How to differentiate between Mental Illness or medication side effects

Posted by irbanbharldiend @irbanbharldiend, May 29 12:30pm

I started experiencing severe anxiety about 6 months ago and have gone down the difficult path to recovery.

My symptoms began after a weekend bender, and I would typically binge drink every weekend but not drink during the week. I haven’t drank in 6 months.

I also took Tamiflu shortly after, which has been associated with Neuropsychiatric Side Effects.

After two months of severe anxiety, I saw my doctor and was prescribed Buspirone. I took it for two months and experienced some intense side effects (noise sensitivity, tinnitus, light sensitivity, dizziness, tremors, S.I., nausea, etc). I quit taking it.

My psychiatrist recommended I start Pristiq. I’ve now been on it for 10 weeks. Anxiety has improved a little bit but I have been experiencing heightened depression and S.I. I still have tremors. I’m far less social than I was before taking medications. It’s been harder to go to the gym. I feel like I have less connection with people and have even had bizarre outlooks on my perception of people’s physical features. Everyday I’m waking up with dread and pushing myself to do things so as not to isolate or avoid social interactions.

A psychiatrist mentioned it may be emotional blunting that I’ve been experiencing. I’m at a loss and trying everything I can to improve but it feels like I’m stuck. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice? I can’t tell if it’s the medication or mental illness causing these changes in me.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

@irbanbharldiend

Welcome to Mayo Connect.

First congratulation on 6 months of sobriety. And especially staying sober while dealing with anxiety and depression.

After you stop drinking, the brain's going to start correcting the chemical imbalances suffered during active addiction. The drugs you are being prescribed may be to help during this time. And it may not be possible to know if it is result of TamiFlu or some other underlying mental illness condition like you asked.

Your lifestyle is not same as before stopped drinking. If you were drinking to escape or avoid thing, and then stop drinking without going thru a process of understanding why you drank, then that might be causing your anxiety. I think of it as if have mold on wall and paint over without fixing, it just comes back. Maybe talking to therapist that deals with addiction may help.

Unfortunately, anti-anxiety drugs can be a trial and error process and sometimes takes weeks to know if something is working. I know I tried some that I could not tolerate and actually made things worse.

Keep being a advocate for yourself, if something is not working or side effects make life worse, speak up.

Also as some members have suggested in past, keep of log of what meds and dosages you have tried, any side effects, what worked, what did not work, etc.. That will help providers avoid trying drugs that are in same class of drug as the ones you have tried.

You are making good decisions and just need to find right solution.

REPLY

@irbanbharldiend Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. It sounds to me like you are doing everything possible with your medical provider to figure out what will work for you. As @roch wrote it can take trial and error to find a medication that works. I personally know how difficult this is as I went through a period of anxiety and depression that took at least 3 or 4 different trials with different meds before my doctor and I found something that worked well for me. By the way, the first med prescribed for me was Buspar. It did not work for me. We needed to find the antidepressant that would lower anxiety and not be too sedating.

I experienced emotional blunting on Paxil. Paxil did help with anxiety and depression for me however it also blunted my emotions - empathy and compassion, really - to the extent that I almost didn’t care about others. That is not me at all and it took me awhile to realize that.

Do you work with a mental health therapist? And if you do, have you signed a release of information so that your psychiatrist and mental health therapist can work together? If you’d like to do that you may need to sign a release for both the therapist and your psychiatrist.

When is your next appointment with your psychiatrist?

REPLY

I used alcohol and drugs to avoid feelings I had experienced my whole life.

Trauma, whatever the source alters how the brain works. I have lived in a state of “ fight or flight” my whole life.

Eventually this became my default setting. I wake up every morning anxious and wanting to die.

Alcohol and drugs numbed these feelings but never addressed the causes. Worse they further altered my brain. When I stopped using them the feelings came back worse.

I was the diagnosed with major depressive disorder and put on very high levels of psychiatric medications. The psyche meds blunted my feelings but never addressed the root cause. The suicidal depression never lifted but my life crumbled under the side effects.

