Erectile dysfunction: how do you deal with it together as a couple?

I am in no way saying you are wrong asking "how you deal with it", but wouldn't "how do we do with it" be better? However, I am so offended by your statement/question. We suffered thru the blue pill, the penile injections, and now the inflatable penile prosthesis. Yes, the IPP solves the penetration problem, however, it is the result of a pump and hydraulics not love and attractions. Erectile dysfunction is a medical condition that effects two people not just one.

Sorry that you were offended by my wording of the statement. Honestly I was embarrassed to ask the question.
I know that it takes to work out the situation.

Hi Marbee, I can imagine that it took a lot of courage to write your question. It is a very personal and sensitive topic that is difficult to talk about with your partner or to get advice from family or friends. That's where online communities like Mayo Clinic Connect can help.

@waterboy is quite right that it is an issue that is best discussed as a couple. But sometimes that conversation can be really hard to start and to navigate.

I've added your question to the Women's Health group too because I'm confident we can have a respectful discussion to get tips from all sides of a relationship. I think @artscaping may have some thoughts to add.

Marbee, are you and your partner still interested in intimacy, like cuddling, holding hands, or touching?

Thanks Colleen...

Yes, we still cuddle, hold hands and touch. Sex is important in any relationship. Our love for each other is more powerful than sex.

Good evening @marbee21, I am Chris and am currently and probably for the future in the very same position as you appear to find yourself. I am thinking that this may be a medical issue based on the way you have written the words. Our relationship is a relatively new one......about 8 years. Initially, we were like young lovers.......hardly able to wait until we arrived at his house or mine to begin an evening of lovemaking. All of a sudden, my life partner was diagnosed with prostate cancer and the next three years were a bit touch and go. First came surgery and then just as the physical issues were becoming less of a challenge, the cancer returned and the radiation treatments began.

As he says, even a partial erection can give him physical and emotional pleasure. And you are so right....sex is important in any relationship. I can remember thinking that it was just so much effort. Sometimes, I was ready to try assistance from prostheses among other options. And we stopped talking about it......just held each other and expressed our feelings with mutual manipulation.

To my surprise, I am the one who then encountered physical restraints as aging tissue became dry and painful to touch. At my annual physical we both had a chance to broach the subject with my PCP who was understanding.

We have also considered couple therapy. We both have backgrounds in counseling and therapy but not sex therapy. Surprisingly, we have grown closer than I ever thought possible after a year of lockdown. We can open new doors, have broadening conversations and often collapse in laughter at and with each other.

Would you consider talking with a professional about your relationship?

May you have happiness and the causes of happiness.
Chris

Hi marbee21. My husband started experiencing ED in his mid thirties. We put it down to stress, since he worked all the time, did housework, and cooking because I have CML. (Chronic myeloid leukaemia) Then it went away. He had another brief moment in his forties, then he got sick. Ulcerative colitis and steroidal diabetes. It's technically type 2, but only active while on steroids to treat the inflammation of the bowel and intestines. From 2007 to now, it's been a roller coaster ride. I feel horrible for him. He wants everything to be like it once was. Its not easy. I tell him it's okay. I understand. I do my best to support him. Even when he offered to take medication. I have My opinion. That if the risks, side effects are going to harm him in anyway... No. But it's his decision and his body. I hope I answered your question. Hugs.💖

@artscaping The relationship with my husband is even newer than yours, since 2015. At that time he was on dialysis and eventually received a kidney transplant. His ED issues were already in place before we met. While he will resort to medical assistance in the form of "the little blue pill" it does make our situation awkward. His libido is definitely higher than mine, and we have spoken frankly about the positives and negatives. It has been and probably always will be a sensitive subject for me; I want our our relationship to be successful on all levels. As my health challenges seem to increase, simple physical contact is enough for me, and his desire for more is frustrating for him.

You're very right, that open communication is a untapped well of information, comfort, and understanding.
Ginger

Good day to you @anglis ... Thanks to the Most High that you and your husband are on the up and up. We thought about the little miracle pill as well of the side effects that comes with them. Still at a stand, it's possible that it came from stress being a Tractor Trailer Driver. Hopefully soon he will have the time to be tested.
Thanks,
@marbee21

Hi right back! Thank you kindly for your message. It's nice to connect with people, not just because we are in pain, but I honestly believe it's the decent thing to do. Helping others is VERY important to me. So if you need to chat, I'm always a screen away.

My great grandfather worked for Blue bell for 50 years, as a truck driver. It takes its toll on the body and mind. Even more so with the pandemic last year and the after math it's left everyone in. I sincerely hope you and your loved ones are okay.💖

As for the 'little blue pill'. My husband went through a stage of denial, then frustration, to anger. Sometimes he would have a conversation with it. "Hey, come on. Work with me on this." It's funny the way he said it but it's sad too. I often wondered if I inadvertently put him under pressure to perform, so I let him come to me when he felt ready.

There's a company called 'numan' here in England. It's on the tv ALL the time to promote ED awareness. We looked into it. Cause at first we thought it was something new, when in fact, it was advertising the 'blue pill'. (Among other medications and men related issues, like hair loss, testosterone replacement, ect.) I don't think he was overly impressed with the cost, and his initial response to the lack of spontaneity was heartfelt. He says romance kind of goes out the window when you have to take medication to get your motor running.

I hope that science and medicine find healthy ways to treat this problem for men. It's not nice for them.

Sending gentle hugs. 💖