Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

Thank you for those words. I recently found out my lung cancer has spread to my liver. All I hear and see in peoples faces is "oh with a sad face" This concerned me as I am stage 4 lung cancer and was doing reallyt well 3 months ago. I immediatly went into depression. But I want to be upbeat and happy, Working on paperwork is a struggle but am getting it done. I have a Social Worker helping me. So any words of encouragement will be welcome. 23 years is what I saw in your comment. I feel better now!

@ta52- @olgamarie- @marshall8318 - Good morning. I think that there might be some confusion here. Making end-of-life decisions does not mean that you are choosing death. It means that you are living well, taking care of business. Some of this is similar to buying car insurance. It guarantees certain things. Now if you were a 20-year old I would really wonder why you would do this. I'm guessing that you aren't!

By making a will, even buying cemetery plots makes good sense. This way you make the decisions and there will be fewer confusing decisions for your heirs to make.

When my niece was killed I bought up all the plots around her that I could so that whoever wanted to be near her could. I am a 23+ lung cancer survivor from 2 different lung cancers, 2 open chest surgeries, 2 SBRT's, PTSD, COPD, and various other annoyances. Making end-life decisions, as difficult and morbid as they were, gave me peace of mind. It was a good day of living when I made my decisions.

There is no shame in thinking about dying. Survival is a natural instinct and for a healthy life, I think that those thoughts mature us. Sometimes it's difficult to know what our place is in the world. For me, I had to look at my whole life and that meant both ends.

Hi there fellow copder. Yep it's a pia but it is what it is.
I have severe copd and if that's not enough, my poor decrepit lungs also have bronchiectasis and pseudomonas (a nasty drug resistant bacteria)
I have lots of sputum and spend an hour every morning and another one every evening doing airway clearance . Don't ask.
You don't want to know!
But with all that I don't desaturate and consequently am not on supp O2. I just helped my housekeeper put the laundry away and am sitting here recovering my breath. O2 96% on room air. Sometimes I wish I could turn it up and breathe better.
( housekeeper? Yes. I started saving for home health care when I was diagnosed with severe copd in 2010. No nursing home for me. Without being able to travel or eat out or spend much money there's plenty in that account. I live alone and no way could clean this place)

I also have had two cancers, the second one caused by extensive radiation for the first one and have terrible digestive issues as a result .

But with all that and a clearly limited quality of life, I do have pleasure in my life. There is so much to watch and to read . And so many interesting people to meet on support groups .

And silly optimist that I am I always hope it will get better. Summer is almost here.

I am not involved with hospice yet. Not on palliative either. Cared for my husband for 5 years who was a quadriplegic because of a fall off later. He never complained once and he could not even move his head. That’s why I am excepting whatever comes along. I try walking at least one mile a day and do 1/2 of my house cleaning. Have a cleaning lady do my bathrooms, kitchen and whipping down cabinets. Some days are good some not so good. Going to Mayo Monday and Tuesday for test to see if it’s spread (which small cells keep showing up) more. Right lung has tumor, kidneys, stomach and left long have cells. Prayers have been working miracles.

Merry, I am just being honest. I have severe COPD...almost little cough (sporadic), no phlegm, mainly just shortness of breath with exertion. I have a wonderful pulmonologist, Dr Niven, at MAYO, Rochester. He has me on three nebs... Bravana x2, duoneb x4, Budesinde x2, arythamyacin tab x2, and albuteral as a rescue inhaler. I will be in Rochester 5/27... lung function test and a nitric oxide exhaler test. I just had cataract surgery both eyes. Along with my Alpha 1.

Yes when I was told the cancer was terminal I updated will, made funeral arrangements, planned my funeral mass.all in place. When someone said they wanted something in my home started a list who got what. Health directive in hospitals,Drs offices and one in cabinet at home so it’s handy. Outlived my expected time so rest is all a plus.God will take me when he’s ready for me.

Feelings being alive with COPD

To me it is being alive, NOT living, really. Living is being able to do things that you want and to be unencumbered to any great extent. I live in a caved in tunnel with no escape, knowing that my oxygen, and life will eventually run out... extended only by a daily routine of modern medicines and great doctors. Yes, I smoked and have Alpha 1,,, why aren't people checked earlier, instead of waiting for the diagnosis too late to change your path to death.

Merry, I am just being honest. I have severe COPD...almost little cough (sporadic), no phlegm, mainly just shortness of breath with exertion. I have a wonderful pulmonologist, Dr Niven, at MAYO, Rochester. He has me on three nebs... Bravana x2, duoneb x4, Budesinde x2, arythamyacin tab x2, and albuteral as a rescue inhaler. I will be in Rochester 5/27... lung function test and a nitric oxide exhaler test. I just had cataract surgery both eyes. Along with my Alpha 1.