I am now on my second titration and the feelings I’ve had my whole life are coming back again. This time I know where they are coming from and I am slowly dealing with them and finally healing, I think.

Trauma, all feelings for that matter change the way the brain functions. Adaptation to the trauma can be negative, reinforcing the feelings originating from the trauma.

Drugs, alcohol and medications can deaden these feelings but they do not heal the trauma. The brain has to heal itself by forming new neuropath ways.

So far the only way I have found to do this is psychotherapy along with changes to how I live my life. Medications can make this process more tolerable but I’ve yet to find any other way and I am sixty.

My doctors are sending me for TMS in the hope that it might speed the process along, they call it enhancing neural plasticity, in the hope that it will help my brain heal itself.

Something lead you to binge drink. You have been able to address it by numbing your feelings. Now you are experiencing those feelings along with alcohol withdrawal, which is terrible all by itself.

In my opinion you’d be well served by a therapist that can help you work through why you needed to numb your feelings and a psychiatrist who isn’t going to try to make your feelings go away with medication, rather will use the least amount of medication you need to get through withdrawal and your awakening.

If you numb your feelings with psychiatric medications you’ll never get to the root cause of your suffering. Worse, you be chasing side effect demons like they are the issue, mean while you will continue to suffer.

This is my experience. I’ve been dealing with the effects of suicidal depression for fifty four years. I’m am just now starting to heal.

None of this is easy. But I can tell you that I am beginning to feel the lead weight of depression and anxiety starting to lift. I have hope for the first time in a very long time.

I wish for you that you’re suffering not be as long and destructive as mine has been.

I wish for you that you live in peace and good health the rest of your life. It is the same thing I wish for myself and all who suffer.

Be well!

REPLY

Staying sober is an accomplishment in itself, and don't overlook the power you have within yourself to be where you are today.

As for medications, psychiatry is a difficult science because what is known is still vastly exceeded by what isn't. There's a lot of trial and error involved, because by it's nature, psychiatry simply can't be precise. What works for many people sometimes will backfire on a few.

I experienced this with Effexor, which I was prescribed for depression. It worked for a number of years, then sent me on the worst emotional/mental ride of my life. I became suicidal and filled with depression and rage and not much else. I decided to quit it on my own, and while experiencing the withdrawal symptoms (you can find discussion of these on numerous threads here), I began researching the drug online. In my digging I learned that in a small but measurable minority of cases, what happened to me on Effexor had been documented in other patients. One study I found was like reading the previous five years of my life.

I go to PubMed, Mayo, Harvard, British Medical Journal, and similar sources for health information, not Reddit and Facebook. I advise you do likewise. You want factual peer-reviewed info, not rants. That way you'll become a well-informed informed patient and can have more productive discussions with your doctor. You are your own best advocate.

I had been prescribed Effexor by a family doc long ago, and it passed through other providers over the years. As things turned bad and grew worse though, I kept my growing struggles to myself (big mistake) rather than try to figure out if I needed to make a change. I assumed I was failing, not that the drug was failing me. I only found a psychiatrist after landing in the psych ward (a place you want to avoid if at all possible). She initially kept me on the drug, but subsequently took seriously my opinion that I was in that small minority (+/- about 1%) of patients on Effexor who flip. I don't feel angry that she had kept me on it, I just think it was what we both now agree was a bad call. Doctors aren't perfect, they sometimes make mistakes, but they do want to help you. We tried something from a different medication class which so far seems to be working quite well. But even within about a week of quitting Effexor, and well before I got up to speed on the new drug, the suicidal depression that had dominated my life for nearly five years eased considerably, and the rage I had been experiencing (uncharacteristic for me) simply went away. I'm 100% convinced at this point that the drug was the driver of how bad it got. That doesn't mean it's a bad drug, it works for many people. But there are exceptions, and I was one of those. You might be in a similar boat with what you're dealing with. Everyone responds to each drug in their own way.

