Having problems talking to family and friends about cancer

Posted by lycisca @lycisca, Feb 3 8:21pm

I'm in my fifth year of ros1 lung cancer. The doctors say I'll be on oral chemo forever (for a long as it continues to keep the cancer under control) which means, this is the best it gets for me, despite having to cope with major side effects.
I just watched a long- time friend drift away after I explained to her why I haven't been able to get together for lunches and walks anymore. I'm severely immune compromised and my mobility is now limited. She said she was sorry to hear it, what a bummer, and closed her note without a word about what's going on in her life, an offer to call or anything.
Nevertheless, her response was much better than my brother-in-law's, I pity you, which caused me never to speak to him on the phone again. And I've never mentioned my cancer to other close family and friends because several of them are control freaks and if there's anything I don't need at this stage, it's advice on treatment for my cancer. In phone calls and email I just pretend the cancer doesn't exist.
Does anyone else here have the problem of talking about their cancer with family and friends?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Lung Cancer Support Group.

kakalena | @kakalena | Feb 7 11:12am

In reply to @lycisca "@hlolson Hiking is such a wonderful way to cope with stress. I wish I could still..." + (show)

@lycisca
I think I am the exception to most of the responders. I was first diagnosed with lung cancer in January, 2023, and was told that it was stage 4, inoperable due to multiple locations and that I would be receiving immunotherapy as palliative treatment. All of the scans etc. beforehand had somewhat prepared me for this, so I held off on sending my annual Christmas letter/card. I finally did send what I now call my "Holiday" letter. I sent it out in St. Patrick's Day cards. The reaction from friends and family was overwhelmingly positive. Their kind words and uplifting cards and prayers were a real benefit. I explained to my husband that I didn't want my friends to find out one day that I was terminally ill or dead. He agreed with me. I have now passed my 3 year mark, have added pancreatic cancer to my ills (still working on that letter) but all is hopeful and I wanted to share that, too. Humor helps. I am tempted to send a photo of my chemo bald self in this next one, probably another St. Patrick's Day card .

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