How about a laugh, (hopefully)

I hate spelling errors. Mix up 2 letters and your post is urined.

They say you are what you eat.

Well, today I bought some ready to eat chicken and when I got home, sure enough, I was ready to eat chicken.

(stolen from Somebody Else's cousin Someone Else)

An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York with a bombshell: "Your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"What?!" the son exclaims in shock.
"We can’t stand each other anymore," the father insists. "I’m sick of her face, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Call your sister in Chicago and let her know," and with that, he abruptly hangs up.
Panicked, the son quickly calls his sister, who refuses to believe their parents are divorcing. Without hesitation, she dials their father and demands, "You’re not doing anything until we get there. We’re flying home tomorrow to sort this out. Don’t you dare hire a lawyer or file any papers until we talk. Got it?" and hangs up.
Turning to his wife with a sly grin, the old man chuckles, "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas—and paying for their own flights!"

Did you ever consider being a stand-up comic?

@joaf37, I had to laugh at "stand up comic." You had no way to know this but I'm in a wheelchair and can only stand a few seconds to transfer. I make a lot of jokes about it to people.

1. I can't stand such-and-such. But I can't stand anything more than a couple of seconds.

2. Well, I made a mistake. I sit corrected.

3. If I were Custer, I would've made my last sit.

4. I understand. . . literally.

Yes, I know I have a weird sense of humor.

Thanks for the update ... before I received this ... after I wrote "stand -up" I almost said "or a sit-down comic to start a new trend" not knowing your challenges. Now I could kick myself for not saying that then... but the idea is still there .....
Appreciate the update -- you deserve the most possible admiration for maintaining your outlook and sharing these comments in this forum. I wouldn't say you're sense of humor is "weird" ... I expect your comments have taken "the edge off" many Mayo Connect participants many times. And beyond .... for example I often send them to friends ...

@joaf37 I love the sit-down comic line!

BTW, I also joke about my hand tremors, renal disease, and gastroparesis but that's in person to people I know and not here very often because I don't want to - er, ah, pardon me if you've lost some of them - anyone's toes. Truth is, much of the time I am physically miserable and adding to the misery are major clinical depression and an anxiety disorder. So I try to see the humor in all of it since laughter releases endorphins and such.

Case in point:

Once I slid out of my recliner to the floor and couldn't pull myself back up or reach the wheelchair but managed to grab my cell phone and call 911 then called a neighbor with a key to my place to let the paramedics in so they wouldn't have to break down the door.

I was pretty hefty back then (later lost 150 lbs from gastroparesis, a heckuva way to "diet") and wondered how a couple of paramedics could pick me up. So by the time they arrived I had painted myself a picture of an ambulance crew attaching me to a crane to lift me off the floor and this made me giggle. When I shared that vision with the paramedics, they thought it was funny, too. But it all tuned out okay because they were 4 pretty big fellas - one for my shoulders, one on each side for my waist and one on each side for my oversized bottom. And thank goodness for good neighbors; despite laughing, mine knew exactly when to turn on my power chair and steer it toward the backs of my knees while the ambulance crew kept me on my feet long enough for my neighbor to be able to get the chair to me.

I can be a very cranky old lady but laughter sure helps soften those cranky-rough edges.

Oh, and I can be very good at shaking hands with someone. I can even shake hands when there's no one around. < wink, wink>

@kamama94
How can our sweet kamama be cranky? I don't believe it.
Jake

@jakedduck1 What? Who? Me? Sweet? Bwahahaha! I learned cranky words from my grandfather: Dadrat, consarn, dingbust! There are others but I'll leave those to your imagination.

When I'm cranky:
I scream None Of Your Business at telemarketers on the phone. . .
I type all caps responses to certain inane online messages. . .
I tell hypercritical people to bite me, or worse. . .
I'm tempted to offer a special salute when someone or something ticks me off. . .

But in these threads I' try not to show the cranky, grumpy, crotchety side.

OK, enough seriousness. I'm not cranky when I get 8 hours' sleep, even if takes two nights to get that amount.

Love your jokes, kamama94!