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pamelacelia
@pamelacelia

Posts: 45
Joined: Dec 27, 2016

Depression since my brother-in-law passed away?

Posted by @pamelacelia, Jan 7, 2017

Hi, I am or atleast uses to be very outgoing, I had a busy social life and a few good friends I used to hang out with regularly, my brother in law passed away last year on Easter Sunday, he had been sick for some time, I used to go see him at home everyday, they live close to us. When he died it was quite difficult for the family because we really tried to get him the help he needed to get better and he was a great person, anyway the other night a couple of neighbors came over, one is a nurse with years of experience and the other is a psychotherapist, so they’re asking me if I don’t come out of the house, so I replied only when I have to, so then they start telling me that’s not a good thing and the one who is the psychotherapist starts telling me that since my brother in law passed away she’s noticed that I’m not as interactive as I used to be, I used to spend a lot of time over at their house, they live across the street from me, I would cook and take over food and hang out and stuff, I know I don’t feel like going or anything really, but I’ve never thought about it being depression, she told me depression comes in many forms. I don’t know could I be depressed?

REPLY

@pamelacelia Welcome to Mayo Connect. You are posing a good question and you are very fortunate to have such caring friends looking out for you! The question you ask as to whether you have depressions is a good one. Depression is known to creep up on people who are least expecting it. While I (nor anyone else) can accurately diagnose you, what your friends (and you) have indicated about a change in your behavior could certainly indicate a problem with depression, especially since it followed the loss of a relative who meant a lot to you. I would suggest talking with your primary care doctor or mental health professional. They could more accurately diagnose and treat you if you in fact have depression. Thanks for being so courageous at looking at yourself. Best wishes to you!

@hopeful33250

@pamelacelia Welcome to Mayo Connect. You are posing a good question and you are very fortunate to have such caring friends looking out for you! The question you ask as to whether you have depressions is a good one. Depression is known to creep up on people who are least expecting it. While I (nor anyone else) can accurately diagnose you, what your friends (and you) have indicated about a change in your behavior could certainly indicate a problem with depression, especially since it followed the loss of a relative who meant a lot to you. I would suggest talking with your primary care doctor or mental health professional. They could more accurately diagnose and treat you if you in fact have depression. Thanks for being so courageous at looking at yourself. Best wishes to you!

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Thank you @hopeful33250, I’ll certainly take your advice into consideration, the thing is I never thought about it until they mentioned it.

Hello @pamelacelia,

I also wanted to reach out and let you know that we are glad you’ve turned to the Connect community to find some answers. I would encourage you to look at some discussions in Mental Health as well:

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms
http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p
Depression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it
http://mayocl.in/2i59kQf
Is counseling helpful?
http://mayocl.in/2g37guy

No matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Perhaps you were so occupied with caring for your brother-in-law, that his passing may have left a void in your day-to-day life. Seeking help from those trained to assist you will help you feel better and be more productive, and most importantly, give you the tools necessary to be able to handle those down days in the future.

@kanaazpereira

Hello @pamelacelia,

I also wanted to reach out and let you know that we are glad you’ve turned to the Connect community to find some answers. I would encourage you to look at some discussions in Mental Health as well:

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms
http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p
Depression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it
http://mayocl.in/2i59kQf
Is counseling helpful?
http://mayocl.in/2g37guy

No matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Perhaps you were so occupied with caring for your brother-in-law, that his passing may have left a void in your day-to-day life. Seeking help from those trained to assist you will help you feel better and be more productive, and most importantly, give you the tools necessary to be able to handle those down days in the future.

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Thank you @kanaazpereira, any insight is welcomed.

@kanaazpereira

Hello @pamelacelia,

I also wanted to reach out and let you know that we are glad you’ve turned to the Connect community to find some answers. I would encourage you to look at some discussions in Mental Health as well:

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms
http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p
Depression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it
http://mayocl.in/2i59kQf
Is counseling helpful?
http://mayocl.in/2g37guy

No matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Perhaps you were so occupied with caring for your brother-in-law, that his passing may have left a void in your day-to-day life. Seeking help from those trained to assist you will help you feel better and be more productive, and most importantly, give you the tools necessary to be able to handle those down days in the future.

