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Can’t get an erection whenever I am with my girl friend.
I’ve recently just turned 19, and for my birthday me and my girlfriend decided to have sex. Mind you, this is my first time, I am a virgin. And when we met up, I was instantly turned on, every time I was near her I would get hard. And when it was time to do the deed, I was still really hard. I thought to myself I’ll just cum when she’s giving me a blow job, and that’s what I did. Fast forward like a hour later, we were still making out, and I was pleasuring her orally, that’s when I noticed I wasn’t getting hard. I started panicking, but nothing I or she could do would make it hard. We just gave up. I know everyone has a refractory period so I just shrugged it off. But we decided to try again last Saturday. And I went to her place, subconsciously still thinking I hope I get hard and not embarrass myself in front of her. When we were making out again, I noticed again I wasn’t getting hard. I tried and tried, and I only got hard when I was the one stroking it, but it would instantly go away when I stop or try to put on a condom.
Background on me:
-Overweight
-Smokes
-Rarely drinks
-Frequently masturbates before I had a girlfriend
-I’ve had an ex before, and I don’t recall having a problem like this, though I recall taking longer to cum when I was with her.
-Easily stressed and overwhelmed
Could anyone please enlighten me on what to do next? I’ve done my research on performance anxiety, and also on other physical causes. I just hope I am stuck in my head. Any help will be greatly appreciated, thank you so much.
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First steps: quit smoking, start eating healthy, go to the gym at least 3x/week. You'll be surprised how quickly your life will improve.
If you are getting a decent erection in low anxiety situations, it’s the anxiety getting in the way. If you are making out and focused on the erection or lack of, you are focused on the wrong thing. Get back to just enjoying your GF. Take intercourse off the schedule for now and get back to enjoying being with her giving/getting some physical pleasure. When you are solo, practice getting hard, letting it go soft, and getting hard again. That should help with your confidence that if you go soft, you can get hard again. Once you are comfortable with that, practice with your GF. Find a therapist in your area that works with men’s sexual health. Remember that sex should be about play and not performance.
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3 Reactions@guyrm Thank you so much for your insight!
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1 ReactionMy boyfriend had a similar problem when we started. He wasn’t a virgin but he had been maturbating (no girlfriend) for 4 years and the doctor said it was from masturbating too much, too long. So he quit and after a while it became easier to get & maintain an erection. You might also try getting yourself hard and put on a cock ring to maintain. Good luck.
@jjjw do you have an estimate how long he stopped masturbating for? And also if he did any other stuff to prevent this from happening? Thank you!
@johnklinger Scientific sources indicate that there's little, if any, connection between masturbation and erectile issues.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/will-masturbating-a-lot-affect-how-long-an-erection-lasts
https://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/masturbation-erectile-dysfunction
@johnklinger I think it was several weeks.