Connect
desperate for help
Hello, I am new to this website and I am not sure where to start, so here is my background. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and have had this for many years. The last 3 years have really been the worst. I wake up each day dreading to face the day of anxiety and stress, finding myself often paralyzed to do anything. I stress out over things that are not real or that I just can not face like mowing or going on an errand by myself. I have lost all joy and desire to do things I used to like working outside on our property, doing my hobby of target shooting, etc. I am so sad and often dark all the time. I find my memory is sketchy both long and short term. I feel isolated from family and friends except for my wife and occasionally our son’s family for special events. I really just want to stay inside, on the couch, doing nothing, where it feels safe and I do not have to face my anxiety. I feel lonely, even though my wife is here and is really supportive of me. In fact, I have become very dependent on her for doing everything, which makes me feel bad/ashamed/guilty for not doing my share. I have had problems going to and staying asleep, though in the last 2 weeks that has improved some with low dose Serequel. I had major picnic attacks, which seem to have subsided with the addition of Rexulti. I have a psychiatrist who has been working with me to find the right med balance- it has only had limited success- I was told I may have a medication resistant form of depression I started seeing a psychologist for cognitive therapy ( only about 6 times), but she moved her practice and I have had no success in finding someone- most of them are not taking any more patients- still looking. What I really was hoping for was a med that would just work and turn off this depression and let me live my life. My wife tells me this is not realistic and that it needs to be a multipronged treatment,. Just writing this has been stressful. I came here because she suggested I might connect with others who are or have experienced what I am going through and perhaps I might find more strategies to help me deal with this daily fear and anxiety and depression that has robed me of my life, because right now I fear it will never go away.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
Connect
@molliemegan Wow! I relate to so much to what you've shared and thank you. My depression is unrelenting and has its claws in for the long haul! Am medication resistant meaning nothing has worked (meds nor various treatments like ECT, biofeedback, PTSD, etc.). Have isolated so much , and COVID didn't help, so to not subject others to the black hole of depression and mood swings that I must live with. In my case family is not an option as a resource, but I do have a couple of good friends. At this point I feel no joy just depression all day every day...it's the familiar. Occasionally I seek out therapist but feel worse than better. Tried journaling but lately have nothing to write along with low energy and lack clear thinking.
I'm writing here because I can so relate. Again, thank you for sharing.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@marjou Your post this morning really touched my heart. I’m so sorry you have this deep level of depression and mood swings. You mentioned trying medications and tools for overcoming this and nothing has worked.
I’m a generally overly-perky person, so when I went spiraled down into a deep depression in my early 40s for no discernible reason it was frightening. I had mood swings and an all encompassing dark veil around me constantly. There was nothing negative going on in my life. It just happened! It was debilitating, my 10 year old daughter and husband suffered along with me as their lives were greatly affected as well.
Blood tests from my gynecologist at the time showed a serious hormonal imbalance due to my hitting peri menopause. It was recommend I take hormone replacement therapy. Since my mother had issues with the mainstream HRT, I wasn’t keen on taking them. However, my doctor was open to alternative medicine and prescribed a plant based hormone balancing cream instead, Rebalancing my hormones made all the difference in the world! I applied the cream in 1/4 tsp amounts once per day on my arm and it was like a miracle drug for me, completely restoring my annoyingly perky demeanor.
I’m curious if you’re doctor has ever run a hormone test on you?
It’s just a thought and in no way meant to be a diagnosis. I’ve found a couple of articles relating to this.
Peace...Lori.
https://renewmetoday.com/blog/2020/07/13/why-hormone-imbalance-cause-depression-and-anxiety/
https://www.endocrineweb.com/hormonal-imbalances-depression
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@marjou. By the way, I love the photo on your bio. Is this your artwork?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@loribmt How nice of you to reach out. Yes have had hormones test after pressing my GP for this with no real results. Seems that I fall into a general sort of category. HRT is not a viable option for me because of high estrogen and breast cancer in my family. Am in post menopausal phase of life and depression seems worse and unrelenting.
Have therapist and psychologist appointment this week but don't expect much relief from either. Thanks for your suggestion.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 Reactions@loribmt Not my artwork but love the bright colors and it does give me something to smile about.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@marjou I am saddened to hear the depth of your despair you write about. Let me tell you how I handled my own similar situation, and see if you can relate at all:
For parts of my life I have dealt with depression. Many of us are in a "mature" age group, and remember how we would not admit this to anyone. Various things I have tried is writing, or reading self-help books, or art therapy, or exercise, or working too much, all in an attempt to try to feel better. What I wasn't doing was putting myself into it wholely - whole heartedly and whole minded. My last two therapists [one LCSW, one a psychologist] I enlisted by saying, "I need help. I want your assistance to get me closer to where I need to be to be healthier." This phase, to me, showed I was going to do work, not just look for a "magic pill" of expecting someone else to fix me. It's a team thing, me and my professional. I can't do as well without their guidance, and they cannot do it for me.
Does this make sense? I hope your appts go well this week, and you will let us know how you are doing afterwards.
Ginger
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 Reactions@gingerw Very well stated. There are therapists deserving of the title. From my own experience hard to find. Being in the senior community I do not agree with lenient attitudes I have seen in the mental health system. Scary to me and some of those here know my attitude when it comes to this profession.
Your words made healthy sense.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 Reactions@parus Thank you. I am working hard to take a pro-active stance in how my physical and mental health is dealt with. This morning I have a face-to-face appt with my psychologist, first time in a year!
Ginger
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsPlease consider my suggestion to come in as a low in its' intensity, but caring, since it does not directly answer you comments.
It might be worthwhile to invest a bit of the control that you have in trying to concentrate on what you can control, and the positives that you can reach and latch onto, as limited as they me be. Focusing on what you can't control may just be somewhat wasteful of the limited controls that you have available to you at this time. try to exert you "freedom of will" to whatever extent it is within your power.
Best.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsJust wondering if your therapy helped. My son is in a very bad place and is not finding it is helping. 🙏🕊
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction