Does anyone feel old and useless with age?

I've read comments from a lot of people here feeling pretty sorry for themselves, because of physical limitations/illness, because their kids or spouses are thankless jerks, because they retired and no longer feel useful - I hear all that loud and clear and I have been there, in some respects I am still there. I don't have any kids or a spouse, I've spent time questioning those decisions, but what's done is done. I retired on the young side because of a serious sleep disorder, compounded by dependency on a sleep med that actually makes my sleep worse, but I'm on it to avoid the excruciating extended withdrawal, which I have experienced, and it made me almost hope for death.

So I understand illness and not functioning at one's best, or some days not functioning at all. I always thought I would work in retirement, but there are several days each week I'm not worth shit, and I've concluded that's wouldn't be fair to an employer. In early retirement, and med withdrawal, I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself (I see a lot of that here) to the extent I became very depressed, it even spread into the days when I was rested. I had changed so much I didn't even recognize myself, I questioned the value of my very existence, and the point of living this life to its natural end, it had turned into such a miserable existence.

And then I had a serious talk with myself. Are you just going to sit back and let this crap-life consume you, or are you going to fight back with everything you've got? I finally chose fighting back. I suspected inflammation might be contributing to my very poor mood, in addition to the sleep deprivation, so I eliminated any food source of inflammation still in my diet - there wasn't much but I also eliminated or cut way back on foods that are high in histamine ( a lot of otherwise healthy ones), which if it overloads our systems can also contribute to inflammation. And I added anti inflammatory foods such as those containing omega 3 fatty acids, a powerful anti inflammatory known to improve mood by drastically reducing inflammation. Food as medicine.

I concentrated on reducing stress, which also contributes to inflammation and low mood. All these stories of sadness and regret and anger and resentment on this thread? That's stress. Ruminating on one's problems and how tough one has it, that's stress. I was guilty of all I am describing, and I had to find a way to let it go. I worked on counted breathing, meditating, taking joy from quiet moments in nature instead of spending the time being pissed off at a relative. And I reinvented my definition of value. There is value in helping other people, and there are a whole lot of other people in this world who are worse off than me. I made a quilt for a sick child in hospital, no idea who, it didn't matter. I began doing watercolor paintings on note cards and mailing greetings, messages of kindness or just funny fluff, to people I know. The painting itself is a lesson in mindfulness, enjoying the moment. And the joy that others experience in receiving something in the SNAIL mail besides bills brings me joy. I make double batches of food, to share half with someone who might not be able to cook, or just as a random act of kindness.
The anger or resentment toward certain humans that I have held onto and revisited over and over - that had to end, and it did. The relationship didn't get fixed, sometimes relationships are irreparable, and the best thing we can do for self preservation is Let That Shit Go. I don't practice religion, but I call my daily run "church" because being outside and being fit and breathing fresh air and being in nature fills me.

So much more, but I hope the message that comes across is that I have been an extremely unhappy person, who has realized that the only one responsible for my happiness is the one looking back at me in the mirror. If you don't like the hand that life has dealt you, YOU are the only one who can change it. It's the hardest work you'll ever do, but if you want to save yourself from the misery you are experiencing, you must take the steps to move in a different direction. Your life may never look like it once did, but you can still make it a worthy one. Nobody can do this for you. Best ~

Hi, your post, comment is very worth the reading. You are rite in so many aspects. The thing is it's the letting go. It's not always easy to remove yourself from ,everything, all stress , relatives, habits. How you see yourself. Can be did disabilitating.. It's like reinventing yourself... So not easy ,especially when we age .you can't always walk away ,,like a bad relationship. Some things stay with us..

