1. < Caregivers

Going back to work to help cover costs & be a supportive caregiver

Posted by createyourownmerit @createyourownmerit, Feb 23, 2023

I retired suddenly at 62 to care for my husband when he was at his worst and needed a full time caregiver. Today, he needs a driver to get him to and from as many at 8 appointments a month. During Covid when caregivers weren’t allowed inside the buildings, I learned two important lessons: 1) my husband became fully responsible for communicating with the Drs and was empowered! 2) the burden I felt by taking exhaustive notes was lifted! (Oh what joy when we discovered all the details in the Drs notes on the portal!) Fast forward to today: I am exhausted with being his driver and am considering getting a part-time job that would cover costs for someone to take on this role so that I can be a more supportive caregiver as needed at home. Would you be so kind as to weigh in on this idea? Am I crazy to take on a job simply because I desperately want to get out of driving to appointments? By just writing this post I’m walking away thinking it’s a great idea, go for it - guess I’m looking for anyone out there who’s faced this dilemma. Thank you.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Feb 23, 2023

createyourownmerit- Good morning! What an ingenious way of handling your own stress. My circumstances are very different than yours and I have my own problems that would not allow me to do this. If you think that you would not be as tired if you got a job so that you could be a better caregiver then go for it. Being around someone 24 hrs is exhausting and if this would alleviate some of your stress then go for it. DO you have family memebers that you can talk to about this who might help out?

REPLY
1 reply
createyourownmerit | @createyourownmerit | Feb 23, 2023
In reply to @merpreb "createyourownmerit- Good morning! What an ingenious way of handling your own stress. My circumstances are very..." + (show)
@merpreb

createyourownmerit- Good morning! What an ingenious way of handling your own stress. My circumstances are very different than yours and I have my own problems that would not allow me to do this. If you think that you would not be as tired if you got a job so that you could be a better caregiver then go for it. Being around someone 24 hrs is exhausting and if this would alleviate some of your stress then go for it. DO you have family memebers that you can talk to about this who might help out?

Jump to this post

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps me to have outside feedback and endorsement. Wanting to work to get away - there's guilt in that. The jobs I'm applying for would be low stress but provide a social outlet. I love to work and have regretted at times having to retire, although I have plenty of interests in retirement also. Family members are located across the U.S. but they say "Do it yesterday!" My husband has a wonderful attitude despite all of his challenges. He cannot see well enough to drive, however, and has severe neuropathy. We think we can identify a reliable driver or use Uber. When I suffer burnout I become angry and resentful toward my circumstances - a life I'd never have chosen but can find beauty in becomes burdensome. I want to avoid taking it out on my husband, who also would never have chosen his circumstances.

REPLY
2 replies
Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Feb 23, 2023
In reply to @createyourownmerit "Thank you so much for your reply. It helps me to have outside feedback and endorsement...." + (show)
@createyourownmerit

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps me to have outside feedback and endorsement. Wanting to work to get away - there's guilt in that. The jobs I'm applying for would be low stress but provide a social outlet. I love to work and have regretted at times having to retire, although I have plenty of interests in retirement also. Family members are located across the U.S. but they say "Do it yesterday!" My husband has a wonderful attitude despite all of his challenges. He cannot see well enough to drive, however, and has severe neuropathy. We think we can identify a reliable driver or use Uber. When I suffer burnout I become angry and resentful toward my circumstances - a life I'd never have chosen but can find beauty in becomes burdensome. I want to avoid taking it out on my husband, who also would never have chosen his circumstances.

Jump to this post

Then do it! I'm like you with anger creeping up when I'm in this state. When I was a caretaker for my mom, even on the day it took her to die, I had to leave the house to refresh my mind and take a break. I no longer feel bad about it but we were all better for it.

If I have to take a break from Dave now I will. But to tell you the truth a strident part of his personality has vanished and he is nicer! He is less sarcastic, or not at all. HELLO, I am actually loving being home with him now. We have fun, and joke, and when he's serious or confused I can spend that time with all my heart and attention on him without any resentment.

My social outlets now are the people who are helping us get settled and letting us live peacefully too. Yesterday was a bizarre day and I was so relieved when people left. It was like, ok it's us again!

