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~ Tracking Bipolar II swings ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Oct 2, 2016

Hi all .... well, I finally decided to make up a chart for myself to see how often and rapidly my mood swings happen. I've made it up and I'll start tomorrow. I've got room for morning, noon, and night because they can all be different .... it's crazy-making! My "up" time, for me, is very high anxiety rather than a manic state. Once the Klonopin kicks in, it settles it. My "up" also can be what other people's "normal" would be. The few times I have felt I was a bit manic was usually medication induced, and that's when I went shopping on-line ..... thus the CC bills I am now paying off. I hope this makes sense to you all. The depression is a whole other story ...... that digs in deeply. That's when I want to avoid anything and anyone, don't answer the door, phone, or even get out of the chair. So, we'll see what the chart shows, although I think I know already. It's pretty much the same pattern every day. I have done a good bit of writing, I call them "musings" ever since I started this journey 15 - 20 years ago, and I found myself needing to write one today. They're nothing profound, just thoughts coming from my inner soul. I enjoy it, and please don't think I'm sounding snobby here, but when I look back and read them, I'm rather amazed at the way I've expressed myself. You just never know what little treasures may be dug up while we all walk through these "troubled waters."
abby

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Profile picture for Kim
Kim | @kimsworld | Oct 3, 2016

Good Morning, @amberpep... 🙂 My name is Kim. I've been a member of Mayo Connect, I think almost 3 months. Sometimes I'm just a "reader", taking in information, experiences, and feelings of others, from the many forums here. Then, like now, I find my fingers just hit that keyboard and I send off a reply.
You may already believe this, in yourself, as you walk a difficult path... but know YOU are a survivor. A survivor of everything you've experienced.
I personally know, the toughest days seem to last an eternity, and the good days sometimes feel like they are gone, if you dare to blink.
Your charting idea is wonderful! You may very well know what the outcome will be... but don't give up hope that you may find "triggers", or "patterns" you haven't really noticed, over the years. It's such a wonderful idea, I truly hope your charting unveils something you may not yet have noticed @amberpep.
I don't have a diagnosis of Bipolar. I do have high anxiety, panic attacks, depression, OCD, and chronic pain. I could add to this list but I may need the entire forum page... I'm sure, that one day; my entire medical list will have found itself, among the many forum pages in Connect.
I am currently on Klonopin, as well. I was diagnosed with depression, many years ago, and have been to war with it, more times than I can count.
However, I was never put on any medications, or treatment for the anxiety, panic attacks, OCD I had/ and continue to be overcome by.
** (How did I start taking Klonopin... what I'm about to share, is a bit off topic, but STILL makes me laugh, after 5 years. I had somehow gotten a very bad and painful infection, in my toenail. I tried to treat it on my own but I finally had given in and made an appt to have it checked by my PCP. When I went to this appt, I was told I would be seeing a "new" Dr. as mine had "left". So, this new Dr., who was an interim Dr, was lucky enough to treat my toenail issue. When she asked what I had been doing to treat it, I ran through my list of home remedies... soaking it, using antibiotic ointment... etc. And she asked, “What have you been soaking it in?" as she continued to poke at it... I looked down at her and said, "Milk". lol 🙂 She looked so animated as she slowly moved her head, to look up at me. The look on her face was priceless! "Milk?" she asked with a grin on her lips. "Yes, milk.” She remained professional but did share a laugh with me when I told her nothing else had made the pain stop, so I could get relief, until… I tried milk. (It was just SO cold and felt SO great at the time. lol) ~Milk may do a body good, for many... but I affirm, it won’t cure an infected toenail. 🙂 ~
Because of my milk soaked toenail, I crossed paths with this new Doctor.
As an interim, Dr. she was wonderful! She did a complete exam on me, and noted that I had a diagnosis of Depression. She told me she saw many OCD, and "has high anxiety”, notes in my med chart. But no treatment plan for it. Which was true. And, it was a paralyzing demon to deal with daily. She spoke with me, in depth, and stated she also saw these characteristics, in my behavior as we spoke. She wanted to add/try me on a new med, to take with my anti-depressant. She started me on .5mg of Klonopin, to be taken 3x's a day. I now take, 1mg, 2x's a day. We followed up many times, until she too, left the clinic. )**
Klonopin is by NO means, a miracle cure or the best med for many people... but what a difference it started to make, for me, as a "helper" when dealing with my anxiety/panic attacks. I'm stubborn as can be, and have never liked medication. (I was also seeing a therapist, and she noted many positive changes in my "coping strategies" after I started on Klonopin.)
I apologize for going off topic... @amberpep what caught my interest in your post, which was so easy to read, it just flowed, was your "writing"... "musings" as you referred to them. I love the "musing" term you refer to your writing as! 🙂 I LOVE to write! It's been my catharsis, my escape, “the unloading of my head" and sometimes the only place I truly feel safe enough, to unleash my truly emotional thoughts & feelings.
Your musing’s come from your inner soul, Abby... so to me, they ARE profound! Only YOU know what your inner soul feels, experiences, loves/dislikes... etc. YOU do not sound snobby at all! I quote you; "...when I look back and read them,I'm rather amazed at the way I've expressed myself. You just never know what little treasures may be dug up while we all walk through these "troubled waters."

