7 weeks after RARP, feeling frustrated, depressed, waiting to improve

Posted by paulbwatertownct @paulbwatertownct, Nov 19, 2025

I’m 56 years old and was diagnosed with PC, Gleason 9, so the RARP seemed my only option. The nerves could not be spared on one side, but I’m told they were able to spare 90% on the other. My PSA is thankfully undetectable at this point, and I’m grateful for that, however I was not mentally prepared for the after effects.

I’m 7 weeks into recovery and have almost no bladder control when standing, a small amount when sitting, and some amount when laying down or sleeping, however I continue to drip undetected at all times. I’m also dealing with total ED, but I guess it seems too soon to expect that. I recently started PT, but I’m not seeing any weekly improvement in my overall progress.

Is this what everyone has gone through? My wife is being supportive, but the situation is so depressing. How is everyone else coping with this?

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Profile picture for jimgaudette @jimgaudette

Although it is too soon to have the surgeriesand your situation may still improve, you should maybe talk to your doctor about IPP and AUS (inflatable penile prosthesis and artificial urinary sphincter) implants. I got them and only wish I had gotten them sooner.

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@jimgaudette
Thanks

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Profile picture for paulbwatertownct @paulbwatertownct

@melvinw
Interesting option, I was unaware. Thanks for your help.

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@paulbwatertownct Perhaps talk to your urologist about this. Good to know there are options if the incontinence doesn't fully resolve. It was a simple, fairly low risk surgery with general anesthesia. No post-surgical complications for me. I’ve attached a description of the male sling the was provided to me. Best wishes.

Shared files

Male Sling (Male-Sling.pdf)

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Profile picture for heavyphil @heavyphil

Take it slow, brother and DON’T expect to be anywhere near normal for months…
RARP is candy coated with all these feel good phrases like ‘robotic, ‘less invasive, ‘nerve sparing’…and they’re all true! - but only
relative to the old fashioned open type which was pretty brutal.
Don’t get frustrated by how long anything is taking to get back to normal. One thing you will hear on this forum over and over again is “we are all different“. And that holds true for urinary continence and return of sexual function in spades.
Just do whatever your therapist tells you to regain your urinary continence, take the daily Cialis and use a pump to maintain the integrity of your penile tissues. That’s all you can realistically do because whatever will be will be. If after doing everything you are told and you are still no better, then there are certain procedures you might have to look into to give you some relief but that’s a long way down the road.
Just keep your eye on the ball and realize that your insides have been completely rearranged and rerouted and it’s gonna take your nerves, muscles and tissues, a while to re-acclimate themselves.
Ironically, my wife just had her hip replaced at the best orthopedic hospital in the world. They made the procedure sound like a total cakewalk. Robotic, less invasive, quicker recovery…bullshit!! Two weeks out she’s still in pain and has trouble moving her leg at all. I keep trying to explain that this is normal considering she had the head of her femur saw off and all the giant thigh muscles cut! No matter how you sugarcoat this procedure It’s not much different from being T-boned by a drunk driver or attacked by Jason from Halloween…it’s brutal!
But like you, her expectations were set very high, so now she’s more frustrated than anything. I’m finding this is all too common nowadays, the way procedures are presented to us. We think all the high tech mumbo jumbo is gonna change the actual procedure, but all it does is make the surgeons job easier and get you out of the hospital faster – that’s it! Best of luck on your recovery!
Phil

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@heavyphil
I completely agree. Any surgery like PC (which is major) should never be promoted as minor or that recovery will not have issues.

I did not have RP but read from those that did like you. I think you hit the nail on the head trying to explain what to expect beyond some of the sugar coding of having RP.

I am on another forum on MCC about ICD/Pacemakers. Some are shocked at what the feel after surgery. I am shocked they were not informed of how the would feel and what to expect as side affects. I try there to give my experience with the surgeries (I have had it 3 times now) and what I experienced personally and what my EP (Electrophysilogist) said were side effects, what to expect, recovery, and if had this or that contact them immediately.

Your post was informative to those who are going to have RP as well as other surgeries like your wife's. I once had a doctor tell me a surgery was minor. After a tube in my lung, 5 days in hospitial recovering, catherter in my penis, I confronted the doctor (this was over 20 years ago) saying why did you say to me this was minor surgery. Answer: "I was talking about the minor surgetical technique of the surgeon. Wow! Would have been nice to be more clear.

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Profile picture for melvinw @melvinw

@paulbwatertownct Perhaps talk to your urologist about this. Good to know there are options if the incontinence doesn't fully resolve. It was a simple, fairly low risk surgery with general anesthesia. No post-surgical complications for me. I’ve attached a description of the male sling the was provided to me. Best wishes.

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@melvinw
Thanks very much for the info and advice

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