It's nice to meet you. Can I ask what is the type of job that you're looking at?

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Feb 23, 2023

@creatyourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some more research before you go back to work. There are resources you might not have tried:
Area Agency on. Aging
Senior Centers-for guidance on transportation
Local and/or regional transportation companies—find out what they have in transportation services for seniors
Ask friends and family for help
I recently found this quote : “And remember, when you reach out for help, you are not just helping yourself, but you are also offering an enriching opportunity, to give and connect, to someone else.”
Can you give some of these resources a trycreateyourownmerit yourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some more research before you go back to work. There are resources you might not have tried:
Area Agency on. Aging
Senior Centers-for guidance on transportation
Local and/or regional transportation companies—find out what they have in transportation services for seniors
Ask friends and family for help
I recently found this quote : “And remember, when you reach out for help, you are not just helping yourself, but you are also offering an enriching opportunity, to give and connect, to someone else.”
Can you give some of these resources a try?

REPLY
2 replies
createyourownmerit | @createyourownmerit | Feb 23, 2023
In reply to @becsbuddy "@creatyourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some..." + (show)
@becsbuddy

@creatyourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some more research before you go back to work. There are resources you might not have tried:
Area Agency on. Aging
Senior Centers-for guidance on transportation
Local and/or regional transportation companies—find out what they have in transportation services for seniors
Ask friends and family for help
I recently found this quote : “And remember, when you reach out for help, you are not just helping yourself, but you are also offering an enriching opportunity, to give and connect, to someone else.”
Can you give some of these resources a trycreateyourownmerit yourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some more research before you go back to work. There are resources you might not have tried:
Area Agency on. Aging
Senior Centers-for guidance on transportation
Local and/or regional transportation companies—find out what they have in transportation services for seniors
Ask friends and family for help
I recently found this quote : “And remember, when you reach out for help, you are not just helping yourself, but you are also offering an enriching opportunity, to give and connect, to someone else.”
Can you give some of these resources a try?

Jump to this post

Thank you! We use Uber exclusively - I’ve not thought to look for other transportation companies, and that may save us some dollars. I appreciate your guidance - yes, I’m exhausted. On top of everything, we’ve had company most of this month (Arizona winters are usually quite nice), my mother is in hospice in California, so I try to see her as often as possible. Our neighbors are wonderful - they step in to help when I ask, and maybe I don’t ask enough. Again, thank you.

REPLY
createyourownmerit | @createyourownmerit | Feb 23, 2023
In reply to @merpreb "Then do it! I'm like you with anger creeping up when I'm in this state. When..." + (show)
@merpreb

Then do it! I'm like you with anger creeping up when I'm in this state. When I was a caretaker for my mom, even on the day it took her to die, I had to leave the house to refresh my mind and take a break. I no longer feel bad about it but we were all better for it.

If I have to take a break from Dave now I will. But to tell you the truth a strident part of his personality has vanished and he is nicer! He is less sarcastic, or not at all. HELLO, I am actually loving being home with him now. We have fun, and joke, and when he's serious or confused I can spend that time with all my heart and attention on him without any resentment.

My social outlets now are the people who are helping us get settled and letting us live peacefully too. Yesterday was a bizarre day and I was so relieved when people left. It was like, ok it's us again!

It's nice to meet you. Can I ask what is the type of job that you're looking at?

Jump to this post

It’s nice to meet you also, @merpreb. I’m with you on deep breaths when company leaves. Wonderful while they’re here and sometimes bittersweet but nice to wave farewell. I have ideas for employment but no job in hand as this is something I’ve thought about for months but not pulled the trigger on. I’m passionate about learning. I can work remotely, which I’ve done with instructional design, but contract work can get intense and I don’t need that right now. Many friends and acquaintances have suggested I write our story, and my husband and I are taking a class from a published author starting this Tuesday for that very thing. I don’t know where that will lead, but it could provide at a minimum the social outlet I’m seeking and a feeling of personal accomplishment. I’ve applied to two jobs, one remote, part-time supporting a medical services company that works with seniors, and the second is part time in a library for minimum wage. I’d love to take that one on. My dream job would be a job share teaching language arts and social studies combined to 5th graders in a private school. Afternoons only. That’s pretty specific, but one can dream.

