How do I go about going to get help for chronic pain?

Hello, I came across this support group very recently, and I had to get the courage to post; perhaps talking with people who've been through this hell like I have might make it easier for me to get the courage to go see a doctor.

My name is Devin, and I'm 22. I feel really embarrassed talking about this with people who have probably experienced worse than I have, but the pain is getting so bad that I can't ignore it anymore. I'm going to get a little personal in terms of context to explain, so please bear with me, it could get a little long.

I've been experiencing really terrible pain in my wrists, shoulders, back, hips, and legs since I was in second grade. So, basically, 7 years old. Maybe further back, but my memory doesn't exactly go that far.

I was never able to carry things very well. I was never able to walk or run very well. Even standing sometimes is painful.

I can stand and walk for maybe 10-15 minutes before I start experiencing stabbing pains in my sides and legs. Not just a normal ache you get when you exercise, this was an unbearable sharp pain that feels like I was speared in several areas. Sometimes the pain gets so bad that it just makes me want to cry. This was a repeated thing when I was young. My parents never picked up on it properly, and my school teachers never picked up on it, and often they would make that pain worse. While my parents made fun of me, my teachers often got angry and annoyed that I was noticably slower than the rest of my classmates.

The only thing I managed to get checked out for a doctor for was for my shoulders, and the doctor actually found that my shoulder blades were grinding against my ribcage. I ended up getting this checked out when I was 17, so even then it was over a decade later when the problem first occured. My parents still blame me for my reoccuring pain. My shoulder pain gets so bad that my arms actually shake uncontrollably (I think they actually described them as tremors). I can't carry anything remotely heavy because not only does it trigger the pain, but it makes my arms shake. I do not have very good muscles, and I'm unfortunately quite weak in the arms. Along with my shoulders, my wrists hurt and feel like they grind too. I can crack both my wrists *repeatedly*, and it's not like a normal "pop". The pain has been basically progressing into my fingers on top of it.

I haven't been so lucky with getting understanding from my parents when it comes to my physical pains. So, after a few times of trying to make it known that I was hurting when I was younger, my parents would blow me off by saying "You're too young to be having that" or commenting on the fact that I was out of shape. Eventually, I started hiding my pain, and just silently trying to get out of situations where I know I was going to experience it. Going to PE in school was hell, because the teachers didn't understand. Often, I'd participate for a short while, and then tell the teacher I needed to use the restroom, and I'd hide there for the rest of the class.

Whenever I went to the store with my parents, often they'd walk around for hours, and I'd be forced to stand with them, and I could only pull the "bathroom" card so many times before they started to look at me funny. And even when I expressed my pain, they'd repeat the same lines I quoted earlier, and they'd laugh at me. I was in so much unbearable pain, and I couldn't even cry in front of them without being called other names.

It got to a point where I just told myself to ignore it. Told myself if I just tried hard enough, it would just go away. I convinced myself for a very long time that I was the problem, and that I was just lazy and weak. It made me deeply depressed for a very long time, and I struggled to leave my room knowing that I'd end up in unbearable pain again if I was active for too long; it was a timer that basically went down everytime I decided to stand up.

Now, at 22, I can't ignore this pain anymore. I tried to work a job at a fast food place, and I felt embarrassed every single time I had to stop and sit down, even after being told I could for a few minutes. I was hospitalized recently for mental health reasons, and exercising felt like I was being stabbed with pitchforks, walking made me feel like I was going to snap in half (not to mention other issues occuring bathroom wise [incontinence] that I *think* my pain is partially causing! I tried to tell a nurse when I first went in, but I eventually backed out and lied because I was embarrassed and put on the spot in front of others. They ended up confused as to why it was in my file). I can't even sit or lay down comfortably anymore and its like all my bones that connect into joints grind together. I feel like I'm in a neverending hell, and it's so hard not to blame myself in some way because of how I grew up, and knowing how many people looked down on me for not being able to keep up with others, and viewing me as a lazy fat pest; a failure.

I'm scared of presenting my issues to a doctor. What if they don't take me seriously? And if they do, what if they don't find anything? What if it's all in my head? And if they do find something, what will everyone else in my family think? I feel like I'm in a lose situation no matter where I go. Them finding something would be a technical win, but my parents (whom I still live with) might view me even lower than they already do when it comes to my physical capabilities. I've tried to ease my mom into the conversation that I've been struggling for a long time physically, and she points at my weight and how weak I am and how I don't even try. I can't even bring myself to mention that it all started in early childhood, because I worry she'll laugh in my face.

I feel insane, and I feel stuck. I know the obvious option is to just call the doctor, but I'm scared. I kept so much of my pain to myself for 15 years because I had learned that nobody was going to stop for me and that I was the problem. I'm nervous for every single possible outcome that might occur.

I apologize for the long post and the personalness. This is the first time I've opened up about this to people in this way.