. She had already said she didn't want to go to them, but I just kind of slipped in that she had an appt and said "OK" when I told her it was HER Neurologist.

Hoping she starts taking something that will reduce if not eliminate the delusions, then I can move her from independant living to assisted living at the very least, Memory Care if nothing helps, as she thinks the Assisted Living nurse there is already trying to kill her, otherwise I would have already moved her there.