1. < Colorectal Cancer

How can I help my friend who has colon cancer? She is in Minnesota

Posted by lynnebgraham @lynnebgraham, 3 days ago

My friend has colon cancer, I live in Australia; she lives in Minnesota.
Her neighbor messaged me to say that she has cancelled her surgeries and really needs a patient advocate. How can I help her? Do not know where to start, any advice very welcome. I thought the hospital would organise that as she lives on her own. Very worried about her mental health, as well as her physical health.

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Scott R L | @scottrl | 2 days ago
In reply to @rjjacobsen "Please give more information about her specific location in Minnesota, age and medical history if you..." + (show)
@rjjacobsen

Please give more information about her specific location in Minnesota, age and medical history if you are able. Some of us actually live here!

Moreover, we may be able to help her ourselves or know of individuals, groups and organizations close to her who can be of help. There are resources.

While it's extremely uncomfortable to say, what concerns me most is that she's isolated herself and gone against medical advice - as if she's preparing to die. That is her choice, (which those who care want to ensure it is a well-informed one) but even so, there are resources that can help with that process of dying.

My apologies for my directness - that's what I gather from the limited information given. I'm sorry for the whole situation.

Yes, we need more information to be of help.

For the record, I myself am a survivor of colon cancer and chemotherapy - I'm 50 months post surgery, I'm proof there is hope - especially if the cancer has not spread elsewhere.

Once again, sorry about your friend.

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I know you mean well, but divulging someone's medical history without their permission seems like a very bad idea.

It may in fact be a violation of HIPAA.

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blt50 | @blt50 | 2 days ago

Maybe your friend is depressed with regard to the diagnosis. Does she have any family or friends? I’m a retired nurse from Minnesota and they really have good healthcare there. Do you know why she has canceled her surgeries, that may be something to address. I assume she has an oncologist and it’s good to get a second opinion. It’s a very scary thing to be diagnosed with cancer. Not sure what her insurance offers, but a social worker or a case manager may be beneficial also there are cancer support groups. So wonderful she has a friend like you to advocate for her. Just letting her know you care is probably very comforting for her. There are a lot of resources available for cancer patients like others have mentioned. Have you ever tried using Zoom or FaceTime to talk with her. Take care

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lynnebgraham | @lynnebgraham | 2 days ago

Thank you for your advice, all our calls are via FaceTime so we can see each other. I always try and keep it light and we talk about our overseas holiday we took, so much fun and laughter, over 27 years ago, it is just like yesterday, so many fabulous memories we have. She is not very forthcoming with her diagnosis to me, gets very upset when she does mention it. She always says that I seem to call when she needs a laugh. I have a very rare blood cancer, MPN ET triple negative, a chemo drug controls mine, will be on it for life. Not like the invasive cancer that she has, but I do understand how she feels. Cheers Lynne

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lynnebgraham | @lynnebgraham | 2 days ago

Thank you for your advice. Will give her information and hope she reaches out. Cheers Lynne

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lynnebgraham | @lynnebgraham | 2 days ago

Thank you so much for your helpful advice. When I talk again with my friend I will let her know there are people out there who can and will help her get through this. Have just found out that she had a change of doctors which left her friend worried she would not go ahead with surgery. Apparently she is still having surgery, but under another surgeon, hopefully all will work out. Long story. This is happening early next month. I am so glad you had a good outcome from your diagnosis. Take care Lynne.

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lynnebgraham | @lynnebgraham | 2 days ago
In reply to @hopenjoy2024 "Reading the follow up comments, I wanted to add- definitely be supportive but not too assertive...." + (show)
@hopenjoy2024

Reading the follow up comments, I wanted to add- definitely be supportive but not too assertive. I have a very strained relationship with my small family and did not involve them in any way (they did not even know I had cancer until I had good news after treatment) which is why having a friend is so valuable. She can also get a “buddy” through the Colorectal Alliance- someone who has gone through it so they are familiar with the process.

You could also (if possible) try to visit, but do not offer unless it is something you can do. Minnesota is lovely in the summer and fall.
https://www.cancare.org/

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Thank you. Travelling is not possible for me, have been to Minnesota it is a beautiful state.

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lynnebgraham | @lynnebgraham | 2 days ago
In reply to @dlydailyhope "@lynnebgraham Where in Minnesota does she live? How old is she and does she have any..." + (show)
@dlydailyhope

@lynnebgraham

Where in Minnesota does she live? How old is she and does she have any local church members/friends/family who can help her? I know she feels really vulnerable and scared now.

I would think the oncology team and hospital has a support team and treatments for your friend after surgery. She may not know all about what is available because she is probably overwhelmed with everything.

You may want to ask her if she has anyone who could help her be a patient advocate and she may want to ensure she has a healthcare power of attorney legal document and living will to help ensure her wishes are included in her care pre and post surgery.

1. https://www.solace.health/state/minnesota
2. https://namimn.org/support/information-and-resources/advocacy-resources/
3. https://www.cms.gov/medical-bill-rights/help/guides/patient-advocate
4. https://mn.gov/dhs/people-we-serve/adults/health-care/health-care-programs/programs-and-services/ombudsperson-for-managed-care.jsp

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Very helpful information, thankyou so much, will pass this on to my friend.

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