Anxiety Is Causing Personality “Disorder” ? Not Panic Attack

I empathize with your experience. While I haven't had two-way conversations with myself like you have, I do talk to myself occasionally. For me it's more verbalizing what I'm thinking. It's what I'm thinking and feeling that's the problem. I've always been in complete control of my actions and emotions.

Since going through 4 heart/artery surgeries over the last 3 years, two causing strokes with lasting effects. One affects my speech; another affects my sight. This combined with a bout of internal bleeding caused by an over prescription of blood thinners has pushed me, emotionally, towards a unhealthy preoccupation with my mortality. Since the cardio procedures I'm in good health, exercise at the gym daily, watch my diet and have lost weight. Despite all these positives I'm still nervous and anxious.

@hahnco thank you so much for your response.
You have had a rough time over the last few years and I am sure your body has stored up the trauma.

Our own mortality is anxiety provoking. I believe that it is ingrained into us as humans to worry about our end.
For some, it’s the fear of the unknown, and for others it’s the desire to be united with their creator.

For me, anxiety is brought on by fear of loss. I feel like everyone or everything I have ever loved has been spoiled by other people.
Now, I’m single, live alone and I have surrounded myself with objects that I love. Unfortunately, I tend to guard my objects against others. Anxiety like this is mentally and physically exhausting.
As I write this, I can see just how much anxiety I carry over stuff.

In 2018 I had major losses. My dog died, divorced, house sold, and my daughter died suddenly. Trauma. I can almost call it PTSD.
However, here I am 5 years later. I’ve taken up painting and decorated my home in my own style. I’m happy with that.

You are doing well and taking care of yourself. I applaud you for doing that for yourself. All we have is today. So I guess we will have less anxiety if we stay focused on here and now.

Blessings!

🩷

Just expressing your fear and what you’re going through can be very helpful. Don’t underestimate it!

@gingerw I spoke with my doctor today via telemedicine. When I told him about “adventures” with anxiety, he suggested I try to stay in today only. One day at a time. He said all the anxiety is because I am projecting into the future not even knowing what the future holds. Of course, he’s correct.
So I am just trying to stay in the moment. If I can continue with this, I will be okay.

@SusanEllen66 Being able to give voice to your anxiety is important, and I feel it helps take away the power it can try to inject on you. My experience anyway, and your mileage may vary.

And we know that staying in the moment is easier said than done. I often do self-talk, within my head, but sometimes verbally, too. Our minds process spoken word in a different area of the brain. And, for me, writing down the thoughts/anxieties, and dealing with them by distracting myself with hobbies or outside work helps me. Discover the tools you have available to you, and put them to use! No need to figure that only one thing might work, try them all to some degree. Combine them, watch yourself and see what resonates with you. It is so common that we try to "script" out what may happen.

Feel free to contact me!
Ginger

@gingerw
Thanks so much