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Michele
@micheleinok

Posts: 19
Joined: Dec 06, 2017

Holidays in the fog

Posted by @micheleinok, Dec 6, 2017

I am a 51 year old woman with long term depression and now anxiety. I used to love the holidays, any holiday, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. It wasn’t about the gifts, but more about everyone seemed to have a smile on their faces. Maybe I just had a smile so bright everyone reflected mine. Now it seems like I walk in a fog, blinking lights, people murmuring, hustle and bustle, but no one is happy, including me. I feel lost and alone when I’m surrounded by people. Not sure what to do to make the fog go away.

REPLY

Hello @micheleinok, I see that you just recently joined Mayo Connect so allow me to welcome you. I appreciate your post. Many of our members who have experienced long term depression have problems during the holidays.

I see from your post that you enjoyed the holidays at one time – is this the first holiday season that you have felt “in the fog” as you say? Have there been any events that have triggered this feeling (such as losses of friends, family or health issues)? I would like to introduce you to some of our members who will gladly share with you. Please meet @jimhd, a volunteer mentor, as well as @parus, @amberpep and the moderator of the mental health discussion group, @lisalucier.

Just a thought: have you discussed this foggy feeling with your doctor? If not, I would urge you to do so. Often there are physical reasons for these types of symptoms.

Please keep posting so that we can support you through this holiday season.

Teresa

Thank you for the welcome @hopeful33250. I have had several losses but the most damaging was my fathers death. After that the family stopped communicating and now I feel like I have lost them all. So now Christmas is my family and I try to get into the swing of it, but it seems like a chore. I do my best to put on a good front, but it just isn’t the same. I try to keep myself so busy I can’t get to down.

@micheleinok

Thank you for the welcome @hopeful33250. I have had several losses but the most damaging was my fathers death. After that the family stopped communicating and now I feel like I have lost them all. So now Christmas is my family and I try to get into the swing of it, but it seems like a chore. I do my best to put on a good front, but it just isn’t the same. I try to keep myself so busy I can’t get to down.

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@micheleinok

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Everyone reacts to grief differently, even those in the same family.

Were you a caregiver for your father?

Teresa

We were very close. He underwent a bone marrow transplant and never recovered from the procedure. It was very hard on all of us, we really expected this to be the fix, not the end. My step-mom and brother still don’t talk, and we seldom touch base. We are spread out across the country, so it’s not like we will run into each other. I try to keep us ‘together’, but I have stopped lately. It just doesn’t seem like it’s worth the effort. I try to envelope myself in my current family, but there is always that tug to reconnect.

@micheleinok

We were very close. He underwent a bone marrow transplant and never recovered from the procedure. It was very hard on all of us, we really expected this to be the fix, not the end. My step-mom and brother still don’t talk, and we seldom touch base. We are spread out across the country, so it’s not like we will run into each other. I try to keep us ‘together’, but I have stopped lately. It just doesn’t seem like it’s worth the effort. I try to envelope myself in my current family, but there is always that tug to reconnect.

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@micheleinok

It sounds like you have been doing your best to reconnect the family. I admire your efforts, however, sometimes it just isn’t enough, is it? My guess is that the ball in now in their court and they will need to make the first move in order to connect. I’m glad that you have enveloped yourself in your current family, this is a lovely description of moving on. This sounds like a healthy and wise approach.

Teresa

@micheleinok — That would be tough going from really enjoying the holidays to feeling lost and in a fog over Thanksgiving and Christmas. A few other members here have talked about having a hard time with enjoying the holidays: @jimhd, @sadiesmom, @IndianaScott and @overwhelmed. Hoping you can all meet up here on this thread.

Do you relate the fog you feel you are in around the holidays has to do with your father’s passing, @micheleinok?

It may be, I always seem to have a full plate, and the stress is possibly the cause. I try to let as many things go as I can. This time of the year does tend to be worse than others. Granted there are inherent pressures involved with the holidays that do play a role. I feel bad for grandkids that don’t get the bubbly Grandma for Christmas. It just takes to much.

The holidays are over now. When can I expect the fog to lift? Nah, better off in a fog.

@parus

The holidays are over now. When can I expect the fog to lift? Nah, better off in a fog.

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@parus — I note that even when you are saying something a bit dark, you always throw in a bit of humor that makes me smile.

@parus

The holidays are over now. When can I expect the fog to lift? Nah, better off in a fog.

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Seems I do this often @lisalucier. Always leave others with a smile. I truly am my father’s daughter.

Usually as the holidays fade off into the past, I return to a normal state, but not this year.
The blues are hanging in, and I can’t seem to shake them.

@micheleinok

Usually as the holidays fade off into the past, I return to a normal state, but not this year.
The blues are hanging in, and I can’t seem to shake them.

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@micheleinok I’m sorry to hear that you aren’t shaking off the holiday blues. What sort of activities have you tried? I’m thinking about calling a friend, going for a walk (if weather permits), doing something for someone else, etc.? Sometimes just a small change in your routine can make a difference. Little changes add up!

Best wishes for 2018,

Teresa

Liked by Parus

@micheleinok

Usually as the holidays fade off into the past, I return to a normal state, but not this year.
The blues are hanging in, and I can’t seem to shake them.

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Well my go to person has been busy lately, so I’ve been moping around. I wasted a week off just sleeping and now I feel worse than I did. I am moving in a few weeks, so I have a lot to do, just can’t get motivated to do it.

@micheleinok

Usually as the holidays fade off into the past, I return to a normal state, but not this year.
The blues are hanging in, and I can’t seem to shake them.

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@micheleinok

Moving is quite a stressor all by itself! Is there anyone you can call on to help you? Moving requires a lot of physical and emotional support. Is your move something that will be good for you in the long run?

Teresa

@micheleinok You are not alone. Did okay enough through the holidays and hit bottom with a thud. Do hope your moving will be a positive thing. Packing can be daunting-a good time to downsize and try not to hang on to the attachment of things. I did a dumpster full of downsizing and it was a cleansing type of thing. Most “things” are not important. How I feel. I have not been one to form attachments to things.
Yes, moving can be stressful. T’would send you motivation if I could.

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