Difficulty after divorce

amberpep personally I have been in situations where my alternative were do nothing and ignore the attacks of others or respond and defend myself. I have found more times than not ignoring a bad situation hoping it will just turn out ok or for the better never worked for me. So for better or worse and knowing that a fight will happen and I will be way out of my comfort zone, One way or another I got prevailed. So I do understand your wish not to make waves in the past. And how did it work out for you? So go forward and get your needs met. it might be a painful process but in the end I think it will be good for you. Again good luck

Thank you safetyshield for your input. Yes, I have to pick my battles, that's for sure. I got my divorce papers out and am plodding through them to see if it says anything relative to this .... probably not, but you never know. If this should get re-opened, the whole family would be down my throat ..... not that I have much family ... just me, my 3 kids, and 2 of them are married - one with 2 kids ..... otherwise, I was an only child, parents are dead as is everyone else. I may have said this before, but I got into a debt consolidation program where I pay a certain much smaller amount, once a month, and somehow they work it out with the creditors to get agreement. I would imagine they're pretty busy right now with the economy the way it is. I know a lot of women primarily who are in the same situation. One lady I've come to know is moving in with her son. We're all in our 60's or 70's and I don't think any of us thought this is how life would be at this point.
abby

No body does

Morning everyone .... well, my oldest daughter and I went looking at apartments yesterday again - all too expensive - but on Monday we have an appointment to look at some which are more reasonable. As much as I would love to go back to MD, it would be like a slap in the face to my kids ... as if I were saying, I'll choose where I want to live over living near you ..... that is just nasty and not me at all; and they have been so sweet to me and helpful. I couldn't ask for 3 better kids .... my son is in Alexandria, VA that's why I don't see him too much. I just can't pick up and move back .... I think they'd be really disappointed and I can't do that to them.
abby

Oh I feel so sorry for all of you ... these are some of the tough things of life. And when people say, "perk up" it almost adds salt to the wound.
I was married for 45 years, we had 3 kids, and when our youngest got into 10th grade, I began to work again. Then off he went to college and we were called "empty nesters." I'd had one close friend say to me one day, "do you know you have footprints on your back?" I had no idea what she was talking about. But as I thought about it, I realized ..... she was right. To shorten the story, I am now divorced (for 10 years), my X-husband has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I was "always wrong, never right, irrational and illogical, and just pretty much blown off" like a piece of dust. I tried and tried, very carefully to talk about how I was feeling, but "I was nuts." He did take care of the things in the house that needed doing, and despite all this, he was a good father .... but I realized to him I was little more than a housekeeper, a caretaker for the kids, and a provider of occasional sex. I had been in deep therapy for several years and finally convinced him to go to marriage counseling with me, with a different therapist. At one point the therapist told us to say something good about the other. I really had several good things to say as he was a good (but strict) father, a good provider, took care of the fixing-up things on the house, etc. When the therapist asked him about some good things about me that were good, he thought awhile, and finally said, "she's a good mother." That was the long and the short of me. After that I was devastated and knew it was over ... I was nothing more than a child's caretaker. He never once attempted to stop me, tell me he loved me, and he didn't want me to go. That said a lot right there. The day I left, I gave him a letter explaining why I had to go, and his comment was, "you don't have to do this you know." I simply said, "yes I do." I was totally heartbroken as I'd give my all to this family. I lived in the upstairs of a girlfriend's house, then bought a condo which I loved, and then moved down here to VA (which I still don't like). And, of course, he lives down here too, about 20 miles away in a big house he built, and I'm in Section 8. I won't go into why that happened. It's been over 10 years now, and I don't think I'll ever get over it. After 45 years with one person, with so many memories of trips, raising our kids, etc. I still grieve over the loss of my marriage. But, it is what it is, and it won't change. I still love him and probably always will, but he's 80 now and I'm 77 (we're both in excellent health), so I must learn to be content as I am.
Barb