I'm telling you all this because I feel it's important to listen to yourself, something I didn't do for far too long. If you feel something is not working for you, or that the side effects are outweighing the benefits, discuss this with your psychiatrist. It sounds like yours is listening to you, but if you feel you're not getting anywhere, it might be worth finding a second opinion (and if you're seeing an M.D. but not a psychiatrist who specializes in this area, it's probably a good idea to find one). I would not advise taking yourself off a drug on your own like I did. It proved to be the right move for me, but it's risky. And with some drugs it can be dangerous. So go slow, but keep moving forward until you find the right balance. Do some research about what you're being prescribed on your own, but again, stick to credible sources. Avoid Reddit threads and the like. A lot of misinformation appears there, and you could easily put yourself into a worse place. Also, reach out to others. This is a good forum for discussion, because people are really helpful, and it's hosted and monitored by one of those credible sources I mentioned. The anonymity of online forums can help you open up to a greater degree than you might be able to do face to face, and you'll quickly discover that you aren't alone. Also, therapy and support groups are valuable. See what's in your area. And recognize that it might take a few dead ends before you find the road that works for you. But keep pushing towards it. When you're in the funk, it can be hard to even find the energy to do that. Believe me, I know. But keep trying.

Finally, I've linked this site on a number of threads here: https://emoodtracker.com. It's a free mood tracker where you can keep a log of your daily ups and downs. There's a spot for notes in addition to the graphs, and you can quickly build a data base on yourself and spot your cycles, and over time begin to see patterns and figure out what might have preceded a bad spell. Then you begin to recognize the warning signs. I've given my counselor access to my account and it's really been a benefit on that end in addition to giving me a better sense of what goes on in my life. She sees things I might have forgotten by the time the next session rolls around.

And when you're feeling down, remind yourself that you've been sober for six months. That's huge. A lot of people struggle to get that far, and many don't make it. You've got determination in you. Let that be your guiding light. And know that pretty much everyone who has found there way to this page is behind you.

REPLY
@depressedbutnotdead

Staying sober is an accomplishment in itself, and don't overlook the power you have within yourself to be where you are today.

As for medications, psychiatry is a difficult science because what is known is still vastly exceeded by what isn't. There's a lot of trial and error involved, because by it's nature, psychiatry simply can't be precise. What works for many people sometimes will backfire on a few.

I experienced this with Effexor, which I was prescribed for depression. It worked for a number of years, then sent me on the worst emotional/mental ride of my life. I became suicidal and filled with depression and rage and not much else. I decided to quit it on my own, and while experiencing the withdrawal symptoms (you can find discussion of these on numerous threads here), I began researching the drug online. In my digging I learned that in a small but measurable minority of cases, what happened to me on Effexor had been documented in other patients. One study I found was like reading the previous five years of my life.

I go to PubMed, Mayo, Harvard, British Medical Journal, and similar sources for health information, not Reddit and Facebook. I advise you do likewise. You want factual peer-reviewed info, not rants. That way you'll become a well-informed informed patient and can have more productive discussions with your doctor. You are your own best advocate.

I had been prescribed Effexor by a family doc long ago, and it passed through other providers over the years. As things turned bad and grew worse though, I kept my growing struggles to myself (big mistake) rather than try to figure out if I needed to make a change. I assumed I was failing, not that the drug was failing me. I only found a psychiatrist after landing in the psych ward (a place you want to avoid if at all possible). She initially kept me on the drug, but subsequently took seriously my opinion that I was in that small minority (+/- about 1%) of patients on Effexor who flip. I don't feel angry that she had kept me on it, I just think it was what we both now agree was a bad call. Doctors aren't perfect, they sometimes make mistakes, but they do want to help you. We tried something from a different medication class which so far seems to be working quite well. But even within about a week of quitting Effexor, and well before I got up to speed on the new drug, the suicidal depression that had dominated my life for nearly five years eased considerably, and the rage I had been experiencing (uncharacteristic for me) simply went away. I'm 100% convinced at this point that the drug was the driver of how bad it got. That doesn't mean it's a bad drug, it works for many people. But there are exceptions, and I was one of those. You might be in a similar boat with what you're dealing with. Everyone responds to each drug in their own way.

