Can’t sleep

Posted by azkidney57 @azkidney57, Sep 1, 2019

It’s 3:42 am and counting this is when I feel the most isolated at this time in the early am when I wake up the find it difficult to go back to sleep. I am thinking about my life before cancer. I was more carefree. Now I worry about the cancer coming back. I am on surveillance. I am carefree no more. My life has changed. I have changed I don’t know who I will become but I am different now more wary and cautious about everything and everyone.

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I hope as I write this that you are sleeping soundly. I'm so glad you decided to write to the community and address us with such raw honesty, very strong. It is easy to pretend that things are ok when they aren't and much braver for you to speak your truth. Cancer is a devastating disease, one which has shaken you to the core. Be mad, be sad, but never give up. This whole community is here to listen and support you, we've all faced diagnosis' which we hated, ones which weren't fair, ones which we didn't deserve, ones which came with side effects that changed our lives forever. I don't know your situation exactly but I know what it's like to face a new reality after a major illness, we are all right here with you. You've made it this far so I know you are tough!

I read a little about Sutent the drug you are on and the side effects can be rough. You need to let your team know ASAP that you are not doing well and that you are feeling changes that don't fit who you are. Who cares if it's a holiday weekend! Call them! Get the care you deserve. I recently read about a sleeping medication that lasts for only a short time called Sonata maybe they can prescribe it for you so you can rest finally. You deserve to feel well. You deserve to live your best life, not your old life but your best life. Please consider calling your team.


@azkidney57 I agree with all that @jolinda has said. I have not had cancer but I did have a life-threatening condition, cirrhosis. I had my bad moments, and like you lying in bed was usually the worst. Most of the time during the day I stayed busy enough to bury those fears.
My niece had triple negative breast cancer and I know how tough that was on her, and still is despite now being “cancer free”. It can be an overwhelming worry for her and for my sister, her mother. They both sought help from a therapist and have found it extremely helpful. If you have not considered that, please do. It doesn’t change anything of course but it helps by giving you coping mechanisms.
Thoughts are with you.
Hugs, JK


@azkidney57 Sleep is an elusive animal when we have a mind that won't stop the treadmill of thinking/worrying/considering, isn't it? Have your tried journaling and writing down your concerns before you sleep, to vacate your mind? Try some soothing or relaxing music that will help you relax. Deep breathing exercises, relaxing your body one part at a time starting with your toes and working upwards. Can you try any of these and see if they help? I have multiple heath issues, too, and sometimes sleep is just not to be!


@azkidney57. My doctor first prescribed meds to help me sleep, which I was afraid would become addictive. So, I improvised, and some of these little tricks work and some do not – at least, not all the time. Put the TV on but without sound and try to figure out what's going on using closed caption; put timer on so TV shuts itself off after you fall asleep!

If my mind continues to play the same worrisome stuff over and over, speaking out loud, I name as quickly as possible a list of related items. For example: name rapidly as possible all the kinds of trees in a forest; or name all the animals in the forest; or all the kinds of fish in a river, ocean, whatever. The trick is to not permit the same old worries, fears, bad memories from occupying your mind! Our minds are designed to only allow one subject at a time, so if you fill that space with thoughts THAT YOU CHOOSE those bad old thoughts will be crowded out.

Every night at bedtime, I take two 325 mg. Tylenol tablets. My doctor approves, but one needs to check with one's own physician.

My last hint: exercise! Every day. As much as you can. Whatever you can do. Sooo important!!

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