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Dealing with grief, when do I talk to my Dr. about depression
Hi, I’m 27 dealing with many challenges. I don’t feel like my happy, optimistic self most days. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in 2019, she has recently started chemo therapy, and I know her days are numbered. My grandmother, whom I was very close with passed away 6 months ago. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for seven months with no luck so far. I feel each of these things weighing on me very heavily in my day to day life. I hate the idea of being weak in my mental state, asking for help, or potentially relying on a medication to make me feel more like myself, but I feel like something has got to change soon. Any similar stories or recommendations welcomed
-Meg
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@meganr13 that is a lot. I mean, really really a lot. When you are dealing with so much, a therapist can be really helpful and can help you decide whether to do medication or not. Seeking help is a sign of strength! With your mother's cancer alone, I think you could benefit from counseling support. I wonder if the cancer center offers anything for families. Also, have you been to a fertility center for help or reassurance?
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5 ReactionsHey thanks for commenting. I will look into her cancer center to see if they offer anything, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ve been in close contact with my OB/GYN, she can’t refer me to a fertility clinic until I’ve tried for a full year. But I am meeting with her in a few weeks to hopefully start hormone replacement therapy, as we believe my progesterone is low. I’m happy that we’re taking steps in the right direction for my fertility, but I also know how risky pregnancies with low progesterone can often lead to miscarriage. It’s hard wanting something so bad and it’s just out of my reach
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2 ReactionsHold off on taking an antidepressant if your trying to get pregnant, your going through a lot right now, I would try and find a good councillor someone who’s trained in these things your going through.
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1 ReactionThe stress you’re going through to can probably make it hard to get pregnant. And grief of your grand ma to can cause stress. Maybe wait for a while on trying to get pregnant, only a suggestion, I to am going through grief, it can be very difficult if you don’t have the right support.
@meganr13, I agree that this is a lot to bear. It is sometimes referred to as anticipatory grief. It's a real thing. There are many articles and supports out there for this unique form of grief. Here's just one example of a helpful article:
- Anticipatory Grief: Preparing for a Loved One's End of Life https://www.cancercare.org/publications/385-anticipatory_grief_preparing_for_a_loved_one_s_end_of_life
I agree with @windyshores and @tula17 that seeking the help of a therapist would be a good first step. Finding a therapist who understands can be a chore that is made even more difficult in your current state. I might suggest that you start at the hospital where your mom is receiving care (if you live in the same area of course). You can ask to speak to an oncology social worker or a hosptial chaplain. They are familiar with this type of situation and help guide you to therapist or resources that are specific for you.
Is a palliative care team part of your mom's cancer care team? I ask because the palliative care providers are another great place for help, not only for your mom, but for the whole family.
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