I'm telling you all this because I feel it's important to listen to yourself, something I didn't do for far too long. If you feel something is not working for you, or that the side effects are outweighing the benefits, discuss this with your psychiatrist. It sounds like yours is listening to you, but if you feel you're not getting anywhere, it might be worth finding a second opinion (and if you're seeing an M.D. but not a psychiatrist who specializes in this area, it's probably a good idea to find one). I would not advise taking yourself off a drug on your own like I did. It proved to be the right move for me, but it's risky. And with some drugs it can be dangerous. So go slow, but keep moving forward until you find the right balance. Do some research about what you're being prescribed on your own, but again, stick to credible sources. Avoid Reddit threads and the like. A lot of misinformation appears there, and you could easily put yourself into a worse place. Also, reach out to others. This is a good forum for discussion, because people are really helpful, and it's hosted and monitored by one of those credible sources I mentioned. The anonymity of online forums can help you open up to a greater degree than you might be able to do face to face, and you'll quickly discover that you aren't alone. Also, therapy and support groups are valuable. See what's in your area. And recognize that it might take a few dead ends before you find the road that works for you. But keep pushing towards it. When you're in the funk, it can be hard to even find the energy to do that. Believe me, I know. But keep trying.

Finally, I've linked this site on a number of threads here: https://emoodtracker.com. It's a free mood tracker where you can keep a log of your daily ups and downs. There's a spot for notes in addition to the graphs, and you can quickly build a data base on yourself and spot your cycles, and over time begin to see patterns and figure out what might have preceded a bad spell. Then you begin to recognize the warning signs. I've given my counselor access to my account and it's really been a benefit on that end in addition to giving me a better sense of what goes on in my life. She sees things I might have forgotten by the time the next session rolls around.

And when you're feeling down, remind yourself that you've been sober for six months. That's huge. A lot of people struggle to get that far, and many don't make it. You've got determination in you. Let that be your guiding light. And know that pretty much everyone who has found there way to this page is behind you.

Jump to this post

Very well expressed!

Thanks for the suggestion to use reliable, trusted references and avoid the social media nonsense.

REPLY
@naturegirl5

@irbanbharldiend Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. It sounds to me like you are doing everything possible with your medical provider to figure out what will work for you. As @roch wrote it can take trial and error to find a medication that works. I personally know how difficult this is as I went through a period of anxiety and depression that took at least 3 or 4 different trials with different meds before my doctor and I found something that worked well for me. By the way, the first med prescribed for me was Buspar. It did not work for me. We needed to find the antidepressant that would lower anxiety and not be too sedating.

I experienced emotional blunting on Paxil. Paxil did help with anxiety and depression for me however it also blunted my emotions - empathy and compassion, really - to the extent that I almost didn’t care about others. That is not me at all and it took me awhile to realize that.

Do you work with a mental health therapist? And if you do, have you signed a release of information so that your psychiatrist and mental health therapist can work together? If you’d like to do that you may need to sign a release for both the therapist and your psychiatrist.

When is your next appointment with your psychiatrist?

Jump to this post

Thank you for the insight. Will definitely take into consideration.

REPLY
@depressedbutnotdead

Staying sober is an accomplishment in itself, and don't overlook the power you have within yourself to be where you are today.

As for medications, psychiatry is a difficult science because what is known is still vastly exceeded by what isn't. There's a lot of trial and error involved, because by it's nature, psychiatry simply can't be precise. What works for many people sometimes will backfire on a few.

I experienced this with Effexor, which I was prescribed for depression. It worked for a number of years, then sent me on the worst emotional/mental ride of my life. I became suicidal and filled with depression and rage and not much else. I decided to quit it on my own, and while experiencing the withdrawal symptoms (you can find discussion of these on numerous threads here), I began researching the drug online. In my digging I learned that in a small but measurable minority of cases, what happened to me on Effexor had been documented in other patients. One study I found was like reading the previous five years of my life.

I go to PubMed, Mayo, Harvard, British Medical Journal, and similar sources for health information, not Reddit and Facebook. I advise you do likewise. You want factual peer-reviewed info, not rants. That way you'll become a well-informed informed patient and can have more productive discussions with your doctor. You are your own best advocate.

