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amberpep
@amberpep

Posts: 610
Joined: Jul 02, 2012

~ Fearful in my Apartment Complex ~

Posted by @amberpep, Sat, Feb 10 7:40pm

As many of you know, about 2 years ago I moved from MD to VA to half a duplex. Hated the town I was in and $$ was going down quickly, so I moved about a year ago to a low-income apartment complex. Now, please, please don’t think I’m feeling like I’m better than these folks, because I realize that in God’s eyes we’re all the same. There are so many problems in just my building, and I’m sure the others also, that it’s very upsetting. Children run random like wild animals, jumping up and down on the A/C unit, run through the hallways screaming all hours of the night and day, and the older kids try to aim directly for us when they’re on their bikes. Every Sat. PM, there’s a real drug-fest in the building across from me, and the other night I was awakened by the sound of a gun. The management knows all of this, but seems to be helpless to do anything. Also, there’s a police officer living in my building, but I guess when he’s off, he really is off. Can’t say I blame him. Often there are 4 police cars out front hauling someone away ….. a drunk, drug addict, or the woman downstairs who is schizophrenic and not taking her meds. There are people here, very elderly and frail who seem to have no one checking in on them, so I’ve been doing that weekly, a 36 year old woman who has the mental capacity of a 12 year old. The other night I had a knock on the door for me to take a young girl to the ER … chest pains … they should have called the ambulance, but “no” they didn’t want to. So I stupidly took her, plus 4 other people. There’s a guy here that is in and out of jail, going from friend to friend …. his family kicked him out. So, now, I pretty much stay in my bedroom, on the far end of my apt. I make my dinner and come back here. I have my door locked, a deadbolt, and a heavy metal thick rod that goes under my door knob, and as soon as I eat dinner, it’s lights out except for back here. Even with my meds., my anxiety is through the roof, and I’ve had to take melatonin to sleep. When I try to tell my kids about it, they chuckle and say, “oh, wow, that’s funny.” No, it’s not funny at all. I’d rather just go to sleep and not wake up than live with this fear.
Why oh why did I ever move from MD? It was a huge mistake, but it’s too late now.
abby

Liked by Parus, Lorraine

REPLY

@amberpep

I wonder if there might be a solution to your situation that you haven’t considered. Maybe a realtor or someone in the housing business would have some suggestions. Safety is pretty important, and your family is totally out of line to laugh at the idea.

I’d be willing to bet that there’s a better, safer place for you that’s within your reach. Finding the right place could be your hobby for awhile.

Jim

@amberpep

First of all – how kind of you to be looking after your neighbors who don’t have anyone to check in on them. That is wonderful that you are doing that.

I would agree with Jim, though, that safety (and peace of mind) is very important. His idea of connecting with a realtor or a senior services organization might be a very good plan right now. If there is a senior organization that might be able to recommend low income independent living apartments? If so, that might be a good avenue to investigate.

Be careful and stay safe, Abby.

Teresa

Liked by Parus

@amberpep

Dear God Amberpep !! You’ve had a slice of life where you are. I am sorry to hear about your situation and hope you will follow up on Jim’s suggestions. I feel good about it and feel you will not be where you are for long, Hold on dear Abby and stay safe.

Hi friends …thank you so much for your input. Before I moved from the other city in VA to here, my kids and I researched every place around that was both nice and that I could afford. This was the best option financially for me … little did I realize what I would run into. There are other senior apartments, but their prices vary widely, some going as high as what I paid for the other place I was living. And here, we don’t pay for trash and water, which really helps. I never told you how I got into this mess, so I think now is a good time ….. when my father died 20 years ago he left me a lot of money – close to $1 million. For several years I didn’t touch it because I always felt if you didn’t work for it, it was not really yours. After 3 years I finally broke out of that and bought myself a bright red Toyota 4-Runner, which I absolutely love … no payments, straight out paid for. Then, at the advice of a “friend” I put the rest with a Financial Adviser, bought my condo, putting a goodly size chunk on it. I still was being careful with my $$ …. I’ve never been a spendthrift. Well, then 2008 hit with the downfall of the financial market, plus unknown to me my Investment Adviser was running a “ponzi scheme” ….. I saw my money going down and down. I called him on it and he said that it was because the market had fallen so bad …. sounded reasonable. But, mine fell more quickly than I thought it should, so I again zeroed in on him and wanted the answer. Of course I never was told, by him, what he was doing, but he was apparently double and triple billing many of his clients, including me. By the time I pulled out I had a whole lot less than I started with …. enough that I was really scared for my future. When I got a new F.A. he told me to bring in all my paperwork from the crooked F.A. so his lawyers could go through it ….. they did, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to recoup any of it back. Thus began my moving, moving, and then landing here. I sold my condo when I moved here and actually had to pay the buyers $6,000! (I’ll never figure that one out.) The crooked F.A. was caught by the SEC, given a hefty fine (over $2,000,000) and he can now only sell insurance, and they are free to come in any time they want, unannounced to check all his records. Meanwhile, those of us who got taken, are in similar situations as mine. Sure not the future we’d hoped for. I always felt guilty about this because I felt that I’d taken my Dad’s hard earned money and just flushed it down the toilet.
abby

