How do you accept change as you age?

@IndianaScott Perhaps hearing it from a medical professional helped in your family situation. MK may have thought about giving up driving but didn't want to become more of a burden to others.

That is what happened to my dad. He was always a safe, considerate driver. But his reaction time, ability to recognize unsafe conditions both increased, and he started having parking lot "incidents". He knew better than get on the road for a long drive. He gave up his driving privilege after a meeting with doctors, and became the absolute worst back seat driver!

@rosemarya This is a great topic. When driving, I do not refer to any GPS, change the radio, eat, and am not much of a conversationist to a passenger. I need all my faculties for the road, to keep myself safe from others. In unfamiliar areas, I have directions written down in large type, and will pull over safely if confused. Around here at night, there is little light, and long stretches on the interstate with no lighting. This is cause for my stress levels to go way up, due to deer and elk on the road; I try to not be out at night.
Ginger

@starchy- I believe that all of us want to make our own decisions. But, like my mom, her decision could have been too late had I not been across the street from her. I asked my husband to tell me when he thinks that I shouldn't drive anymore and that he needs to tell me before I will forget the discussion. This way I protect everyone and myself and it is still my decision. Kudos to you for selling your car and protecting yourself and others.

@IndianaScott, This is kind of funny - the way I misunderstood what you were saying. I thought you were saying that at Mayo there was a purely electronic test - that one could access by computer - that could give a reasonable assessment of one's ability to drive. Is that insanely farfetched? 🙂

Thanks Rosemary - This is a VERY difficult topic in our auto-dependent society. In non-Covid times we spend a lot of time on the road traveling and want to continue as long as safely possible. We take the AAA/AARP Safe Driver course every 2 years, and have upgraded out cars to have more driver safety features.

I know my own driving skills may not be what they once were, so I concentrate on the road and surrounding consciously as I drive, avoid rush hour and bad weather driving, and ignore my cell phone even though it had bluetooth. When I feel the time has come, I will go through a driver eval like Scott mentioned. I have already told my girls that they can insist when they think I need it. I had to do this with my Mom after 2 strokes, and I don't think she ever quite forgave me - but she lived next to a freeway entrance, and if she had gone there, I'm sure she or someone else would have died.

I have observed that my husband's skills and eyesight are deteriorating, and our girls have remarked on it. My approach with him is tough love. First, I insist that he leaves his cell phone alone when he drives - hands free is the law here, but he still used to mess with it. Second, I have him scheduled with an excellent opthamologist for a thorough eval in a few weeks - he has insisted on going to "doc in a box" optometrists even though he has diabetes and cataracts. Third, until that's done, I do the night driving & daytime too if he's having a bad vision day. He mostly just drives our small familiar city unless we are together. Fourth, he had wanted a different, specific vehicle for 2 years, and when we went to buy it, I realized it lacked the newer safety "bells and whistles." I insisted that he refocus on a newer, more upgraded model and explained my reasons (my car already has the features) - he was so angry that I thought I would have to walk home from the dealer. 2 weeks later, the salesperson located the perfect car - a 2 year old red Subaru Outback, with all kinds of features. He loves it, and has spent 3 months learning all the features. Now the car "nags" him and I don't have to. Finally, we signed up for our insurance company safe driver program (feels invasive to me, but every little bit helps.) One of my big complaints was that he had quit "driving ahead" and was repeatedly slamming on the brakes in traffic and at red lights - the program gives him a bad rating if he does it, so he is paying attention. It has also gotten him to stop speeding...

I do not relish the day either or both of us must stop driving, but we have many door-to-door transportation options where we live, so we will make do if we have to.
Sue

Barb - I haven't seen such a test, but I bet there is one out there somewhere. Maybe you could call your local AAA to find out?
Sue

Merry,
You were at the right place at the right time. You saved your mom and yourself. You were lucky to see first hand her driving ability.
I’m guessing she was somewhere in her 80s.??
You stay well,
Funcountess

@funcountess- Late 70's. She died when she was 81 or 2. I still have to deal with an aging husband as Sue is. He used to have such a great sense of direction. He's lost that now. But I haven't seen anything to stop him now. But my radar is on.

Here are a couple of blog posts on Mayo Clinic Connect that might be of interest:
– What's a Driving Evaluation and Why Should I Take One? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/whats-a-driving-evaluation-and-why-should-i-take-one/
- Having a Conversation about Driving https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/driving-and-mci/
https://youtu.be/TMMZM4OmVSg

I saw this in my latest email from McMaster Optimal Aging Portal and thought it might be helpful for some of us.

Improve your safety and performance behind the wheel - https://www.mcmasteroptimalaging.org/blog/detail/blog/2020/11/04/improve-your-safety-and-performance-behind-the-wheel

Great information, @johnbishop, I decided to subscribe to this site. Thanks for posting this.