Depression

That was me as a child. I was rebellious. I needed counseling and medication. I refused it all. (My oldest brother, whom I idolized, killed himself and I was devastated.) My parents just kept trying. Finally, they found a psychologist who was very understanding and very kind. He listened to me. He cared about me. I liked him and looked forward to seeing him. There are always root causes for these things. Is the child living with an alcoholic? I ended up living in a reform school for girls. I was happier getting away from my alcoholic father and grieving parents. Why does this child not feel safe? I was bullied in school from grade school on up. I hated school. Peer pressure is horrible in any form. Is this child more of an individual than having many friends? Social media was not around when I was a child. I can see where social media hurts my grandchildren. And they are only allowed a few hours of it a day. I talked to my 11-year-old granddaughter about it and she said people are very mean on social media. Removing a child from a harmful situation seems to work for some kids. I ended up being a First Responder. The first thing we did was remove a person or persons from the situation and get them where they felt safe.

How old is the child?

I had a very troubled childhood. All the things that we hope our children never go through, I went through. Psychotic episodes, break downs, physical and sexual abuse, drugs and alcohol, droppin out of school and eventually crime.

It wasn’t until much later that that a gifted therapist helped my understand why. I feel other peoples feelings intensely. As a child I didn't understand what this barrage of mostly ugly feelings were. For me it started at home with violent and unpredictable parents. School wasn't much better and then I was sexually abused, by adults who should have known better.

I hope none of this applies to your child. What I can say is that one loving and caring counsoler can change everything. Keep trying until you find the right one. That in and of itself is an act of love.

He’s 16. He’s a good and smart boy. He did very well in elementary school and freshman year, then something went wrong in sophomore year and up to now.

Thank you for your response. I will keep searching for a good therapist and convincing my son to get treatment.

Thank you for your response. There’s no alcoholics in the house. I was thinking to move him to different school, but he doesn’t want to. I was also afraid of with the new school, teachers, and friends will put more stress and anxiety on him.

@ashambean2 First, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I get the confusion you are probably going through.

Puberty is a rough time for all of us, and I recall my own with sadness. So many things going on, with noone to turn to for guidance and help. A dysfunctional environment on all fronts did not help.

Thinking back, were there major changes in your son's environment around the time of his sophomore year? Moving to a new town? New school? Bullying? Change in family structure/neighborhood/neighbors? Illness in someone close to him? Death of grandparents/relative/ friend? Any of these factors could play a part in why he is where he is right now.

How is he dealing with the depression at this time? Overeating? Not eating? Substance abuse? Isolating? Do you feel he understands he may be going through a depressive episode? Have you been able to contact anyone in his school district for help, or his primary care doctor?

https://www.nami.org/Home Perhaps a look at the National Alliance on Mental Illness website can help you. They do have a section for teens and young adults. Please let us know how things go!
Ginger

Adolescence is difficult for everyone. Our culture is not good for adolescence IMO. With my granddaughter, I just talk to her. I ask her questions like what did you do in school today? What did you learn? What are they teaching you? COVID hurt your son's generation like no other generation. I don't know where a parent can begin. I am in physical therapy, and I have all people under the age of 25 helping me get better. I talk to them. Once I establish a relationship where they want to open up to me. I am fortunate--they actually wait for my Thursday appointments so that they can share with me. I listen, listen, listen. They are starving for someone to listen to them. I couldn't open up to my parents. They were grieving parents. But they finally found me someone who listened to me. Someone to trust. Unfortunately, the good ones are hard to find or overbooked. You are in my thoughts. Thoughts are prayers to some people.

Keep encouraging him to open up to work it out. Let him know regardless of how he feels, he is and always be loved and purposeful. Continue to be patient.
Make sure you get support if he won’t.
I hope someday that no child ever has to live through excessive anxiety and depression for long periods.

Being a parent is sooooo hard!

Here are a few ideas (I don't know if they really will help but I hope so!!)

1. Call his pediatrician/doctor and explain what has been happening. Ask them for help/ideas.
2. Take him to an appointment with the pediatrician-- AFTER you have already told the doctor what has been going on. Be sure that your son gets a full physical exam, maybe with blood work, so you can rule out or rule in physical causes. Sadly, some chronic diseases do start when kids are in high school.

3. Contact his current counselor and his counselor last year at school.
The school counselor might be able to help a LOT. He may know what happened last school year. He may be able to recommend a good psychologist or have suggestions on how to get your son to agree to see one.
Depending on the laws of the state in which you live, the school counselor may or may not be able to tell you certain things, unfortunately.
If you want his current teachers to know that you think his new behavior is possibly due to depression, you may have to request that the counselor confidentially inform his teachers. In some states, the counselors are bound by law to NOT tell teachers unless the parents ask explicitly for them to do so.

4. As a former teacher, I suggest the following: Wait until about the 3rd week of the new school year. Then contact your son's favorite teacher/coach/club moderator from last year, before the "bad" stuff started. Ask to have a brief meeting or phone call conference. That teacher/coach might have some helpful insights about what started it, if there was an incident or an on-going problem that started it.

I taught sophomores in high school from 1999 to 2020. It is not uncommon for there to be major changes in their attitudes and behaviors, but it is important to follow through in the way you are doing, specifically, asking for help and guidance. So GOOD for YOU ! You are being a good parent!

Get advice from good sources-- like doctors and counselors-- and then follow it.

Best wishes!!! Keep us posted!!