1. < Just Want to Talk

How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Aug 29, 2021

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble..

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news..

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.

I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.

She'll read it very slowly...
‘com-for-da-bul.'

REPLY
imallears | @imallears | Aug 29, 2021

@jakedduck1

Awww Leonard…you are so baaaad. So many funny stories it’s a wonder you have time to eat candy.

FL Mary

REPLY
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Aug 29, 2021

@imallears
There’s always plenty of time to eat candy, just have to get your priorities straight, something I took care of long ago.
Buy the way, are you this old lady?

This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.
The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller kindly handed $3000 very friendly and with a smile to her.
The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.

The moral of this story is....
Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill.

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Chris, Volunteer Mentor | @auntieoakley | Aug 29, 2021
In reply to @jakedduck1 "@imallears There’s always plenty of time to eat candy, just have to get your priorities straight,..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

@imallears
There’s always plenty of time to eat candy, just have to get your priorities straight, something I took care of long ago.
Buy the way, are you this old lady?

This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.
The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller kindly handed $3000 very friendly and with a smile to her.
The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.

The moral of this story is....
Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill.

Jump to this post

😂😂😂😂

REPLY
imallears | @imallears | Aug 29, 2021

@jakedduck1
That’s my kind of old woman!

FL Mary

REPLY
Doris Jeanne W. | @dorisjeanne | Aug 30, 2021

Thank you for these, Jake, and the others who just posted jokes!!! I needed some cheering up this morning!!!!

REPLY
Mentor
John, Volunteer Mentor | @johnbishop | Aug 30, 2021

Ok Jake, here's one especially for you 🙃

I'm giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.
😁

REPLY
1 reply
Doris Jeanne W. | @dorisjeanne | Aug 30, 2021
In reply to @imallears "A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a..." + (show)
@imallears

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Eqypt and is name Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain and is named Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Goodnight and that all folks

FL Mary

Jump to this post

Now this is funny!

REPLY
Doris Jeanne W. | @dorisjeanne | Aug 30, 2021
In reply to @jakedduck1 "This is me! Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I’m watching a show that..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

This is me!

Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I’m watching a show that I don’t like because the remote control fell on the floor.

Jump to this post

Now you're lazier than me!!!

REPLY
Mentor
Lori, Volunteer Mentor | @loribmt | Aug 30, 2021
In reply to @johnbishop "Ok Jake, here's one especially for you 🙃 I'm giving up eating chocolate for a month...." + (show)
@johnbishop

Ok Jake, here's one especially for you 🙃

I'm giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.
😁

Jump to this post

😂. Practice safe texts, use commas!

REPLY
View MoreView Less
Please sign in or register to post a reply.