How best to address conditions: Scoliosis/Stenosis/Spondylolisthesis?

For 2 long years I have been researching, making apptments w/ doctors in 3 states, that take months to schedule. Until 2 yrs. ago I was playing sports. Now, instead, I go to the gym 4-5 times a week doing exercises from assorted PTs and Drs. I am determined and I think they help a little. Walking more than 200 ft. with no assistance devices is difficult (UNLESS I HAVE MY WALKER OR A CART OR NEW CANE - THEY ALL HELP. ) I am stooped over. But the exercises help by strengthening supporting muscles.
I now have better balance, a bit more stamina, etc. What's the problem? Well, it is unpredictable. Sometimes it takes me 10 minutes to arise in the morning due to stiffness, pain, heaviness, aches. I have pain - but not like many of the people in this discussion. PROBLEM: I cannot find a surgeon who will do surgery. BIG ISSUE: I am an 80+ Female. Reasons for surgeons' rejections:
Well, it is: 1-AGE, 2-Quality of bones, 3-Degree of Spine Curvature.
I have been to some of the best hospitals - 4 times in NY City, 2 times in Cleveland. I live near Pittsburgh now, but I feel I need B-I-G hospitals with Drs. who have seen multiple conditions. I may have to get over that because it is becoming more difficult for me to travel to
these distant locations. I go by myself (my children work full time). My concern is that I may have to just find a local Dr. because I know I will have to run back for follow up visits and it is too difficult to travel 500 mi. to NY and 200 mi. to OH. I feel I need an advocate because I am getting delirious sorting through all the research. I felt I was the perfect candidate for the new TOPS surgery - it is supposed to address all my conditions. I tried; but they could not do it. I am so motivated; yet am beginning to almost give up. It takes too much time when I have other responsibilities that I cannot take care of.
Does anyone think, as I do, that the most successful Drs. are in cities that see varieties of cases? When surgeons say "Quality of my bones", I object. I have rarely fallen and never ever broke a bone (nose) until I fell last year on steps. I have always had great bones, but, I think because I had oopherectomy at age 40, I have lost some bone strength due to lack of hormones. But I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HEALTHY, ACTIVE. I worked full time until I was 73. Now, my main job is spinal research and what devices & exercises I need. I almost feel like I have a medical degree!! Question: I am VERY UNCOMFORTABLE SLEEPING LIEING DOWN (on sofa or bed). Because my body does not like that position. So, I sleep in a chair (either Lazy Boy or plain TV club chair). And I usually feel good and can get up semi-quickly than if in a bed. My PT said I caused some vertebrae to fuse because of this! My fault! By, why sleep in discomfort and struggle to get up when I am in a "semi sitting position) in a chair? My Questions: how can I find a patient advocate? Does anyone think I should forget going a distance to
big hospitals - because it is becoming more difficult for me. Should I seek out a teaching hospital? How can convince Drs. I am not the typical octogenarian? Do they hesitate because of their reputation? because the surgery is too difficult? I am kind of spinng my wheels, learning a lot, but going nowhere. All SUGGESTIONS WELCOME
Thank you. Sorry for wordy message.....and GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL....