Afraid of upcoming Bilateral Mastectomy and Reconstruction

Look up 'flat denial' - I also had double mastectomy to avoid having to have chemo/radiation afterward. I didnt want breast implants - the print material they give you shows that they have something like a 60% failure rate, I legit don't know why doctors recommend them. I wanted something more natural with my own tissue but was told those procedures don't exist... (Didnt find a second opion until it was too late!). I let them talk me into immediate reconstruction and my body never healed over them. They needed to be removed, and now I can never have the more natural, smoother outcome that I'd wanted anyway because of all the scar tissue around where the implants were put in. That's hard, uncomfortable, asymmetrical... I regret trying implants at all and feel very strongly that it was the ignorance of my provider team that guided me poorly. I don't think there's many 'good' post-mastectomy outcomes, besides not having breast tissue for cancer to feed, that is! If you look up 'flat denial', you can find some links that help you ask these questions to your medical team that could produce a third option for you - things like "Tissue rearrangement... fat transfer, mindfulness toward scarring, nipple-sparring, preventing concavity'... see what they say about those things, maybe they will be less ignorant than mine were!

First, jodyvick so very sorry you went through this ordeal.
An update for me: My plastic surgeon on my oncology team gave me my personal potential outcomes if I wanted implants and it was direct, right to the point, and no sugar coating.
He looked at the whole picture for me.
At first, I thought I would be psychologically unable to handle a flat chest, the removal of my breasts. But I did have enough time to think about my decision. He understood my ambivalence, gave me the whole picture honestly, and left it up to me for the final decision on the morning of my BM. He told me he would "set up" in the OR "in case" I made the decision to have the implants. There were lots of negatives for me, possible and likely complications down the road if I went with implants for several reasons. Not to mention "they" were going to be much smaller than my usual C cup (an A cup...maybe) simply b/c of what he had to deal with, done at the same time as the BM. I was not a candidate for graphing tissues from my body. My husband supported me with any decision I made. I talked, in detail, with a trusted friend, reviewing my entire picture and probable out comes with my "body". On the morning of my BM my plastic surgeon came into my holding area pre-op and asked me for my decision. I said "no, I decided I don't want them, there is a strong possibility of too many complication". He said, "I agree with you, you made the right decision".
I was at peace with my decision. And post-op I was psychologically fine with my "flat chest". I was not horrified at all looking at my chest for the first time. Ultimately I fully accepted what had "happened" to me. Denial no more. And not for one minute do I have any regrets. A very hard lesson you learned...never be "talked into" any medical procedures especially when you "don't have to" have such a procedure, there are always other options. But I clearly put the onus on your plastic surgeon where this awful outcome belongs. Shame on him.
I hope down the road , you will improve and feel better. Perhaps seeing another plastic surgeon to see IF there is anything that came be done to make improvements. But once again, hopefully, a new plastic surgeon will give you his/her honest assessment of your particular situation. And, please, do NOT do a "shoulda, woulda, coulda" number on yourself. That's wasted emotional energy and, besides, you were NOT given the entire picture of "implants". I had an edge, being a retired RN. My former profession enable me to have more information than an average "lay" person. I wish you had a great Nurse advocate for you during your entire process - who would have helped you greatly and honestly, some cancer centers do have such staffing.
I wish you nothing but the best moving forward. Be well my sister survivor! You are never alone!

There are positive outcomes. I had a double mastectomy, skin and nipple saving with immediate reconstruction…, and I am so glad I did. I got implants. I was small before and now larger… A to B. Have some wrinkles on one of them but I wanted to feel as normal as possible. I avoided radiation by doing the mastectomy vs a lumpectomy. For me it was the right answer and I couldn’t be more pleased with the outcome.

@briarrose
I’m glad you decided to go flat and ok with it. Like you I went flat without a moment of regret. At my age (64) I just want to be comfortable and able to detect any suspicious lump early.

@jodyvick
If you are interested in coming to Dallas, TX you may want to get in touch with an extraordinary plastic surgeon.
Dr. Gregg Anigian.
Perhaps call, discuss and send pics for consultation.
He did a phenomenal job on my friend for her breasts and he was terrific when my husband needed plastic surgery for his Ehlers Danlos. He did an extraordinary job on him, too.
Heres the bad news: he does not file insurance. You will need to do that and I believe pay a portion up front.
A phone call will cost you nothing but time.

He IS a caring dr and discusses what he can do for You.
He called me on the phone right after he did my husbands face to tell me how it went, how he was doing etc.
Best investment we made for my husband and my friend made for her breast reconstruction.

You may have a top plastic surgeon in your area, too.
Best and Blessings!