Am I coddling?

Posted by MamaBear @dwski, 4 days ago

My adult daughter has been struggling with her health for years and was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia as at least a piece of her health puzzle. Thankfully, I am retired, and can “be there” to support her as needed. I try to meet her where she is at, and assume that she is doing the best she can at any given time.

Recently, my sister accused me of coddling her - definitely implying that I am enabling vs helping her. This comment immediately pissed me off! How dare you?! You don’t really know her situation. You’ve never looked in her exhausted eyes and searched desperately for words of encouragement to help her hold on!

But as the days passed, that comment still haunts me. I want to do whatever I can to truly help my daughter. Is that comment stinging so much because I fear it is at least partially true?

Can some of you give me insight into this? What do you truly need? Are there times when you actually do need “tough love” vs “coddling”?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Fibromyalgia Support Group.

duvaldena | @duvaldena | 4 hours ago

You are doing the right thing by supporting your daughter. I have a genetic disorder that ultimately leads to fibro. We didn’t know about it growing up and I always had health problems. My dad’s tough love and push through it mentality is a big part of the reason I struggled so much. Fibro needs the opposite.

The other comments are right…you need to take care of yourself too. Part of thriving with fibro is setting boundaries and doing it for yourself will help her too.