Anyone feel they made major life mistakes that are not forgivable?

I carried guilt around for years until I realized it wasn't because I did something wrong, it was because I didn't meet someone's unreasonable expectations of me. Once I eliminated that element from my life, the guilt went away. Life doesn't come with a manual.

This is difficult for me as an atheist to understand. If you left God out of the equation, how would you feel about your life choices?

@laurabamford4015
Having gone from not especially caring, and being a Woody Allen (atheist ) fan, to believing, in short/long, it all comes down to does this existence make and order itself, or is there some Creating/Ordering power, which is too huge for us to fathom?
I have done my best to live "right," despite a horrible childhood, many times totally screwing up.
I don't think, overall, I did a very good job, just good enough, but not enough to account for the blessings (sorry!) that have been bestowed on me and my family. Kriss Kristofferson Why Me Lord? What have I done to deserve...
There is no 1:1 quid pro quo with the Universe, as in I give charity therefore I am entitled to a blessing, and if I don't get a blessing, this whole God thing is garbage.
Others, who do bad things, seem to have it good, when they should be cursed. Why? Your God is supposed to do Justice.
The unsatisfactory answer is, it's a mystery. It's supposed to be, which we roll back little by little with each passing millenium, leaving more mystery.
Where does it say we are supposed to know Everything Everywhere All At Once?
The true mystics (Nicholas of Cusa 👍) have the process figured out, but no final answer. Maybe there isn't final answer, only process and mystery, which we have the privilege of being part of.
Too many things have happened to me personally over which I had no control, which, when I put them together (eg.people who came into my life setting me on the right path. Angels?), form a loose pattern or gestalt 😄, that tells me I am not a discarded suffering orphan in an overwhelming existence, but that I am important to some mystery plan that I can figure out my piece only in retrospect. If I ignore it or discount it, I am only causing myself more anxiety, and anyway, I cannot resign because
You can check out
anytime you like,
but you can never
leave.

I am still as big a Woody Allen fan as ever.

@shmerdloff
Oh, and I know about post hoc ergo propter hoc.

@laurabamford4015
First of all, all mistakes are not the so-called sins against God and his commandments, so there is not always going to be a need to ask for God's forgiveness. Some people lean into religion when looking for answers.
By definition a mistake is an action, decision, or judgment that is incorrect or wrong, typically resulting from a lack of knowledge, carelessness, poor judgment, or an unintentional error rather than a deliberate act.

Yes, it's so hard for me to move on. When I was a teen, I made many regretful choices. I cheated on my bf, didn't look out for my sister, ignored my family's advice, didn't stand up for my son, struggling with mental health and parenting.
I'm finally in a better place, but struggle a lot with my depression.

@joyann80

Thanks for sharing some of your story. I value hearing it because it is so honest, straight forward and human.
I have done and not done things in my years on the planet that I have regretted and felt ashamed of. Here is what I try to remember:
We are on this little planet among who knows how many trillions of others. This one seems to be a school where we try something, observe the results, evaluate the results and move on to another approach and try to practice deep compassion for ourselves as learners.
The myth seems to be that somehow, miraculously, we should have known. Even if we have been told multiple times experience is the great teacher...the best teacher.
Many others remind me when I become paralyzed with regret: if you "fail", don't lose the lesson.
Tend compassion toward yourself as a tender thing that must be remembered and treated with care and love. Best to you in this little earth school.
I've put fail in parentheses because I don't think of it as failure.

First, you need to forgive yourself. You have regrets for past decisions. Most of us do. Mistakes are just that: mistakes. You can't change the past so try not to focus on it. Do what you can to connect with your sons. Move forward with your life, being kind to others. I'm sure your therapist is helping you do exactly that.

I try not to worry about things that I personally can't change. It helps me get through the day.

I wish you peace.

Donna

The only thing I took from admittingly very short time attending AAA meets to try finding help living w/ alcoholics: the serenity statement. The wisdom to know the difference between what you can control and what you can’t. For me it has nothing to do with a “god” or the concept of “forgiveness”. To me those are religious constructs and just another way to dictate human behavior. Only applies to me of course not to what anyone else chooses. So find what works for you then go with it. fwiw

@joyann80
The fact that you are aware of your past (forgivable) way of being is a huge step. Most people stay in rationalization and denial, which will not allow for remediation.
While depression is not fun, it is a normal systemic reaction to facing reality. You done it. It's over. What do you want to do today? Tomorrow?