REPLY
2 replies
Profile picture for Kim
Kim | @kimsworld | Oct 3, 2016
In reply to @kimsworld "Good Morning, @amberpep... :) My name is Kim. I've been a member of Mayo Connect, I..." + (show)
Profile picture for Kim @kimsworld

Good Morning, @amberpep... 🙂 My name is Kim. I've been a member of Mayo Connect, I think almost 3 months. Sometimes I'm just a "reader", taking in information, experiences, and feelings of others, from the many forums here. Then, like now, I find my fingers just hit that keyboard and I send off a reply.
You may already believe this, in yourself, as you walk a difficult path... but know YOU are a survivor. A survivor of everything you've experienced.
I personally know, the toughest days seem to last an eternity, and the good days sometimes feel like they are gone, if you dare to blink.
Your charting idea is wonderful! You may very well know what the outcome will be... but don't give up hope that you may find "triggers", or "patterns" you haven't really noticed, over the years. It's such a wonderful idea, I truly hope your charting unveils something you may not yet have noticed @amberpep.
I don't have a diagnosis of Bipolar. I do have high anxiety, panic attacks, depression, OCD, and chronic pain. I could add to this list but I may need the entire forum page... I'm sure, that one day; my entire medical list will have found itself, among the many forum pages in Connect.
I am currently on Klonopin, as well. I was diagnosed with depression, many years ago, and have been to war with it, more times than I can count.
However, I was never put on any medications, or treatment for the anxiety, panic attacks, OCD I had/ and continue to be overcome by.
** (How did I start taking Klonopin... what I'm about to share, is a bit off topic, but STILL makes me laugh, after 5 years. I had somehow gotten a very bad and painful infection, in my toenail. I tried to treat it on my own but I finally had given in and made an appt to have it checked by my PCP. When I went to this appt, I was told I would be seeing a "new" Dr. as mine had "left". So, this new Dr., who was an interim Dr, was lucky enough to treat my toenail issue. When she asked what I had been doing to treat it, I ran through my list of home remedies... soaking it, using antibiotic ointment... etc. And she asked, “What have you been soaking it in?" as she continued to poke at it... I looked down at her and said, "Milk". lol 🙂 She looked so animated as she slowly moved her head, to look up at me. The look on her face was priceless! "Milk?" she asked with a grin on her lips. "Yes, milk.” She remained professional but did share a laugh with me when I told her nothing else had made the pain stop, so I could get relief, until… I tried milk. (It was just SO cold and felt SO great at the time. lol) ~Milk may do a body good, for many... but I affirm, it won’t cure an infected toenail. 🙂 ~
Because of my milk soaked toenail, I crossed paths with this new Doctor.
As an interim, Dr. she was wonderful! She did a complete exam on me, and noted that I had a diagnosis of Depression. She told me she saw many OCD, and "has high anxiety”, notes in my med chart. But no treatment plan for it. Which was true. And, it was a paralyzing demon to deal with daily. She spoke with me, in depth, and stated she also saw these characteristics, in my behavior as we spoke. She wanted to add/try me on a new med, to take with my anti-depressant. She started me on .5mg of Klonopin, to be taken 3x's a day. I now take, 1mg, 2x's a day. We followed up many times, until she too, left the clinic. )**
Klonopin is by NO means, a miracle cure or the best med for many people... but what a difference it started to make, for me, as a "helper" when dealing with my anxiety/panic attacks. I'm stubborn as can be, and have never liked medication. (I was also seeing a therapist, and she noted many positive changes in my "coping strategies" after I started on Klonopin.)
I apologize for going off topic... @amberpep what caught my interest in your post, which was so easy to read, it just flowed, was your "writing"... "musings" as you referred to them. I love the "musing" term you refer to your writing as! 🙂 I LOVE to write! It's been my catharsis, my escape, “the unloading of my head" and sometimes the only place I truly feel safe enough, to unleash my truly emotional thoughts & feelings.
Your musing’s come from your inner soul, Abby... so to me, they ARE profound! Only YOU know what your inner soul feels, experiences, loves/dislikes... etc. YOU do not sound snobby at all! I quote you; "...when I look back and read them,I'm rather amazed at the way I've expressed myself. You just never know what little treasures may be dug up while we all walk through these "troubled waters."

