end of my rope

You must find your way out of this abusive relationship. I speak from experience. After my first husband died, I lived with an abusive husband and then an abusive partner. You are only 58. You are close to the age of my daughter. I am 77, so I see you as very young, and you have that on your side. Do you have family and friends who could help you out of this relationship? As an abused wife and partner, I know it is hard, it is scary, to think about really going, but you must not live like this. Find your strength, find your way, let people help, please. I know of what I speak.
❤️P

I am so sorry for your situation.
You need to seek help. You already found your way to this Mayo site. That is a good first step. I don’t know where you live but I urge you to get help by calling or texting this number. ( Note it is a crisis lifeline, not just suicide)
In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat. Services are free and confidential.
Can you talk to your doctor? Do you have access to a women’s shelter? Both of these could provide guidance.
I wish your plea for help would be flagged as urgent but that’s not how this site works, apparently. ( I was looking for info on tinnitus and just saw your post in a sidebar. )
I urge you to continue to reach out. Stay strong.

You have taken the first step; acknowledging your situation.

Build your new life in your mind, every little detail you can think of.

Each day take a step towards that life. Big or small it doesn’t matter. If some days you can’t even crawl try again the next day.

Keep the life you want front and center.

“When going through hell, keep going” Churchill.

This board is a great place to find hope.

We all need hope!

Hi @jobycat, I hope you saw the helpful replies to your post from members like @pkh3381 @karenbeenken @dfb. I agree with them that you have taken a great first step in sharing with us.

Karen shared the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline with you. It is available 24/7 if you need to talk to a real person. I'd also like to add information about the National Domestic Violence Hotline
Website http://www.thehotline.org/ On this website you will find a phone number to call 1-800-799-7233 or you can use the online chat and get help without saying a word.
By contacting the Hotline, you can work with professionals to find safety and solution that is right for you.

How are you doing today?

Colleen,
Thank you for adding the info about the National Domestic Violence hotline. This sounds like a very good resource. I hope @jobycat will see this.
Karen

Thank you all for the replys. I go through each day knoing it will be hard. Just looking for the small wins. A cookie or a shower, it is something I can enjoy even for a sec. Living in a cave is more like it. I keep my head down and manage my PTSD as well as I can. Not wanting to sleep in my car is a great motivator. With my health the way it is, it is getting harder to keep fighting. Knowing I would never make it in a shelter or on the street makes me keep grinding out every second

Hey, you got it right!......looking for the small wins, the little joys......no matter what it is for you! I know the health issues and making it hard to keep fighting, but what is your option? Trust me, I know how hard that fight can be, and how lonely that fight can be, but giving up is not an option, is it? I think that is what you are saying about not wanting to sleep in your car and not making it in a shelter or on the street? It sounds to me like you are a fighter! We all have our moments, our days, when we give up some, but I think the ones who don't jump back into the fight [and pardon me for saying this] are dead, or completely lost. I know the PTSD, too, and it is another fight. But, you posted here, you ARE fighting, you are doing the work, and you deserve kudos for that! I don't mean this to be preachy, but are you taking steps to find your way out of that relationship? Because, I think that would make the fight so much easier. I wish there were some actual way I could offer you help with leaving. A place, etc., but I am sure the help is out there. Keep on, keepin' on! You are worth the fight!
❣️P

It sounds like you are homeless. Are you?

If not, how did you meet this “roommate”?

Thank you so much for your reply. I have tried and tried I still can not come up with a way out for me. I am going to be 58 in a month and I live in an untenable situation. I can not leave the house with out a 'good' reason. the store to get food etc. Not allowed to talk to anyone. Have not heard from my brothers in a few years, or have friends. I know what you are thinking why dont you leave? Well where to go? The shelter? or the street. I have a lot of health issues that do not travel well. I live with a barley functional person that is delusional. I have to walk on egg shells every day. I have resinged myself to the role I play. There is no other way. She lets me sleep on the couch and I pay the bills out of my ssdi. It takes all I have to just be here. So ...

I just googled "crisis hotlines", and got the following info about the crisis #988: "What is 988? The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) offers 24/7 call, text and chat access to trained crisis counselors who can help people experiencing suicidal, substance use, and/or mental health crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress." I thought maybe this would be helpful because you are feeling trapped and need some good solid help with a solutiion to your problem. You could also google "crisis hotlines" for your State to get help with local assistance for someone in your type of situation. Please don't take this as a "cold" reply. I just really hear you, that many of the suggestions we have made don't work for your particular circumstances. Bottom line, you must get out of your living circumstances and relationship. Many of the crisis hotlines do not require you are suicidal. You can just talk [or, many of them are chat lines] and, as I understand it, they have many resources available to direct people to specific help for specific circimstances, which is why I have suggested this. You say you can't just go anywhere, but I am hoping you can place calls, or do chats? My heart goes out to you.❤️