REPLY
1 reply
Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Feb 24, 2023
In reply to @createyourownmerit "It’s nice to meet you also, @merpreb. I’m with you on deep breaths when company leaves...." + (show)
@createyourownmerit

It’s nice to meet you also, @merpreb. I’m with you on deep breaths when company leaves. Wonderful while they’re here and sometimes bittersweet but nice to wave farewell. I have ideas for employment but no job in hand as this is something I’ve thought about for months but not pulled the trigger on. I’m passionate about learning. I can work remotely, which I’ve done with instructional design, but contract work can get intense and I don’t need that right now. Many friends and acquaintances have suggested I write our story, and my husband and I are taking a class from a published author starting this Tuesday for that very thing. I don’t know where that will lead, but it could provide at a minimum the social outlet I’m seeking and a feeling of personal accomplishment. I’ve applied to two jobs, one remote, part-time supporting a medical services company that works with seniors, and the second is part time in a library for minimum wage. I’d love to take that one on. My dream job would be a job share teaching language arts and social studies combined to 5th graders in a private school. Afternoons only. That’s pretty specific, but one can dream.

Jump to this post

Hi- Keep on pursuing all of this. When I needed such an outlet I started a blog. My son set it up for me (he does corporate identity stuff). What a wonderful outlet it became. I have also been very verbal and have loved to write. It lead to several writing requests but nothing that paid.
https://my20yearscancer.com/
I need to have my son change the photo again. It wound up serving a few things. First, it was a special project that I shared with my son, secondly, it was a release for me, and from what I have heard through responses both on the blog and privately it has helped others. Presently it has served its purpose because my life has changed so much. I don't know what kind of thing I want to do next but it will be a bit different, but always aimed at helping.

Talk to you later
Merry

REPLY
Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Feb 24, 2023
In reply to @becsbuddy "@creatyourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some..." + (show)
@becsbuddy

@creatyourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some more research before you go back to work. There are resources you might not have tried:
Area Agency on. Aging
Senior Centers-for guidance on transportation
Local and/or regional transportation companies—find out what they have in transportation services for seniors
Ask friends and family for help
I recently found this quote : “And remember, when you reach out for help, you are not just helping yourself, but you are also offering an enriching opportunity, to give and connect, to someone else.”
Can you give some of these resources a trycreateyourownmerit yourownmerit. It does sound like you are exhausted. I think you may want to do some more research before you go back to work. There are resources you might not have tried:
Area Agency on. Aging
Senior Centers-for guidance on transportation
Local and/or regional transportation companies—find out what they have in transportation services for seniors
Ask friends and family for help
I recently found this quote : “And remember, when you reach out for help, you are not just helping yourself, but you are also offering an enriching opportunity, to give and connect, to someone else.”
Can you give some of these resources a try?

Jump to this post

Looks like some computer program messed up! Or maybe it was just me! Becky

REPLY
tasher3433 | @tasher3433 | Feb 24, 2023
In reply to @createyourownmerit "Thank you so much for your reply. It helps me to have outside feedback and endorsement...." + (show)
@createyourownmerit

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps me to have outside feedback and endorsement. Wanting to work to get away - there's guilt in that. The jobs I'm applying for would be low stress but provide a social outlet. I love to work and have regretted at times having to retire, although I have plenty of interests in retirement also. Family members are located across the U.S. but they say "Do it yesterday!" My husband has a wonderful attitude despite all of his challenges. He cannot see well enough to drive, however, and has severe neuropathy. We think we can identify a reliable driver or use Uber. When I suffer burnout I become angry and resentful toward my circumstances - a life I'd never have chosen but can find beauty in becomes burdensome. I want to avoid taking it out on my husband, who also would never have chosen his circumstances.

Jump to this post

You are a wise woman. None of us chose this path. Having an outside interest then gives us something to share with our person. It can brighten the day, or not, but still validates each of us. You are very special, don’t ever forget this!

REPLY
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