Avoid the ‘slippery slope’ and instead age well, even improve and grow

@frannee Working together works for us, in roughly 4 hour segments. Then we finish the day with something enjoyable- meal out, concert, movie, visit with friends.

When my resident accumulator resisted, I simply chose an overloaded set of storage shelves and took everything off, laying everything out on a table and the adjacent floor. With the "evidence" in front of us, we could see old things of no current/future use - into the garbage or recycling. Examples -boxes, bags, old paint, cords from long ago electronics, old monitors, batteries, triplicates of things like painting trays...
The remainder was sorted logically into clear, covered, and labeled boxes - no random torn up cardboard boxes or messy piles.
Then into the garage same tactic - 15 different kinds of parts sorters, many with empty drawers or duplicate screws, nails, nuts, small electronics... Consolidated to 6, the remainder donated or tossed, depending on condition. Old automotive chemicals, tools, filters (for long-gone cars and tools) were ditched, the rest placed on a single accessible shelf. The same with tubs and boxes of electrical, plumbing, - 3 more shelves emptied. Scrap metal sold or recycled...
The collections are still there, but we agreed on a "one in two out" rule. They must reside within an agreed upon space. The same applies to my many art, sewing and hobby things - if they don't have a home in their room, in totes or shelves, something must go.

Joint belongings - New luggage? The old must go. Ditto with glassware, kitchen wares and pans, etc.

It helps that we have a very worthy cause where we can donate much of our excess once a year. We have a dedicated space where all items going out are stored (way out of sight.) With months while it is still on hand, if it isn't needed there is far less angst in letting go.

This is not a once-and-done deal, as we age, the stuff we need, want and appreciate change.

As for knick-knacks, when I had a bad shoulder followed by surgery, he had to dust everything - lots of stuff no longer "needs" to be on display.🙃

@frannee Working together works for us, in roughly 4 hour segments. Then we finish the day with something enjoyable- meal out, concert, movie, visit with friends.

When my resident accumulator resisted, I simply chose an overloaded set of storage shelves and took everything off, laying everything out on a table and the adjacent floor. With the "evidence" in front of us, we could see old things of no current/future use - into the garbage or recycling. Examples -boxes, bags, old paint, cords from long ago electronics, old monitors, batteries, triplicates of things like painting trays...
The remainder was sorted logically into clear, covered, and labeled boxes - no random torn up cardboard boxes or messy piles.
Then into the garage same tactic - 15 different kinds of parts sorters, many with empty drawers or duplicate screws, nails, nuts, small electronics... Consolidated to 6, the remainder donated or tossed, depending on condition. Old automotive chemicals, tools, filters (for long-gone cars and tools) were ditched, the rest placed on a single accessible shelf. The same with tubs and boxes of electrical, plumbing, - 3 more shelves emptied. Scrap metal sold or recycled...
The collections are still there, but we agreed on a "one in two out" rule. They must reside within an agreed upon space. The same applies to my many art, sewing and hobby things - if they don't have a home in their room, in totes or shelves, something must go.

Joint belongings - New luggage? The old must go. Ditto with glassware, kitchen wares and pans, etc.

It helps that we have a very worthy cause where we can donate much of our excess once a year. We have a dedicated space where all items going out are stored (way out of sight.) With months while it is still on hand, if it isn't needed there is far less angst in letting go.

This is not a once-and-done deal, as we age, the stuff we need, want and appreciate change.

As for knick-knacks, when I had a bad shoulder followed by surgery, he had to dust everything - lots of stuff no longer "needs" to be on display.🙃

@sueinmn

What do you tell a couple that both hoard and their house is so full you can barely walk in it? In fact their dining Room is unusable with stuff stacked on the table and the floor.

@frannee I have this same problem except my husband is more like a hoarder. I’m ashamed to have people over because that entrance the living room is stacked with totes of electronics and junk. He won’t even consider getting rid of any of it,

@rollingf Unless they are a danger to themselves or others, I would tell them nothing, unless I personally observed evidence of roaches, mice and other vermin, or pets defecating in the house. Then I would point out the health dangers of living in those conditions. How others choose to live may be distasteful to us, but it is really their choice.

On the other hand, if a person who hoards is endangering a vulnerable partner, parent or children, I would offer to help them find someone to deal with the mess. If no action is taken, I would report them to the authorities. My disabled cousin had to be rescued from just such a situation by her children.

@sueinmn reporting to what authorities, with what possible result ?

@dustycat52

That's tricky when it's someone else's stuff.
Would he be willing to a compromise?

Move some to another spot so the entryway looks nicer for you?

Or maybe a room divider screen?

@pondering No, he won’t compromise.

@nycmusic If there are vulnerable adults or seniors in the house, the report goes to Adult Protective Services, if there are children, to Child Protective Services - either in your county or state. A social worker investigates, and can order a cleanup, removal of the vulnerable person, even bring in officials to condemn the property if beyond saving.
These measures are for extreme situations, not just messy houses that may not meet my standards or yours. Examples - rotting garbage, rodents, pet feces, papers piled near/on gas stoves or space heaters, multiple exits blocked, non-working plumbing, water or heat.

@dustycat52 Oh, 🙁 ... that's unfortunate. Can you put something pretty near by, even something small that you can focus your eyes on?