Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?

I just found this thread and have read through most of the comments. I'm 2 months post radiation after having chemo, then bilateral, then radiation for TNBC and I'm BRCA2+. I was fortunate to have minimal side effects from all my treatment. I'm still working and getting ready to retire and I find some days I get nothing done at work - fortunately I still work remotely - but the work that needs to get done, I'm completing. But some days I just don't want to focus.

My emotions are all over the place - I provide care for my 96 YO mom that still lives alone and close to me (her wish); so I can provide immediate care if I need to. Going through my treatment was a roller coaster ride - telling my mom only enough so she knew things were progressing positively so she wouldn't worry. I know in the back of her mind there was the question - if something happens to me (my mom) who is going to take care of her. All my siblings live in other states and I'm not sure what would have happened. My husband is a good man but provides NO emotional support. If I tell him I need a hug, I'll get one - but he's not intuitive enough to sense I need one without asking - sometimes that's a good thing - other times I wish I didn't have to ask. I know its a no-win situation

With active treatment completed - I'm waiting for approval for my maintenance med - it's odd. Sometimes I feel as if I'm sleep walking or just going through the motions. Other times I'm excited - but in the back of my mind there is this little voice that tells me to be "thankful" I've done everything medically current that I can do for my dx and it's time to get started on that bucket list I have. Which I am doing - but emotionally I never learned how to release that pent up feeling. I'm trying to learn yoga and meditation - but I don't know how to get "unstuck". I've reviewed the signs of depression and I don't meet that criteria - but maybe I need to talk to someone. I have found this board and many of the discussion groups informative and sometimes helpful.

Thank you for listening to my rambling - today is another unfocused day. Tomorrow will be better - I hope.

Hello @rggj,

You have certainly expressed the feelings of a cancer survivor well! I appreciate your words. Life after cancer treatment represents a new way of living and it is a process, and this process may take time. There was a certain comfort in the follow-up appointments and the monitoring. However, as we come to a place where that is no longer necessary, we need to look for other ways to support ourselves emotionally.

Sue, @sepdvm, had a great thought when she posted about seeing a counselor. This may just be the professional support that would be good for you at this time. Also, this is a good time to explore some activities that would help you to feel good. Whatever interests you in the way of physical activities, reading, movies, lunching with friends. All of these can be emotionally healing.

Do any of these ideas sound like they might help you to focus on life after cancer treatment?

Throughout my treatments I totally dreaded weekends. Those were days when it felt as if nothing was being done to rid me of this disease. It was also a time when everything seemed to go awry. A leaky pick line created a double saddle blood clot over both lungs and my heart, putting me in the hospital for the next week. Pneumonia after one of the chemo sessions popped up on a weekend. I simply was more comfortable on the days I was being monitored. Now, as I am making the decision to stretch my appointments out to a year, I feel anxious about the prospect of not being seen for that period of time. I know that I am very fortunate, but ridding myself of the thought of how quickly the cancer presented itself creates a constant consciousness. I need to wean myself off of the comfort I feel after being monitored and get some of my invincibility back.
Good luck to all of you going through your treatments. This too shall pass.

I felt like there was more stress and worry as the treatment ended than during treatment, when you feel like you are doing everything as a team to fight your disease. My oncologists and nurses at Mayo agreed with that and suggested therapy with an experienced counselor. I felt helplessness at the end of treatment, just waiting for scans and the return of cancer. Starting an immune therapy from out of the country at this time is what helped me feel I was still fighting the cancer. Also, educating myself on diet and other complementary therapies gave me knowledge and strength to feel empowered. Anxiety with scans is a given, but it gets better with time. Going in with a knowledge that there could be bad news is better than expecting an all clear. I am almost 11 years since my first surgery, radiation and chemo. I have had a few metastases over the years addressed with surgery and now an immunotherapy. A friend shared his analogy with us of just keep kicking the can down the road.....new treatments and research is always changing the cancer field so it can be an endless road. A few good books to help combat your anxiety and give you a positive direction: How Not To Be My Patient by Edward Creagan MD, Radical Remissions by Kelly Turner and her newer book Radical Hope, The Rebel's Apothecary by Jenny Sansouci. Complementary therapies may not have the accepted medical testing your doctors demand, but there is a lot of anecdotal evidence of benefit from good nutrition and supplements like Beta Glucan. Good luck to you.

@jbj Do what you can, and please do not beat yourself up for not "doing more". Honor yourself that way, and know you are a strong person! We all have anxiety over something in our journey, whether it is an upcoming scan, or labwork, or current meds. Deep breaths, you are not alone.

Gentle as you go,
Ginger

Truthfully I do Crossword Puzzles, & watch a good Movie. Get myself so tired I fall right to sleep, but I often wake up sweating with Anxiety about what maybe tomorrow & that's so wrong, I have to start getting out more & joing Groups in my area, it's just hard..but I'm thankful I'm here, just wish I was stronger..

My Social Worker was my Angel, she was there 24/7, she had group chats, She pulled me through, and even now I call her. As I still get bad Anxiety even though radiation therapy is done, I worry about recurrence which she gives me breathing exercises & does it with me, it helps, everyone should contact there Social Worker at there Hospital, she also put me in touch with a Mentor & he calls every week, as he to went through alot, but he's 6 years post & everything he says & did made sense
Hugs to all,

@rainyp I was told by many sources (my radiation oncologist, my nurse practitioner, Cancer education group at Mayo Clinic) that this anxiety is very common and normal after treatment. You have been through something that none of us imagined and we weren't prepared for any of it. I became depressed about halfway through my radiation treatments and I did talk with the radiation oncologist about it. That's how I got involved in the Cancer Education group.

Before my first two appointments after I finished radiation I was very, very anxious to the point that I had to intentionally practice my cognitive-behavioral skills to reframe my thinking and practice mindfulness medication all day before my appointment. It's been one year and I was less anxious at my most recent appointment (in mid-December).

Do you have a mental health therapist you work with? If not, can your oncologist refer you to a mental health therapist who is skilled in working with cancer patients? I believe our needs do differ just enough that it helps to have someone who is skilled in this area.

It's a good insight that you pretended to be fine when you weren't. Some people aren't even aware that they are doing that and our providers tend to believe what we tell them instead of looking at our faces and body language and listening to our voice that are telltale signs that we very frightened.

What can you do for yourself that is soothing? Take bath? Listen to music you like? Watch a favorite movie? Practice yoga?

I was OK during Treatment, I felt safe, it was rough, was it ever, I worry more now about recurrence than I did with my initial diagnosis.
It may never happen, God willing but Scary..

I am 3 weeks out from my last treatment and am super anxious about my scans in 3 weeks. I was super depressed during my treatments and I don't know why but I pretended I was fine to everyone including my doctors. I've always been a strong person but currently feel very scared and fragile.