How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

@imallears

@jakedduck1

We don’t want you quiet. That’s no fun.

A friend of mine went completely bald but he still carries around his comb.
He just can’t part with it.

FL Mary

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@imallears
That's funny. He should get a toupe so he has a use for his comb.
I was bald at 21 years old, no biggie. I guess my brain needed more space.
Jake

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from the NIH email, All of Us Research project

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@jakedduck1

@imallears
That's funny. He should get a toupe so he has a use for his comb.
I was bald at 21 years old, no biggie. I guess my brain needed more space.
Jake

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Late to the party, but I was just talking about my grand-nephew on another thread. He was most curious this weekend about not only baldness among his elders, but also why different people have different patterns. He wanted to see a picture of my brother with hair, but he's been mostly bald since his late 20's, so doesn't believe that young skinny guy is the same person!
They live in New York without family nearby, so no close contact with older people on a regular basis.
He was also having a great time studying hair color and texture – in his mind, couples should have similar hair, so he was concerned why Uncle's hair was curly & gray, while mine brown/blond and straight, etc. So much fun to watch the wheels turn.

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@sueinmn

Late to the party, but I was just talking about my grand-nephew on another thread. He was most curious this weekend about not only baldness among his elders, but also why different people have different patterns. He wanted to see a picture of my brother with hair, but he's been mostly bald since his late 20's, so doesn't believe that young skinny guy is the same person!
They live in New York without family nearby, so no close contact with older people on a regular basis.
He was also having a great time studying hair color and texture – in his mind, couples should have similar hair, so he was concerned why Uncle's hair was curly & gray, while mine brown/blond and straight, etc. So much fun to watch the wheels turn.

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@sueinmn
“In his mind, couples should have similar hair,”
Good luck finding a bald wife
Jake

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All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:

Eating Vegetables, Staying Home, Taking a Nap, Going to bed Early.

-A friend sent this to me today.. I hope it brings a smile or maybe a chuckle.

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Hey Siri, tell me a joke…

A man went to the doctor and said "I broke my arm in 12 places.

The doctor said , " Then stop going to those places!"

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@Erinmfs

Hey Siri, tell me a joke…

A man went to the doctor and said "I broke my arm in 12 places.

The doctor said , " Then stop going to those places!"

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@Erinmfs
Siri wouldn't make it as a comedian I'm afraid.
Worthy of a grin though.
Jake

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A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
Jake

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2nd Grade teacher is trying to teach a group of her students about math. She says “Johnny on the telephone wire there are 20 pigeons, if I shoot one pigeon how many are left?” Johnny says “None” the teacher says that is the wrong answer the correct answer is 19″ Johnny says “No the answer is still None, unless the other pigeons are all deaf, they will fly away when they hear the shot.”
Jake

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"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads…"

Jake

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@jakedduck1

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads…"

Jake

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Great collection of stories – heading to my cousin's memorial service today, in a family of comedians…

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A RABBI AND A CATHOLIC PRIEST are sitting on a bus…

After a bit, the priest turns to the Rabbi and asks: "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responds: "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.

The Priest then asks: "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi quickly looks away, then faces his newly-met companion and replies: "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to the temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

A while later, the Rabbi speaks up and asks the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replies: "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”

The Rabbi then asks him: "Father, have you ever fallen prey to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest frowns, but replies: "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The Rabbi nods understandingly and remains silently thinking for a minute or two.

Finally, he says:

"Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?”

Jake

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