Grief in Times of Celebration: The Empty Spot

My holiday season has passed. So many people either forget or do not even know that not everyone celebrates Christmas. So this is the second year that my husband is gone. Last year I did nothing. This year I lit the candles. When it was over I realized I could not do this again. Contrary to what many say, looking back at memories of happy times do not help me. It only makes me grieve more that there will never be any more memories to make.

@thisismarilynb- I understand how you feel. You're right, there won't be any more memories with your husband. But you can make your own yourself and the other people in your life. Even looking back and seeing the strength that you have had to have is one memory. You don't need to think about what you might not be able to do again. But what you can do this day, this month? Looking ahead just brings into play what we won't have instead of what we do.

Have you considered a grief counselor to help you? I don't know what I would do without mine.

I did have a grief counselor. We got along very well. But there is only so much that one can do. We kind of came to the end.

Yes, I suppose that you're right. I dread that day. I love mine.

The understanding of friends and family would be a good start. But only someone who has lost their only child could feel the horrible feeling of grief, the hollowness of one's heart where it was torn apart, the sheer loneliness without your dear child. I pray alot to the Blessed Mother. She knows and understands. I try my very best to appear cheerful, but my heart is broken 💔.

Thank you

Feelings of grief can come up at unexpected times, and holidays can be especially difficult. There are things all around you that trigger memories. It can help to acknowledge that grief will likely be a guest during the holidays.

Checking with members who have experienced loss this past year, many years ago or some time inbetween. Sending a virtual hug. How did you manage this holiday season? How did you hold dear the empty spot?

@colleenyoung Hi Colleen. My wife of 53 years passed away at our home unexpectedly due to cardiac arrest in Feb 2025, and the "triggers" are strong around the holiday season. The firsts are never easy. What I found helpful was keeping in touch with others experiencing grief around the holiday season. I also found it helpful to belong to an in-person support group. I did my best to be with family and friends who live nearby. The empty spot is tough, but my grandkids help.

Merry Christmas!. I lost my husband to 45 years in June of 2025. So this Christmas has only been 6 months since he passed away. I've survived our first Thanksgiving. Our anniversary, his birthday, our oldest son's birthday and I had a liver transplant 5 years ago and we celebrated my transversary . And this was all the same weekend the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. And no I have survived my first Christmas without my husband. I did a mix of old traditions and some new traditions. I spoke to someone I know who is a widower and he said the best thing to do is do you for starters but to celebrate because if you don't do it the first year you will never do it and there might come a time when you regret that you didn't put up the lights and put up the tree and celebrate the season. Don't know if anyone is considered group therapy where you are meeting people with a like experience with the same experience. It's hard to talk to someone who's never lost a spouse and have them understand what you're experiencing!. I've lost both my parents. I lost both my in-laws and this is a different grieving process a completely different grieving process. No one can tell you how to grieve and no one can tell you how to pass through. I use prayer, memories and friends to keep me on an even keel. I wish you all the very best and that you will find some level of calmness. 💗