@amberpep, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I was an FA until it became obvious to me that I was on too much pain medicine to make the best decisions for my clients and I got out. I feel horrible when this happens to anyone and it is a black eye for the industry. I won’t ever be back in the biz, but I hate to see people view the industry in the same light as car dealers and attorneys, sorry to either of you groups. It is a shame that there is usually not much left for recapture. At least believe that you did not abuse your Father’s money or memory, the crooked FA did that and you should bear no guilt over someone else’s actions. I know that does not help with the current situation, but guilt is a horrible, debilitating emotion.

Thanks for your kind words gman007. It’s really hard not to feel badly about my Dad’s money. I know how hard he worked, and his father worked, to save as much as they possibly could. I think my Dad had hopes someday of doing some traveling after he retired with my mother, but she was long gone by then. She died at age 60 from cirrhosis of the liver – she was an alcoholic – and their relationship was pure hell, for them and for me.
Life is strange …. you never know what’s coming down the road at you. Probably good we don’t or we’d want to “check out” immediately.
abby

@amberpep Sounds like the place where I live. It is a roof over my head and thankfully a small complex. I live in the back and rarely show my face. There are folks that can be comfortable with lots of noise. I am not one of them. I don’t see myself as better than some of the residents altho I am more respectful and do not make a lot of noise. Some residents don’t even know I live here. The constant noise and creaking floorboards above my head, barking dogs, cigarette butts all over, dog crap not picked up, etc. I keep my doors locked and try not be on hyper alert. It is not working well. When I moved here it was senior housing. Not so now. They now pack into a family member’s apartment. I don’t know how they live like that. All of the energy they expend sneaking in and out they could find a job. Why? Mommy will still care of them. There are parents that are enabling. None of my business. This is the best I can do. Slovenly people I do not understand nor would I want to…
So, it was a peaceful community when I moved in and I do not have another move left in me. My adult children are doing well. They know I have little and I am okay with this. I keep my home clean and am not a burden on anyone. I worked hard for what I have.

@gman007

@amberpep, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I was an FA until it became obvious to me that I was on too much pain medicine to make the best decisions for my clients and I got out. I feel horrible when this happens to anyone and it is a black eye for the industry. I won’t ever be back in the biz, but I hate to see people view the industry in the same light as car dealers and attorneys, sorry to either of you groups. It is a shame that there is usually not much left for recapture. At least believe that you did not abuse your Father’s money or memory, the crooked FA did that and you should bear no guilt over someone else’s actions. I know that does not help with the current situation, but guilt is a horrible, debilitating emotion.

Jump to this post

Wise words. I still feel guilt about the actions of others. It was beaten into me as a child. Doubt I will ever fully overcome the feeling. Intellectually I know I do not have the kind of power I was told I did. Guilt the destroyer of lives.