I had been prescribed Effexor by a family doc long ago, and it passed through other providers over the years. As things turned bad and grew worse though, I kept my growing struggles to myself (big mistake) rather than try to figure out if I needed to make a change. I assumed I was failing, not that the drug was failing me. I only found a psychiatrist after landing in the psych ward (a place you want to avoid if at all possible). She initially kept me on the drug, but subsequently took seriously my opinion that I was in that small minority (+/- about 1%) of patients on Effexor who flip. I don't feel angry that she had kept me on it, I just think it was what we both now agree was a bad call. Doctors aren't perfect, they sometimes make mistakes, but they do want to help you. We tried something from a different medication class which so far seems to be working quite well. But even within about a week of quitting Effexor, and well before I got up to speed on the new drug, the suicidal depression that had dominated my life for nearly five years eased considerably, and the rage I had been experiencing (uncharacteristic for me) simply went away. I'm 100% convinced at this point that the drug was the driver of how bad it got. That doesn't mean it's a bad drug, it works for many people. But there are exceptions, and I was one of those. You might be in a similar boat with what you're dealing with. Everyone responds to each drug in their own way.

I'm telling you all this because I feel it's important to listen to yourself, something I didn't do for far too long. If you feel something is not working for you, or that the side effects are outweighing the benefits, discuss this with your psychiatrist. It sounds like yours is listening to you, but if you feel you're not getting anywhere, it might be worth finding a second opinion (and if you're seeing an M.D. but not a psychiatrist who specializes in this area, it's probably a good idea to find one). I would not advise taking yourself off a drug on your own like I did. It proved to be the right move for me, but it's risky. And with some drugs it can be dangerous. So go slow, but keep moving forward until you find the right balance. Do some research about what you're being prescribed on your own, but again, stick to credible sources. Avoid Reddit threads and the like. A lot of misinformation appears there, and you could easily put yourself into a worse place. Also, reach out to others. This is a good forum for discussion, because people are really helpful, and it's hosted and monitored by one of those credible sources I mentioned. The anonymity of online forums can help you open up to a greater degree than you might be able to do face to face, and you'll quickly discover that you aren't alone. Also, therapy and support groups are valuable. See what's in your area. And recognize that it might take a few dead ends before you find the road that works for you. But keep pushing towards it. When you're in the funk, it can be hard to even find the energy to do that. Believe me, I know. But keep trying.

Finally, I've linked this site on a number of threads here: https://emoodtracker.com. It's a free mood tracker where you can keep a log of your daily ups and downs. There's a spot for notes in addition to the graphs, and you can quickly build a data base on yourself and spot your cycles, and over time begin to see patterns and figure out what might have preceded a bad spell. Then you begin to recognize the warning signs. I've given my counselor access to my account and it's really been a benefit on that end in addition to giving me a better sense of what goes on in my life. She sees things I might have forgotten by the time the next session rolls around.

And when you're feeling down, remind yourself that you've been sober for six months. That's huge. A lot of people struggle to get that far, and many don't make it. You've got determination in you. Let that be your guiding light. And know that pretty much everyone who has found there way to this page is behind you.

Jump to this post

That’s a lot of great information. Thank you. I will definitely take into account.

REPLY
@depressedbutnotdead

Staying sober is an accomplishment in itself, and don't overlook the power you have within yourself to be where you are today.

As for medications, psychiatry is a difficult science because what is known is still vastly exceeded by what isn't. There's a lot of trial and error involved, because by it's nature, psychiatry simply can't be precise. What works for many people sometimes will backfire on a few.

I experienced this with Effexor, which I was prescribed for depression. It worked for a number of years, then sent me on the worst emotional/mental ride of my life. I became suicidal and filled with depression and rage and not much else. I decided to quit it on my own, and while experiencing the withdrawal symptoms (you can find discussion of these on numerous threads here), I began researching the drug online. In my digging I learned that in a small but measurable minority of cases, what happened to me on Effexor had been documented in other patients. One study I found was like reading the previous five years of my life.