Jump to this post

I have SO many completed journals, from over the years, and I do look through them at times. You are SO right, going back, re-reading my entries, and how I felt then, vs. now... is often times, all it takes to help restore some calmness and "Oh, see I lived through this feeling before" affirmations. "Treasures". Our validation that WE are, Survivor's! Writing doesn't always have to make sense; it requires no grammar, or correct spelling. It just has to allow the writer to shed the burden, and weight of what is troubling them, making them happy, etc. Because it is profound, and so often a healing of the soul!
I wrote a book, not a reply... 🙂 It happens to me a lot. Abby, I wish you; the VERY best... keep on "musing". 🙂 Best wishes always, ~ Kim

REPLY
Profile picture for Kim
Kim | @kimsworld | Oct 3, 2016

^.I apologize for the extra post, with no post.. lol I seem to be experiencing.. "technical difficulties".. * sigh * 🙂

REPLY
1 reply
Profile picture for Barb
Barb | @amberpep | Oct 3, 2016
In reply to @kimsworld "Good Morning, @amberpep... :) My name is Kim. I've been a member of Mayo Connect, I..." + (show)
Profile picture for Kim @kimsworld

Good Morning, @amberpep... 🙂 My name is Kim. I've been a member of Mayo Connect, I think almost 3 months. Sometimes I'm just a "reader", taking in information, experiences, and feelings of others, from the many forums here. Then, like now, I find my fingers just hit that keyboard and I send off a reply.
You may already believe this, in yourself, as you walk a difficult path... but know YOU are a survivor. A survivor of everything you've experienced.
I personally know, the toughest days seem to last an eternity, and the good days sometimes feel like they are gone, if you dare to blink.
Your charting idea is wonderful! You may very well know what the outcome will be... but don't give up hope that you may find "triggers", or "patterns" you haven't really noticed, over the years. It's such a wonderful idea, I truly hope your charting unveils something you may not yet have noticed @amberpep.
I don't have a diagnosis of Bipolar. I do have high anxiety, panic attacks, depression, OCD, and chronic pain. I could add to this list but I may need the entire forum page... I'm sure, that one day; my entire medical list will have found itself, among the many forum pages in Connect.
I am currently on Klonopin, as well. I was diagnosed with depression, many years ago, and have been to war with it, more times than I can count.
However, I was never put on any medications, or treatment for the anxiety, panic attacks, OCD I had/ and continue to be overcome by.
** (How did I start taking Klonopin... what I'm about to share, is a bit off topic, but STILL makes me laugh, after 5 years. I had somehow gotten a very bad and painful infection, in my toenail. I tried to treat it on my own but I finally had given in and made an appt to have it checked by my PCP. When I went to this appt, I was told I would be seeing a "new" Dr. as mine had "left". So, this new Dr., who was an interim Dr, was lucky enough to treat my toenail issue. When she asked what I had been doing to treat it, I ran through my list of home remedies... soaking it, using antibiotic ointment... etc. And she asked, “What have you been soaking it in?" as she continued to poke at it... I looked down at her and said, "Milk". lol 🙂 She looked so animated as she slowly moved her head, to look up at me. The look on her face was priceless! "Milk?" she asked with a grin on her lips. "Yes, milk.” She remained professional but did share a laugh with me when I told her nothing else had made the pain stop, so I could get relief, until… I tried milk. (It was just SO cold and felt SO great at the time. lol) ~Milk may do a body good, for many... but I affirm, it won’t cure an infected toenail. 🙂 ~
Because of my milk soaked toenail, I crossed paths with this new Doctor.
As an interim, Dr. she was wonderful! She did a complete exam on me, and noted that I had a diagnosis of Depression. She told me she saw many OCD, and "has high anxiety”, notes in my med chart. But no treatment plan for it. Which was true. And, it was a paralyzing demon to deal with daily. She spoke with me, in depth, and stated she also saw these characteristics, in my behavior as we spoke. She wanted to add/try me on a new med, to take with my anti-depressant. She started me on .5mg of Klonopin, to be taken 3x's a day. I now take, 1mg, 2x's a day. We followed up many times, until she too, left the clinic. )**
Klonopin is by NO means, a miracle cure or the best med for many people... but what a difference it started to make, for me, as a "helper" when dealing with my anxiety/panic attacks. I'm stubborn as can be, and have never liked medication. (I was also seeing a therapist, and she noted many positive changes in my "coping strategies" after I started on Klonopin.)
I apologize for going off topic... @amberpep what caught my interest in your post, which was so easy to read, it just flowed, was your "writing"... "musings" as you referred to them. I love the "musing" term you refer to your writing as! 🙂 I LOVE to write! It's been my catharsis, my escape, “the unloading of my head" and sometimes the only place I truly feel safe enough, to unleash my truly emotional thoughts & feelings.
Your musing’s come from your inner soul, Abby... so to me, they ARE profound! Only YOU know what your inner soul feels, experiences, loves/dislikes... etc. YOU do not sound snobby at all! I quote you; "...when I look back and read them,I'm rather amazed at the way I've expressed myself. You just never know what little treasures may be dug up while we all walk through these "troubled waters."