@amberpep

Hi friends …thank you so much for your input. Before I moved from the other city in VA to here, my kids and I researched every place around that was both nice and that I could afford. This was the best option financially for me … little did I realize what I would run into. There are other senior apartments, but their prices vary widely, some going as high as what I paid for the other place I was living. And here, we don’t pay for trash and water, which really helps. I never told you how I got into this mess, so I think now is a good time ….. when my father died 20 years ago he left me a lot of money – close to $1 million. For several years I didn’t touch it because I always felt if you didn’t work for it, it was not really yours. After 3 years I finally broke out of that and bought myself a bright red Toyota 4-Runner, which I absolutely love … no payments, straight out paid for. Then, at the advice of a “friend” I put the rest with a Financial Adviser, bought my condo, putting a goodly size chunk on it. I still was being careful with my $$ …. I’ve never been a spendthrift. Well, then 2008 hit with the downfall of the financial market, plus unknown to me my Investment Adviser was running a “ponzi scheme” ….. I saw my money going down and down. I called him on it and he said that it was because the market had fallen so bad …. sounded reasonable. But, mine fell more quickly than I thought it should, so I again zeroed in on him and wanted the answer. Of course I never was told, by him, what he was doing, but he was apparently double and triple billing many of his clients, including me. By the time I pulled out I had a whole lot less than I started with …. enough that I was really scared for my future. When I got a new F.A. he told me to bring in all my paperwork from the crooked F.A. so his lawyers could go through it ….. they did, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to recoup any of it back. Thus began my moving, moving, and then landing here. I sold my condo when I moved here and actually had to pay the buyers $6,000! (I’ll never figure that one out.) The crooked F.A. was caught by the SEC, given a hefty fine (over $2,000,000) and he can now only sell insurance, and they are free to come in any time they want, unannounced to check all his records. Meanwhile, those of us who got taken, are in similar situations as mine. Sure not the future we’d hoped for. I always felt guilty about this because I felt that I’d taken my Dad’s hard earned money and just flushed it down the toilet.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep

I’m so sorry to hear how your difficult financial situation came about. How devastating to say the least! My thoughts and prayers continue with you.

Teresa

@gman007

@amberpep, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I was an FA until it became obvious to me that I was on too much pain medicine to make the best decisions for my clients and I got out. I feel horrible when this happens to anyone and it is a black eye for the industry. I won’t ever be back in the biz, but I hate to see people view the industry in the same light as car dealers and attorneys, sorry to either of you groups. It is a shame that there is usually not much left for recapture. At least believe that you did not abuse your Father’s money or memory, the crooked FA did that and you should bear no guilt over someone else’s actions. I know that does not help with the current situation, but guilt is a horrible, debilitating emotion.

Jump to this post

@parus

Right you are. We can only be responsible for our own behavior – not that of others. Just keep reminding yourself of that – it might make a good poster!

Teresa

Liked by Parus

@gman007

@amberpep, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I was an FA until it became obvious to me that I was on too much pain medicine to make the best decisions for my clients and I got out. I feel horrible when this happens to anyone and it is a black eye for the industry. I won’t ever be back in the biz, but I hate to see people view the industry in the same light as car dealers and attorneys, sorry to either of you groups. It is a shame that there is usually not much left for recapture. At least believe that you did not abuse your Father’s money or memory, the crooked FA did that and you should bear no guilt over someone else’s actions. I know that does not help with the current situation, but guilt is a horrible, debilitating emotion.

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@hopeful33250 Thank you. It means a lot to hear the words of encouragement.

@amberpep I saw an older lady who had streaked her white hair with pink and purple. You came to mind with your liberating action. I am saddened you need to deal with so much garbage in your golden years. I refer to these years as my pewter years since both are soft metals. Physically I am weak, but endeavor to keep my spirit strong. I hope things improve for you. Keep your feisty spirit.

@parus I appreciate your kind words of encouragement to @amberpep. I’m very intrigued by the new picture. The colors are lovely! Can you tell me something about it?

Teresa

Liked by Parus

@hopeful33250

@parus I appreciate your kind words of encouragement to @amberpep. I’m very intrigued by the new picture. The colors are lovely! Can you tell me something about it?

Teresa

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Thanks you all for your kind words. I honestly don’t know how I’d get along without you dear folks, and my therapist and Psychiatrist.
It is such a safe place to share everything, no matter what. It’s funny, I call these the titanium years because of my artificial knee!.
abby

@amberpep

Thanks for your kind words gman007. It’s really hard not to feel badly about my Dad’s money. I know how hard he worked, and his father worked, to save as much as they possibly could. I think my Dad had hopes someday of doing some traveling after he retired with my mother, but she was long gone by then. She died at age 60 from cirrhosis of the liver – she was an alcoholic – and their relationship was pure hell, for them and for me.
Life is strange …. you never know what’s coming down the road at you. Probably good we don’t or we’d want to “check out” immediately.
abby

Jump to this post

I still feel as if you did nothing wrong and should not carry undeserved guilt. I actually think we all do carry much that we don’t deserve and it is debilitating. I think some of those surprises coming at us can be good, fun, or hopeful. I at least have to have that discussion with myself most days or we would not keep going.

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