I go to PubMed, Mayo, Harvard, British Medical Journal, and similar sources for health information, not Reddit and Facebook. I advise you do likewise. You want factual peer-reviewed info, not rants. That way you'll become a well-informed informed patient and can have more productive discussions with your doctor. You are your own best advocate.

I had been prescribed Effexor by a family doc long ago, and it passed through other providers over the years. As things turned bad and grew worse though, I kept my growing struggles to myself (big mistake) rather than try to figure out if I needed to make a change. I assumed I was failing, not that the drug was failing me. I only found a psychiatrist after landing in the psych ward (a place you want to avoid if at all possible). She initially kept me on the drug, but subsequently took seriously my opinion that I was in that small minority (+/- about 1%) of patients on Effexor who flip. I don't feel angry that she had kept me on it, I just think it was what we both now agree was a bad call. Doctors aren't perfect, they sometimes make mistakes, but they do want to help you. We tried something from a different medication class which so far seems to be working quite well. But even within about a week of quitting Effexor, and well before I got up to speed on the new drug, the suicidal depression that had dominated my life for nearly five years eased considerably, and the rage I had been experiencing (uncharacteristic for me) simply went away. I'm 100% convinced at this point that the drug was the driver of how bad it got. That doesn't mean it's a bad drug, it works for many people. But there are exceptions, and I was one of those. You might be in a similar boat with what you're dealing with. Everyone responds to each drug in their own way.

I'm telling you all this because I feel it's important to listen to yourself, something I didn't do for far too long. If you feel something is not working for you, or that the side effects are outweighing the benefits, discuss this with your psychiatrist. It sounds like yours is listening to you, but if you feel you're not getting anywhere, it might be worth finding a second opinion (and if you're seeing an M.D. but not a psychiatrist who specializes in this area, it's probably a good idea to find one). I would not advise taking yourself off a drug on your own like I did. It proved to be the right move for me, but it's risky. And with some drugs it can be dangerous. So go slow, but keep moving forward until you find the right balance. Do some research about what you're being prescribed on your own, but again, stick to credible sources. Avoid Reddit threads and the like. A lot of misinformation appears there, and you could easily put yourself into a worse place. Also, reach out to others. This is a good forum for discussion, because people are really helpful, and it's hosted and monitored by one of those credible sources I mentioned. The anonymity of online forums can help you open up to a greater degree than you might be able to do face to face, and you'll quickly discover that you aren't alone. Also, therapy and support groups are valuable. See what's in your area. And recognize that it might take a few dead ends before you find the road that works for you. But keep pushing towards it. When you're in the funk, it can be hard to even find the energy to do that. Believe me, I know. But keep trying.

Finally, I've linked this site on a number of threads here: https://emoodtracker.com. It's a free mood tracker where you can keep a log of your daily ups and downs. There's a spot for notes in addition to the graphs, and you can quickly build a data base on yourself and spot your cycles, and over time begin to see patterns and figure out what might have preceded a bad spell. Then you begin to recognize the warning signs. I've given my counselor access to my account and it's really been a benefit on that end in addition to giving me a better sense of what goes on in my life. She sees things I might have forgotten by the time the next session rolls around.

And when you're feeling down, remind yourself that you've been sober for six months. That's huge. A lot of people struggle to get that far, and many don't make it. You've got determination in you. Let that be your guiding light. And know that pretty much everyone who has found there way to this page is behind you.

Jump to this post

great response, going to check out mood tracking you mention

REPLY
@depressedbutnotdead

Staying sober is an accomplishment in itself, and don't overlook the power you have within yourself to be where you are today.

As for medications, psychiatry is a difficult science because what is known is still vastly exceeded by what isn't. There's a lot of trial and error involved, because by it's nature, psychiatry simply can't be precise. What works for many people sometimes will backfire on a few.

I experienced this with Effexor, which I was prescribed for depression. It worked for a number of years, then sent me on the worst emotional/mental ride of my life. I became suicidal and filled with depression and rage and not much else. I decided to quit it on my own, and while experiencing the withdrawal symptoms (you can find discussion of these on numerous threads here), I began researching the drug online. In my digging I learned that in a small but measurable minority of cases, what happened to me on Effexor had been documented in other patients. One study I found was like reading the previous five years of my life.

