38+ years of continuous sobriety and still tested at times

I believe that I am a product of my genetics and my environment. I did not choose one day to become an agent of destruction.

I used drugs and alcohol, then latter power and money to avoid me feelings.

I would not be here if it were not for the loving support of a gifted therapist who guided me through the hell of my soul so that I might heal.

I can not tell you what to do. I can tell you that I have never known anyone who made it without some to talk to that was committed to their healing.

On a practical basis, in the beginning I attended AA/NA meetings twice sometimes three times a day. Being in those church basements with others who suffered as I was suffering kept me alive.

For me once I stopped using I never really want that hell back. I wanted the pain to stop. Using would just cause me more pain. I wanted to die for a very long time.

Every minute of everyday was a struggle for quite awhile. Then someone said to me; "maybe you're just not done yet" "maybe you need to suffer more".

I don't like to use profanity, but there is no other way to put it, all could think of was "fuck you if I will use again"!

That kept me clean for longer than I care to admit. Every time I saw him, which was pretty much daily, I'd think "I'm still here, you bastard"! That bastard saved my life.

Eventually I started to recover for real. I embraced the steps, (I tried not think about God too much, figure I'll know soon enough) and worked them like my life depended on it. It did!

My biology had been irrevocably changed by my alcohol and drug use. It took time for my brain to remap. In the mean time when the suffering was really bad, I would imagine myself doing battle with demons. I would think of the members of my group as my army, sometimes I kept fighting so as to not fail them.

For a longtime I didn't love myself to enough to fight for me, so just substituted whatever I cared about the most at the time.

In my experience there is very little certainty in life. I can say with certainty however, that by staying clean your life will improve and the pain will subside to a dull ache, sometimes, I don't even feel it.

As long as I am alive so are my dreams.

I do the best I can with what I have today.

May I suggest that you keep posting, daily if you need, and let us know how you are doing.

You are loved.

You will find peace!

gloriaannjames @gloriaannjames

Congratulation, no matter how long sober, it is still a struggle.

Do you have any suggestions for those still struggling with addiction? How have you been successful?

Wishing you the best in 2024.

Laurie

te deseo mucho suerte en todo y sobre todo tener mucha fuerza de voluntad, yo quisiera ayuda para mi hijo tambien.

@dfb, @barbdk, @silvergirl29, offered a wonderful road map filled with great tidbits of knowledge, in addition, they share an extraordinary amount of sobriety between them.

@msjennifer, What tips from others inspired you or resonated with you? How are you doing on your recovery journey?

@gloriaannjames, With close to 40 years of sobriety and continuing to be “tested” at times, what advice would you share with someone starting a new life of sobriety? What do you wish you had known?

An “attitude of gratitude” has helped me through tough times. I’ll be 45 years sober in June. Now I’m old, but still grateful for every day of sobriety, still going to 2 AA meetings every week, and volunteering to bring a meeting to the county jail twice a month. It’s a simple program for complicated people. I love the uncomplicated life I’ve developed with the support of other alcoholic/addicts.

Never give up ever just keep stepping forward look for people who emanate light and love grab onto them. Watch those who walk the walk, pray, meditate find balance, nature, nutrition,people, there is good in the world. It’s hard to find sometimes, but Worth it.

And remember, you are more than enough just the way you are.