sleep deprivation destroys family

Posted by smoothsailing12345 @smoothsailing12345, Dec 28, 2023

I unknowingly had anxiety and depression from iron deficiency anemia which i didn't know i had. I was up all night unable to sleep. My thoughts were negative and i made big problems out of everything. I believed I was acting normally at the time, due to stress, but i didn't know i had illness. My wife left me and took our daughter. After she left, i went to the doctor and was diagnosed with the iron deficiency anemia. Then i found out its major symptoms were anxiety and depression and these caused sleep deprivation. I was confident my wife would reconcile our family when she found out i was acting so wrongly because of a medical condition i was unaware that i had. Instead, she said i was using it as an excuse for my behavior and has never spoken to me again. I was a calm happy person my whole life and we had a great marriage for almost 20 years before my illness. Does anyone have any advice how i can make my wife understand and save my family?

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debra54 | @debra54 | Dec 29, 2023

Send her info bout the illness. Sorry,but sounds like she's the one using this for a excuse to leave but if not, maybe couples therapy? Best of luck! My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

rjjacobsen | @rjjacobsen | Dec 30, 2023

I have no brilliant things to tell you. I'm not a counselor or mental health professional or practitioner, so anything I suggest is purely speculative.

Assuming you have a counselor or mental health advisor, this would be something to run by them. If you don't have one, it probably would be a good thing to get one to work on this.

A problem I guess from the small amount of info in your post is that she doesn't believe a thing you are saying. Your credibility is zero - maybe below zero. (Ouch! Sorry!) So, your question becomes how do you get through that credibility/trust barrier.

I'm guessing taking complete responsibility for your past actions including true repentance of your failure (without the excuses of the medical condition), backed up by your positive, consistent good behavior going forward over years is your best (maybe only) course of action - and even that may not work. You have to patiently earn that credibility/trust back. Not at all easy.

I'm really sorry for being so raw and tough on you. I don't intend to be mean. Your situation hits very close to home.

Best wishes and I hope you get professional guidance - don't rely on what I wrote above.

gloaming | @gloaming | Dec 30, 2023

I think the advice that your wife was looking to get out is bang on. Sorry. She has moved on, and I sincerely don't believe she is interested in you or that she wants a future with you. I wish I had a better take on this, based on what you have revealed, but I cannot ethically blow smoke for you. I feel badly for all you have endured, and for your un-returned feelings that you still have for her.

However, it costs nothing to ask her to accompany you to a therapist session, or even one with a physician who would educate your wife about how blameless you are. Maybe she'll agree.