I go to PubMed, Mayo, Harvard, British Medical Journal, and similar sources for health information, not Reddit and Facebook. I advise you do likewise. You want factual peer-reviewed info, not rants. That way you'll become a well-informed informed patient and can have more productive discussions with your doctor. You are your own best advocate.

I had been prescribed Effexor by a family doc long ago, and it passed through other providers over the years. As things turned bad and grew worse though, I kept my growing struggles to myself (big mistake) rather than try to figure out if I needed to make a change. I assumed I was failing, not that the drug was failing me. I only found a psychiatrist after landing in the psych ward (a place you want to avoid if at all possible). She initially kept me on the drug, but subsequently took seriously my opinion that I was in that small minority (+/- about 1%) of patients on Effexor who flip. I don't feel angry that she had kept me on it, I just think it was what we both now agree was a bad call. Doctors aren't perfect, they sometimes make mistakes, but they do want to help you. We tried something from a different medication class which so far seems to be working quite well. But even within about a week of quitting Effexor, and well before I got up to speed on the new drug, the suicidal depression that had dominated my life for nearly five years eased considerably, and the rage I had been experiencing (uncharacteristic for me) simply went away. I'm 100% convinced at this point that the drug was the driver of how bad it got. That doesn't mean it's a bad drug, it works for many people. But there are exceptions, and I was one of those. You might be in a similar boat with what you're dealing with. Everyone responds to each drug in their own way.

I'm telling you all this because I feel it's important to listen to yourself, something I didn't do for far too long. If you feel something is not working for you, or that the side effects are outweighing the benefits, discuss this with your psychiatrist. It sounds like yours is listening to you, but if you feel you're not getting anywhere, it might be worth finding a second opinion (and if you're seeing an M.D. but not a psychiatrist who specializes in this area, it's probably a good idea to find one). I would not advise taking yourself off a drug on your own like I did. It proved to be the right move for me, but it's risky. And with some drugs it can be dangerous. So go slow, but keep moving forward until you find the right balance. Do some research about what you're being prescribed on your own, but again, stick to credible sources. Avoid Reddit threads and the like. A lot of misinformation appears there, and you could easily put yourself into a worse place. Also, reach out to others. This is a good forum for discussion, because people are really helpful, and it's hosted and monitored by one of those credible sources I mentioned. The anonymity of online forums can help you open up to a greater degree than you might be able to do face to face, and you'll quickly discover that you aren't alone. Also, therapy and support groups are valuable. See what's in your area. And recognize that it might take a few dead ends before you find the road that works for you. But keep pushing towards it. When you're in the funk, it can be hard to even find the energy to do that. Believe me, I know. But keep trying.

Finally, I've linked this site on a number of threads here: https://emoodtracker.com. It's a free mood tracker where you can keep a log of your daily ups and downs. There's a spot for notes in addition to the graphs, and you can quickly build a data base on yourself and spot your cycles, and over time begin to see patterns and figure out what might have preceded a bad spell. Then you begin to recognize the warning signs. I've given my counselor access to my account and it's really been a benefit on that end in addition to giving me a better sense of what goes on in my life. She sees things I might have forgotten by the time the next session rolls around.

And when you're feeling down, remind yourself that you've been sober for six months. That's huge. A lot of people struggle to get that far, and many don't make it. You've got determination in you. Let that be your guiding light. And know that pretty much everyone who has found there way to this page is behind you.

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@depressedbutnotdead Thank you for sharing your experience and for your helpful recommendations and advice. There is a great deal of wisdom in your post and I plan to refer our Mayo Clinic Connect members to it when this issue comes up in other discussions.

I hope you continue to feel more the person you know you are. It is so important to listen to yourself and find the providers who will listen and work with you - just as you did.

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@depressedbutnotdead

Staying sober is an accomplishment in itself, and don't overlook the power you have within yourself to be where you are today.

As for medications, psychiatry is a difficult science because what is known is still vastly exceeded by what isn't. There's a lot of trial and error involved, because by it's nature, psychiatry simply can't be precise. What works for many people sometimes will backfire on a few.

