@alm1234
There's so much in @rivermaya34's reply that is good wisdom. I became ill in my late 20's. It always helped me to see a therapist because of the depth of grief. It sounds like you have issues to heal from growing up and anyone can use help sorting big life changes. You write "I'll never live the life I wanted to" and now that I'm past my 20's I'll tell you that the life I'm finding is much more than the life I thought I wanted. You deserve a wonderful life even with chronic illness.

I always say that my chronic illness informs my life but does not define it.

My wish for you is that you explore creativity. As rivermaya34 says, finding what brings you joy brings the kind of healing that helps you to cope.