How do you cope after your spouse has a stroke?

Posted by kellybab @kellybab, Oct 18, 2023

2 1/2 weeks ago I had a heart attack. 1 week later my husband had a stroke. They said only his speech was affected. After a week in the hospital, then coming home a few days ago, I do not have the same man. He is different, can't communicate and gets angry fast, which i can understan! He got an infection in the hospital and has a picc line in. I hadn't even recovered from my heart attack yet and now this. I feel a sense of grieving for the man I knew. Has anyone gone through this? If he gets better, how long could that take? He refuses to eat despite all the different foods I offer. Help!!! I'm so overwhelmed.

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@dhutch

My husband has had 2 strokes now, fortunately can still talk, walk with a cane and eat normally. He cannot drive because his vision was impaired and is very depressed. I do everything now and am exhausted most of the time. I just started going to a stroke support group locally which may help. How do you know when you hire help into your home that the person is trustworthy and honest? I feel this would help me get out occasionally but am afraid. We are both 70 and live in a nice area so don’t want to be taken advantage of. Any recommendations!

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I don't know about hiring help, but is there anything that your husband can help with, however small?

After my stroke, feeling helpless drove me nuts, and my wife was getting worn out fast.

For one thing, seeing her motivated me to recover as much as possible (still working on that). For another, just doing small things raised my spirits tremendously.

Just a few months after my stroke, my wife had to leave me on my own for a few days. She had a friend drop by to check on me once or twice, but I was mostly on my own. I couldn't drive, so I was kind of stuck. But she got a nice break, and I enjoyed the challenge of being on my own. (I was fine. Didn't do anything risky, needless to say.)

Can your husband read and use a computer? Maybe he could join Mayo Connect and engage with others, sharing advice and encouragement to others.

Joining a stroke support group is a good idea. The one near me is very good. I wish I'd joined it sooner! (In fact, at the recent meeting, I filled in as guest speaker.)

Best of luck to you both. There is hope!

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@dhutch

My husband has had 2 strokes now, fortunately can still talk, walk with a cane and eat normally. He cannot drive because his vision was impaired and is very depressed. I do everything now and am exhausted most of the time. I just started going to a stroke support group locally which may help. How do you know when you hire help into your home that the person is trustworthy and honest? I feel this would help me get out occasionally but am afraid. We are both 70 and live in a nice area so don’t want to be taken advantage of. Any recommendations!

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My husband also had a 2nd stroke 2 weeks after the first. I am fortunate that my sister is a patient advocate with her own company of employees. She is phenomenal so it's her company that was hired to help in home. It's truly been a godsend. Look for reputable people who do this in your area. Ask for references and then call and see how their care was. Some people have a beautiful gift for this, my sister is one of them.
I haven't been able to find a support group in my area, but I really need one. My husband's stroke affected his peripheral vision on the right side and he has broca aphasia. Communication has been the most difficult.

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I have an eye disease that has taken my peripheral vision. Eventually, it will take all my vision, but if he still has one strong eye, they might have him try and focus with the other eye to give it more strength and keep it as strong as it is. I know this is a difficult time. It sounds like you are doing a very good job. He has a very good support system and is blessed.

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