I experienced this with Effexor, which I was prescribed for depression. It worked for a number of years, then sent me on the worst emotional/mental ride of my life. I became suicidal and filled with depression and rage and not much else. I decided to quit it on my own, and while experiencing the withdrawal symptoms (you can find discussion of these on numerous threads here), I began researching the drug online. In my digging I learned that in a small but measurable minority of cases, what happened to me on Effexor had been documented in other patients. One study I found was like reading the previous five years of my life.

I go to PubMed, Mayo, Harvard, British Medical Journal, and similar sources for health information, not Reddit and Facebook. I advise you do likewise. You want factual peer-reviewed info, not rants. That way you'll become a well-informed informed patient and can have more productive discussions with your doctor. You are your own best advocate.

I had been prescribed Effexor by a family doc long ago, and it passed through other providers over the years. As things turned bad and grew worse though, I kept my growing struggles to myself (big mistake) rather than try to figure out if I needed to make a change. I assumed I was failing, not that the drug was failing me. I only found a psychiatrist after landing in the psych ward (a place you want to avoid if at all possible). She initially kept me on the drug, but subsequently took seriously my opinion that I was in that small minority (+/- about 1%) of patients on Effexor who flip. I don't feel angry that she had kept me on it, I just think it was what we both now agree was a bad call. Doctors aren't perfect, they sometimes make mistakes, but they do want to help you. We tried something from a different medication class which so far seems to be working quite well. But even within about a week of quitting Effexor, and well before I got up to speed on the new drug, the suicidal depression that had dominated my life for nearly five years eased considerably, and the rage I had been experiencing (uncharacteristic for me) simply went away. I'm 100% convinced at this point that the drug was the driver of how bad it got. That doesn't mean it's a bad drug, it works for many people. But there are exceptions, and I was one of those. You might be in a similar boat with what you're dealing with. Everyone responds to each drug in their own way.

I'm telling you all this because I feel it's important to listen to yourself, something I didn't do for far too long. If you feel something is not working for you, or that the side effects are outweighing the benefits, discuss this with your psychiatrist. It sounds like yours is listening to you, but if you feel you're not getting anywhere, it might be worth finding a second opinion (and if you're seeing an M.D. but not a psychiatrist who specializes in this area, it's probably a good idea to find one). I would not advise taking yourself off a drug on your own like I did. It proved to be the right move for me, but it's risky. And with some drugs it can be dangerous. So go slow, but keep moving forward until you find the right balance. Do some research about what you're being prescribed on your own, but again, stick to credible sources. Avoid Reddit threads and the like. A lot of misinformation appears there, and you could easily put yourself into a worse place. Also, reach out to others. This is a good forum for discussion, because people are really helpful, and it's hosted and monitored by one of those credible sources I mentioned. The anonymity of online forums can help you open up to a greater degree than you might be able to do face to face, and you'll quickly discover that you aren't alone. Also, therapy and support groups are valuable. See what's in your area. And recognize that it might take a few dead ends before you find the road that works for you. But keep pushing towards it. When you're in the funk, it can be hard to even find the energy to do that. Believe me, I know. But keep trying.

Finally, I've linked this site on a number of threads here: https://emoodtracker.com. It's a free mood tracker where you can keep a log of your daily ups and downs. There's a spot for notes in addition to the graphs, and you can quickly build a data base on yourself and spot your cycles, and over time begin to see patterns and figure out what might have preceded a bad spell. Then you begin to recognize the warning signs. I've given my counselor access to my account and it's really been a benefit on that end in addition to giving me a better sense of what goes on in my life. She sees things I might have forgotten by the time the next session rolls around.

And when you're feeling down, remind yourself that you've been sober for six months. That's huge. A lot of people struggle to get that far, and many don't make it. You've got determination in you. Let that be your guiding light. And know that pretty much everyone who has found there way to this page is behind you.

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Excellent story and good to think about many things. I too belong with the Mayo group and believe they help in many ways. I am a retired nurse and know it is important to get a second opinion. Thank you for sharing.

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