Devastated by support group meeting: I'm doing everything wrong
Just absolutely devastated last night during a PC support group meeting. I thought I'd share with the support group (via zoom) that my RP surgery is in four days and was hoping I might get a few words of encouragement before the big day. Instead, this support group session was an informational meeting on Focal Therapy from an expert.
To me, what followed was 90 minutes of medical information with the slant that RP surgery is absolutely a terrible thing to do as first treatment if you can do Focal and that people should start with Focal therapy and not suffer the barbaric side effects of surgery (I'm informed, I know what they are).
I was a zoom participant and my audio was turned off and I never had the chance to say, "Hey guys, I'm doing surgery in few days and now you've got me convinced that everything I'm doing is wrong." I was despondent because I thought I had my mind made up and now experts were saying that was not the right thing to do.
It was a rough night.
Let me explain: This meeting turned out to be entirely a presentation by a director of a Focal Therapy program where they offer five different focal therapies. His program was loaded with fantastic information.
But, one of his key messages that I was taking away is that Focal Therapy for those that qualify is that you don't have to unnecessarily suffer the indignities of impotence and incontinence if you choose focal therapies...or at least much less risk. They assess your case and then pick the most appropriate focal therapy. Later, down the road, if your PSA starts going up, you still have the full option of RP. But, another key theme is that you really want to avoid RP because of the horrific side effects. So, explore this new, modern approach that is the forefront of treatment that is Focal Therapy.
At the end of the session, the moderator saw I was waving my arms (my audio was muted from the feed during the entire session) and leaned in to see that I wasn't waving goodbye...I was upset. He could kind of hear me. At first, the discussion was like if you're not 100 percent confident with your decision, then contact your doctor and get more info and if not confident, cancel the surgery....even it it's as late as rolling in the operating room.
However, he very graciously got my phone number and called me directly, which I'm super appreciative. We were able to talk more. At first, it was an assessment of whether I would be a candidate for Focal Therapy (contained to one lobe of the Prostate, no spread). So, yeah, I probably could be a candidate. But, then I think he realized that an entire session on Focal and how glorious it is with no opportunity for "support" from the group for those at a surgery turning point could have left me "conflicted' just days before my surgery.
I reached out to a PC buddy who was really helpful. He shared his journey and some of his thought. The turned out to be a real lifeline.
I'm still conflicted, but thinking I'm going forward with my surgery. Holy smokes, that was not what I needed from a "support" group days before surgery to be convinced that I'm doing the absolutely wrong thing.
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@jeffmarc Wow-this confirms all of the things I was really concerned about.
Those recurrence figures are absolutely terrifying. It makes sense the UCSF only recommends it as an adjunct to surveillance or some very specific case.
Jeff-thank you so much for sharing all of this really impactful information. I feel much better about my decision process. Thank you again!
It makes me wonder why the presentation I watched by a center director portrayed such a dramatically different picture. If I had been presented this information, I would have not been upset at all.
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3 Reactions@turtbean Yes, this was mostly my experience as well. The doctors presented the facts and then let me decide.
What happened at the support group meeting is a Focal center director presented what seemed like the rosiest version of how wonderful Focal therapy is and how much better the side effects were.
Seeing addition information on recurrence rates from USCF program today that overall focal therapy is associated with minor side effects, but high rates of recurrence both in- and out-of-field.therapy. That does not paint the same picture in any way at all.
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5 Reactions@copyman You are so right...it's really hard to know if you made the right choice when you get dramatically conflicting information from medical professionals. Going to trust my docs and avoid the noise from the Youtubers.
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4 Reactions@surftohealth88 Once again, you are a beacon of light with really good information.
If I opted for RT, tI was going to be on ADT for six months. The addition of ADT for six months to RT sealed the deal to go with RP. Then, like your husband, I'd have the option of Salvage RT.
Not familiar with any of the immunotherapy treatments, but hoping we all can buy time and have those as good options down the road.
Wishing your husband safe sailing.
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3 Reactions@turtbean Oh my goodness and please, no filter, never shut up. We are all ears!
The tip on the itchy-burny is so helpful. Filing that away for a few weeks from now post surgery.
When to start pelvic work post surgery-good to know you started two months later. Wonder if it's ok to start sooner. Adding that to my questions for the doctor. Your exercise routine sounds really, really good. Keep at it.
And progress on incontinence-that sounds super promising-you're getting there!
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1 ReactionUpdate: I am still shocked by what happened in my support group session last night. I feel like the doctor presented an overly-rosy profile of the effectiveness of focal therapy and did not convey just how small a group of patients actually are appropriate for focal therapy. He was incredibly convincing and incredibly enthusiastic.
And, then, after I had been convinced by the doctor's presentation that choosing surgery was absolutely the worst decision that I could make, having the person running the session telling me repeatedly that I should cancel my surgery if I wasn’t confident in my decision because focal treatment just might be the best option for me. He even spent some time with my test results to see if I qualified for focal therapy.
So, yeah, I was put on a roller coaster. I reached out to you all and you answered the call. I now feel confident in my decision to go with surgery and that focal is NOT a good choice for my situation.
As it turns out, three months ago during my initial visits, my wife kept notes and dang, both the surgeon and radiation oncologist in those long consultation sessions said that focal options were not appropriate for me. I feel pretty stupid now that I didn't retain those comments, but I truly was in the fog and shock of early diagnosis.
The oncologist said the “advantage to those quasi-experimental treatments is maybe it would work but disadvantage is you lose time to treat and give time for it to spread. There’s not a lot of data on those treatments yet.” The surgeon said, “Focal therapy an option if only just a few cores in one location, but you are probably not a candidate for this based on location.”
I’m in a so much better head space - heartfelt thank you to all.
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6 Reactions@fritzo "He was incredibly convincing and incredibly enthusiastic."
The word "Incredible" is incredibly 🙂 overused, but here it is the correct word. 🙂
@fritzo
I think focal therapies can be the future of treatment. But results show we aren’t there yet.
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3 Reactions@fritzo
Dear Fritzo, it IS overwhelming , the whole process is just horrendously stressful - so much information and so much to learn in such a short period of time, so many things to consider; what, when, with whom, where, how, why, and than some 🤕. It happens to me to even now after so much reading and learning - there are days when I feel like I am tabula rasa ! During appointments the pressure was even worse and between my heart pounding and me trying to concentrate on questions the risk of loosing notes became real issue, so early on I decided to start recording conversations. It was a life saver ! It helped me go through consultations at latter time and refresh my memory with every detail.
Also, you have to keep in mind that presentations like one that you saw are very often self promoting, I mean even some popular videos that everybody watch here are basically promotions for that facility or that person . Nothing bad about promoting, but everybody (meaning "consumers") has to be careful and do their own research and listen to ALL sides and than make their decision. Also, decisions are not written in stone - if you wish to have some more time to ponder (week or two ) , that is OK too 😎.
PS: I forgot - did you ask your surgeon how many RPs he performed and what is his record with ED and incontinence rate ? If he did thousands and with great results, you are really in good hands.
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4 ReactionsAs my ortho stated to me, if you keep coming back for that knee you are going to end up with surgery because that's what I do. My view on prostate cancer doc's is they are salesmen. No services, no pay. And barbaric in my view is hyperbole. I had an RP and it was a couple weeks of discomfort followed by an additional 3 weeks of healing then back to life.
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2 Reactions