Grief and Resilience Live Together

I am posting this today because I need some support. I am an emotional wreck for the first time in decades, and while I am usually very good at figuring everything out, I realize that sometimes I do have to allow myself to be vulnerable and reach out to people who might have a similar situation and be able to offer me some guidance. I really do have too much humility, and see that it is my pride about living gracefully with a chronic, incurable illness that has caused me to reach the point where I am beginning to question my own existence and future. No, I am not going to do anything stupid, I just need some support.
I don't know if it is the tapering off of the Effexor or the other things going on in my present situation that have caused me to have crying jags nearly everyday this week.
I thought that giving up my caregiver role would help me to focus on my own health, which it has. It was only until I stepped back, that I realized that providing help to anyone was just another way to avoid my fear about my own health situation, and as a result I am frightened beyond belief. My denial system has been so strong, that once I stopped focusing on the needs of others, I began noticing how awful I felt both physically and emotionally. Yes, I have a positive outlook, or as positive as one could be in my situation, which has been described previously. However, this pain I feel now almost feels visceral. My brother in law, age 73 and who has always been a "rock" has dementia and while my sister has kept saying she would place him in a facility, she has not been able to make this very difficult and personal choice. She learned on Monday that her husband will soon need a wheelchair, a result of a back injury of which could be corrected surgically, but cannot because of the dementia. He would be unable to participate in his recovery. In the meantime, my sister, the only one of two who speaks to me, is suffering from her own health issues, which she has put aside because of her husband's condition. I have tried every way to support her, suggesting modalities to treat her neuropathy, a result of chemo drugs when she had breast cancer years ago, yoga to help her with her stress etc. I have encouraged her to "get some help" which goes against the "family code" of not "telling" and which I no longer abide by, obviously.
Certainly I have it pretty good, friends, a "good" support system, but recently have found that those I have known a lifetime do not want to hear me discuss anything with respect to my condition(s). Yes, they provide me with great support when they want to, give me some financial help when they want to, but what I really need is a true friend who will be my "witness" for lack of a better word. I just texted a friend and asked if he had time for a 15 minute conversation and instead of responding he sent me a video of the beach he took this morning. You can imagine what I wanted to fire back, but did not.
Being chronically ill and living alone is a constant struggle, and I do the best I can to NOT ask for help in any situation. However, I see now that perhaps it is okay to reach out and ask for someone, anyone, to tell me that I am doing a good job, and while my future is grim, I can still live as healthy and productive life as possible.
I am facing so many difficult decisions, alone. Everything is building up and I don't know how to separate all of these conflicting feelings. I still see my friend Carolyn nearly everyday, somehow thinking that she could provide me with the guidance I need and which she used to give to me predementia. What was I thinking!?
I have tried in vain to avoid posting anything as personal as this, but I am confident that someone will read this post and hopefully respond in some fashion that will allow me to continue to stay focused, positive and not do something stupid.
Thank you