Jump to this post

I have struggled my whole life with depression. Mine is biological and situational. I also have a sleep disorder where I want to sleep ALL the time!! I know a lot about depression, having a college degree and had a career in related fields. I know the best practices. My question is…… If one is socially isolated (as I am) and have no in-put from others, no one ‘checking on me’, initiating outings, etc. etc…..and no internal self motivation or discipline. … HOW does one get motivated to START?? How do I start… getting out of bed and dressed, go for groceries, make meals, call a friend, exercise, STOP sleeping/going back to bed during the day, eat terrible things, etc……. and NOT CARE that I’m doing this even when I know it’s bad for me. Yes…. I am on meds. Yes ….. I see a counselor as often as I am allowed per insurance– once every 3 wks. But something is not triggering here. Yes… I can talk to my doctors….. but I see them individually– not as a TEAM that all talk together about my conditions. …. And because some are ‘med checks’ I see them very infrequently for short appointment times….. basically to write continued prescriptions. And with most of them I babble about all of this…. like they are a counselor and not a med dr. Or can’t explain myself well enough in few words…… (see how I write… ??) And then I go home and continue this very bad lifestyle pattern. Initiation of activity and social outlets are just too hard… I don’t make myself. And I get soooooo anxious about things, it is just easier and calming to stay home and ‘putter’. I have thought of changing meds….. but who am I to say??? and how do drs. decide WHAT meds to prescribe??? And which dr. do I bring this up to?? I have 5. And then how long does it take to see if they are working? If not… what next?? …… And so it goes….. Thanks for listening…. I know that the purpose of this group is not…. nor can be…. to solve …. and may not be for the very reasons why I write …. venting ….. but venting to others is more effective 🙂 (sorry) …. Also apologizes for piggy backing this post… It should/could have been a new post …. but something that I say TOO often during the day ……… Whatever …..

@dott, I’m so sorry you’re going through such a tough situation, and don’t worry about the piggybacking, I never noticed I had withdrawn until my neighbors mentioned it and since then I make the effort to get out of the house most especially when I don’t feel like doing it, I force myself to, mind you I haven’t been to a Dr or gotten a diagnosis or anything like that, my neighbor who pointed it out to me is a psychotherapist and then to I’m a stay at home mom, so I’m home all day with my kids, but I’m trying to get myself out there, making friends is difficult, everyone is busy, has their own life, but just simply taking a drive to a quiet area can be of help. I hope you find that motivation to start taking care of yourself, please try, if it’s just to make yourself a sandwich and go sit outside in a park and eat, I know being around people can also be frustrating but seeing other people can also be fun. Good luck and feel free to write a post anytime.

Hi dot, just thought i would tell you what helped and still helps me with severe and chronic life long depression. I volunteer for agencies that deal with the very issues i have. I have gotten through the worst times doing this. Sometimes i volunteer for jobs that have nothing to do with my own issues as well…..such as working as an emotional support person in the AIDs community or hospice. When i find it is too hard to leave my home, then i volunteer as a crisis line contact. I have been a telephone contact for suicidal calls and domestic abuse and i just finished working as a rape crisis advocate. These jobs let me stay at home but totally get me out of myself. Most of my friends feel that if i feel in crisis myself, the worst thing for me to do is this kind of work. At one point i felt like i no longer wanted to live so i worked as the overnight contact person for teens considering suicide.
I know this is not for everybody, but for some reason this works for me. I have done this all my life because i suffer from a genetic and chronic mental problem and meds really do not work well. It may not be something that will help you but maybe somebody reading this will find it to be a possibility for them. Blessings.

Welcome @dott.
I like the suggestions that @georgette12 and @pamelacelia made. Here I offer my 2 cents worth of ideas, not as a professional, but as a community member. I think the key is starting with baby steps, and to not beat yourself up if they don’t work. What about starting with something really simple like coming to post on Connect once a day. You can say whatever you want. You can vent or tell us what the weather is doing outside your window. Let’s just start there. What do you think?

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