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Feeling hopeless: How do you make boundaries and keep them?

Posted by mdk1960 @mdk1960, Oct 15 4:09am

There seems to be a ripple effect in my life one thing after the other. It is connected to me trying to keep up with current events. That is what is important to my husband. I am exhausted again hopeless feeling fear 24/7. I have tried to communicate this to my husband for over 4 years. He is of the opinion it the world will fall apart on election day. Today no more discussion of this. I told him if he brings it up to someone else I don't want to be there

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brandysparks | @brandysparks | 6 days ago
In reply to @kb2014 "Also. I married again. I moved my life long area- the midwest- and now live in..." + (show)
@kb2014

Also. I married again. I moved my life long area- the midwest- and now live in the southwest. I changed my last name' my first husband- to my paternal grandmother. She was married to my paternal grandfather who had epilepsy. He acquired it from a head agency and became verbally and physically abusive .She got an order of protection against him divorced him raised 3 children on her own. She was my favorite grandmother.

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And...thank goodness for having a favorite grandmother in our lives, right?!

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kb2014 | @kb2014 | 4 days ago
In reply to @roch "@mdk1960 I have times when I need to unplug from what is happening in world. I..." + (show)
@roch

@mdk1960
I have times when I need to unplug from what is happening in world. I no longer watch TV news, I scan few newspapers / websites online to see article titles. I am mostly only interested in local news. In five minutes I know anything I need to know about what is happening. It is harder when in a relationship. I have friend whose husband sounds similar to yours. She has set boundaries, if he want to listen to news or radio talk shows he needs to do in another room. She refuses to engage in conversations about his conspiracies theory. Be firm and consistent in your boundaries,

There are many topics I will not discuss with friends and family. If in person or group, I suggest we change the topic, if on phone, I find reason to end phone call.

You can't control what others think, feel or do. But you can control how you react and the actions you take.

If he continues to bring up discussions you do not want to participate in, do you have a plan on how to say NO?

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So we had another issue today. I got angry again yelling. Not appropriate but I am at the end of my tolerance. I tell him there is a stimulus- response and our words affect others. I am not sure if I can even say no when it happens again without him over reacting. I don't look at the news. I have done research on demoralization and ideological subversion in a society which has changed me. I have no use in discussing or being a part of all this. I love him very much we havd 2 dogs as of now my retirement income is it for all of us. I see the issue as me pulling away more and more he knows it- in regards to news- yet he keeps on. I will keep working on me. Perhaps tommorow I say the news is not important to me. I like to read healthcare medical news and journals. I got tucked into this following the news due to him our marriage the importance he placed on it. Now I understand what damage it did and continues to on everyone. We have way too much access to all kinds of info which can cause cognitive overload. Every fact concerning the negative effects of all this he blows off and blames me. Even blames me for this problem. I am getting help. I belong to Veterans Spouses network with support groups led by licensed therapists plus I have peer to peer support from a woman with a trauma history similar to mine. Thank you

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