Break thru May--Mental Health Awareness Every Day

Thanks for allowing me to purge, to take a toxic dump.
Forewarned is forearmed. My rant is directed at the marketers and merchandisers of rhetoric...superficial & commercial...selling us sound bites and spins.

I don't care for monthly designations. If you're concerned, aware, or proud of something, promote it throughout the year.

May--the designated Month of Mental Health...anti-suicide campaign season. I'm relieved it is over.

If I say to you, "Whatever you do, don't think about bananas. No circumstances allow yourself to think about bananas...are you thinking about bananas?"

The power of suggestion is infinitely powerful because it is so covert.

So, for 31 days, we get blitzed with suicide, anti-suicide, made for TV dramas, commercials--mostly presented for ratings. The sincerity, caution, and accurate research of successfully combating suicidal ideations is not celebrated...
Parents of celebrity suicide victims are trotted out on display. The cloak over an entertainers death, " She died from a mental illness."

Individuals with disorders of the brain that effect mood, motivation, concentration, decision-making, anxiety, affect, talking, interacting.....
100s of combinations of defects and differences in genes, chemistry, family dynamics, abuse...

Allow us to emerge free of stereotypes and secrets.
The brain is an organ that does marvelous things. Just like a computer, every once in a while there's a glitch in programming.

Eliminate the canned presentations. Focus on the possibilities and positivity of treatments, meds, talk therapy, groups, tenacity, and the drive to survive.
Do a better job of recognizing the soft signs AND the often dismissed obvious behaviors associated with suicidal ideations...little hints, change in mood & behavior, withdrawal, unloading belongings, sending good bye messages, casually asking about weapons, searching for methods, no longer wanting a pet.

I can only speak from MY experience. As I become depressed--despair, dread, failure, hopelessness, lack of self-worth, no purpose, "ALWAYS" & "NEVER" ... I forget about others...I'm obsessed and I do realize
Triggers...as all the negative thoughts spew into my brain, my thinking becomes warped. My decision making abilities are impaired. I'm not thinking with a sound mind. Over the years, I have tapped into strategies I've learned. But, when I'm truly in danger...
Fortunately, I have a supportive family and friends.
Sharing with others is therapeutic. Helping others is therapeutic...in a warm fuzzy way...not clinical.

I don't keep my diagnoses secret. My cousin can't believe, "the stuff you share."

Secrets are malignant.

I call my MD or therapist for a squeezed in appointment. I forward my Unsuicide Note--my contract between me and God promising I won't kill myself, monthly to myself.

In spite of all these tools I use...
My friend's daughter-in-law killed herself the first week in May. It was purposeful. No expectation of rescue. I am grieving for her, and in a strange & perhaps selfish way, grieving for me...

I hate to fail. Ironically, I Thank God I failed 3 times. However...

"GOD only gives you a burden you can handle." My burden is my depression and everything that goes with it. Few friends. Alienation. Withdrawal. Lack of interest. And my favorite...a lowered degree of lassitude. I carry this burden. Why does God hand out double dips? Isn't it enough for me to carry the burden? Why my husband, children. Grandchildren, and even my dogs?

I know my depression is not a "punishment from God." I know, when I am weak, "the devil doesn't cause my depression"....these are examples of "comforting" words directed at me. Those with no clue.
...and I'm the one who has problems...smh

I'm 67. I have been aware of emotional differences and suicidal thoughts since I was 12. I won't see it in my lifetime. Perhaps in my daughter's lifetime, mental health stigmas and stereotypes will shatter. Awareness will break thru the month of May
☮️