Jump to this post

Thank you Kim for your dear reply. It truly meant a lot to me, and I may print it out on those day when I feel "worthless." Yes, you just never know what nuggets maybe buried within us as we walk those thorny and painful paths.
Take care my friend .... Abby

REPLY
Profile picture for Barb
Barb | @amberpep | Oct 3, 2016
In reply to @kimsworld "^.I apologize for the extra post, with no post.. lol I seem to be experiencing.. "technical..." + (show)
Profile picture for Kim @kimsworld

^.I apologize for the extra post, with no post.. lol I seem to be experiencing.. "technical difficulties".. * sigh * 🙂

Jump to this post

Just like Cable TV. 🙂
Abby

REPLY
Profile picture for Barb
Barb | @amberpep | Dec 13, 2016

Hi all ... I have not been around too much, Christmas is not my best time of year. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II which I understand is a milder form of Bipolar I. I never feel manic ..... normal or feeling OK is the best it gets. I am generally always somewhere on the depression scale. Is that Bipolar depression? Are they the same thing? Bipolar II and Bipolar depression?Thanking you in advance for your answers.abby

REPLY
7 replies
Profile picture for safetyshield
safetyshield | @safetyshield | Dec 15, 2016
In reply to @amberpep "Hi all ... I have not been around too much, Christmas is not my best time..." + (show)
Profile picture for Barb @amberpep

Hi all ... I have not been around too much, Christmas is not my best time of year. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II which I understand is a milder form of Bipolar I. I never feel manic ..... normal or feeling OK is the best it gets. I am generally always somewhere on the depression scale. Is that Bipolar depression? Are they the same thing? Bipolar II and Bipolar depression?Thanking you in advance for your answers.abby

Jump to this post

amberpep there are many types of depression and stages, as you said bipolar 1, 2 and bipolar depression the diagnosis is based on the severity of the symtoms and the symtoms themselves.

REPLY
Profile picture for Crystal
Crystal | @sincere | Dec 27, 2016

Hi everyone, well I'm new to this site & Bipolar altogether. I've worked around a mixture of consumers with mental illness & although I believe I've always had little symptoms of bipolar I just ignored them. Well long story short, in the last few months my systems have become very profound. I've become more depressed then usual, very very irritated with work, life, just everything. I stay up for hours @ night, sometimes not even sleeping because I'm planning or goal setting witch is not normal for me. My eye twitches all the time, & over the past couple of years I've distanced myself from family & friends & no longer have the pleasure of doing things I loved to do like gym 2-3xs a week & doing fun things with my children/family. I've recently made me a Doc appointment with a highly recommended psychiatrist, but with me being a new patient my appointment isn't until March 13th. my biggest fear is not knowing how I will respond to medication if I am indeed Bipolar & my second fear is weight gain because im already struggling with my weight already. Any advice anyone?

REPLY
3 replies
Profile picture for Crystal
Crystal | @sincere | Dec 27, 2016
In reply to @amberpep "Hi all ... I have not been around too much, Christmas is not my best time..." + (show)
Profile picture for Barb @amberpep

Hi all ... I have not been around too much, Christmas is not my best time of year. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II which I understand is a milder form of Bipolar I. I never feel manic ..... normal or feeling OK is the best it gets. I am generally always somewhere on the depression scale. Is that Bipolar depression? Are they the same thing? Bipolar II and Bipolar depression?Thanking you in advance for your answers.abby

Jump to this post

Hi All, well I'm new to this site & Bipolar altogether. I've worked around a mixture of consumers with mental illness & although I believe I've always had little symptoms of bipolar I just ignored them. Well long story short, in the last few months my systems have become very profound. I've become more depressed then usual, very very irritated with work, life, just everything. I stay up for hours @ night, sometimes not even sleeping because I'm planning or goal setting witch is not normal for me. My eye twitches all the time, & over the past couple of years I've distanced myself from family & friends & no longer have the pleasure of doing things I loved to do like gym 2-3xs a week & doing fun things with my children/family. I've recently made me a Doc appointment with a highly recommended psychiatrist, but with me being a new patient my appointment isn't until March 13th. my biggest fear is not knowing how I will respond to medication if I am indeed Bipolar & my second fear is weight gain because im already struggling with my weight already. Any advice anyone?

REPLY
4 replies
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