Being young with chronic pain

@alm1234 Dear Friend, I hear you and I affirm your struggles. You are n.o.t. alone in this! I've been thru H3LL 'n back in my short lifetime - physically, mentally and emotionally - and it's made me who I am today. When I came to terms with my "new normal" it was so freeing and I had to make constant daily choices how to make my life better. Even if it only meant going outside for 5 mins and looking up at the sky, or going for a scenic drive, talking to a sweet friend for 10 mins, listening to favorite music, or whatever else....fill in the blank. When I gave up the idea of having "lost" something and looked at it from a new perspective - what do I currently have now (what have I been given) that I can adapt to and use to help others? Look outward rather than inward. Despair is stripped of its power when we replace it with contentment and joy. I'm not saying it'll be easy - no - you'll have to fight for it, but it'll be worth it. I endured horrible traumas that put a stamp on my life where I felt tainted, but it took years of me working through it and finding tools to deal with it and people to support me through it. I've also got physical challenges that could technically qualify me as disabled (and will someday), but I don't let them stop me from enjoying life. I find ways to get through each moment and honor those moments when it's just too much. That's ok - it doesn't mean you're accepting defeat - sometimes sitting still is the best medicine. It will actually benefit you more than you'll know. Find ways to speak against the things that are bringing you down and consciously choose to get up and move forward, and just enjoy each day you have, no matter how hard or challenging it might be. I'm not saying be in denial about it, please hear me - no - but, tell yourself that you are OK with this new normal and leave the unknowns where they are - in the valley of the unknown. Let them be. Get creative with things and find joy in the little things. And, like you're already doing, keep the communication open. That will bring healing. As Dr. John Delony says, "Grief demands a witness." So, keep telling your story and be proud of it, no matter how dark it might be. Consider this life a privilege and a gift, and look for ways to help others in positive ways. Outer service will inevitably bring inner transformation. 🙂 And, don't forget to celebrate every victory you have - big or small. No one needs to know besides you. Personally, I applaud you for having the courage to open up and share. Not only does it help others, but it shows that there's a deep fight inside you that's not willing to give up. Keep searching for a better quality of life - you will find it. And, when days seem dark, turn your flashlight on and you'll see the flower in the room. It's there. Hoping for better days ahead for you, and that you'll continue to have courage to face each day as it comes. You are an inspiration to many, and I am proud to be a humble recipient of your bravery! 🙂 You're doing great, friend. All hope is not lost. Hang in there! 🌺

@alm1234
There's so much in @rivermaya34's reply that is good wisdom. I became ill in my late 20's. It always helped me to see a therapist because of the depth of grief. It sounds like you have issues to heal from growing up and anyone can use help sorting big life changes. You write "I'll never live the life I wanted to" and now that I'm past my 20's I'll tell you that the life I'm finding is much more than the life I thought I wanted. You deserve a wonderful life even with chronic illness.

I always say that my chronic illness informs my life but does not define it.

My wish for you is that you explore creativity. As rivermaya34 says, finding what brings you joy brings the kind of healing that helps you to cope.

@jw9 🥰💖 YES! You have great insight, too! Creativity is a great natural drug for the soul 🎨 I LOVE what you said - "my chronic illness INFORMS my life but DOES NOT DEFINE it." I stand by that as well. Easier said then done some days, but the truth nonetheless.

I hope you don't give up on therapy. If you have found the right therapist she/he will be a safe place to express all the feelings and even when there isn't a "fix" there is something incredibly healing saying it all in a safe place...not being judged, not being offered suggestions....in just being heard. That is why you shared your pain here. I hear you.

I’m truly sorry you’re carrying this heavy load of pain, grief, and hopelessness at such a young age—it sounds exhausting and heartbreaking. grief isn’t a sign of weakness but a signal that your mind and body are processing immense change.

Therapy can still hold purpose even when the future feels bleak, by shifting focus from “fixing” everything to building meaning within your reality—approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) help identify what matters most to you now. Small steps toward connection and self-kindness can help pierce the hopelessness over time.

Young people with chronic disabilities can and do lead deeply meaningful lives, often by redefining what that looks like on their own terms. Remember that life fulfillment isn’t reserved for the able-bodied. Look to leaders like Maysoon Zayid, who has cerebral palsy and built a global platform as a comedian and speaker.

I can attest that attitude is everything. At 17 I became a quadriplegic. Over time it became incomplete quadriplegia, affecting my upper limbs more than my legs and I learned to walk again. I finished college, then medical school with weakness and chronic pain, often seeing patients while wearing a tens machine under my scrubs. I got married, had 2 amazing children, practiced my field, which I loved, for many years.

You can still achieve your best life, on your terms.

I am so sorry! I don't know if you believe in God, but I can tell you that HE is the one who gets me through every day of chronic pain since I was 36, and migraines, raising my children and working through it all. I know it came from childhood issues but don't want to go there. Please find some belief system, something to hold onto. with love I say I will pray for you.