Agreed! Reinventing yourself, or reinventing your definition of quality of life and what makes this life valuable is so hard to do, but so critical. Our bodies, minds, life circumstances, health status inevitably change as we age, and it truly sucks. So, we can get stuck in hating how much we can't do, which creates more stress and negative emotion, or we can adjust expectations/priorities and reach for and find fulfilling valuable things we can do.
I knew someone since childhood who had become very old, and couldn't do most of what she did formerly. And she was so graceful about it, she inspired me. She lost her husband, her independence, her mobility, much of her eyesight, suffered regular spontaneous bone breaks from osteoporosis. And yet she remained grateful and positive. Grateful for the life she'd had, grateful for her memories, grateful for caring people in her life. And she made her late life meaningful, even as she was, she adjusted and redirected and moved forward.
She had always been a gifted and inspirational writer, and she dug in deep with that, because it was something she could still do, that had so much value, for herself and for those she wrote to, myself included. And she could still speak in the most lovely and comforting ways, she had the best most contagious laugh ever, and continued to use it, regularly.
The most meaningful phone "conversation" I've ever had came from this woman, my mother's best friend, the first Christmas morning after my mother's death. She had never called at this time before, never since. She intuited that I would have a hard time that morning, oh how right she was, and she called to acknowledge that, to tell me it was ok to be sad and cry for my mother, and knowing I was too choked up to speak, said there was no need to speak, just to hear her words of understanding and encouragement. She spoke of missing her own mother, and of the lovely memories she was having that a.m. of my mother and all the great times they had. I know it's cliche, but I was so seen by this woman. This was her superpower, her value, what she had left to give. This was a woman who had suffered some egregious losses in her life, and had become so limited in what she could do, and she just pivoted, so gracefully, to embrace and focus on what she still had to offer, which was MUCH. She had so little left, but still so much to give. This is how you reinvent yourself.

I've read comments from a lot of people here feeling pretty sorry for themselves, because of physical limitations/illness, because their kids or spouses are thankless jerks, because they retired and no longer feel useful - I hear all that loud and clear and I have been there, in some respects I am still there. I don't have any kids or a spouse, I've spent time questioning those decisions, but what's done is done. I retired on the young side because of a serious sleep disorder, compounded by dependency on a sleep med that actually makes my sleep worse, but I'm on it to avoid the excruciating extended withdrawal, which I have experienced, and it made me almost hope for death.

So I understand illness and not functioning at one's best, or some days not functioning at all. I always thought I would work in retirement, but there are several days each week I'm not worth shit, and I've concluded that's wouldn't be fair to an employer. In early retirement, and med withdrawal, I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself (I see a lot of that here) to the extent I became very depressed, it even spread into the days when I was rested. I had changed so much I didn't even recognize myself, I questioned the value of my very existence, and the point of living this life to its natural end, it had turned into such a miserable existence.

And then I had a serious talk with myself. Are you just going to sit back and let this crap-life consume you, or are you going to fight back with everything you've got? I finally chose fighting back. I suspected inflammation might be contributing to my very poor mood, in addition to the sleep deprivation, so I eliminated any food source of inflammation still in my diet - there wasn't much but I also eliminated or cut way back on foods that are high in histamine ( a lot of otherwise healthy ones), which if it overloads our systems can also contribute to inflammation. And I added anti inflammatory foods such as those containing omega 3 fatty acids, a powerful anti inflammatory known to improve mood by drastically reducing inflammation. Food as medicine.

I concentrated on reducing stress, which also contributes to inflammation and low mood. All these stories of sadness and regret and anger and resentment on this thread? That's stress. Ruminating on one's problems and how tough one has it, that's stress. I was guilty of all I am describing, and I had to find a way to let it go. I worked on counted breathing, meditating, taking joy from quiet moments in nature instead of spending the time being pissed off at a relative. And I reinvented my definition of value. There is value in helping other people, and there are a whole lot of other people in this world who are worse off than me. I made a quilt for a sick child in hospital, no idea who, it didn't matter. I began doing watercolor paintings on note cards and mailing greetings, messages of kindness or just funny fluff, to people I know. The painting itself is a lesson in mindfulness, enjoying the moment. And the joy that others experience in receiving something in the SNAIL mail besides bills brings me joy. I make double batches of food, to share half with someone who might not be able to cook, or just as a random act of kindness.
The anger or resentment toward certain humans that I have held onto and revisited over and over - that had to end, and it did. The relationship didn't get fixed, sometimes relationships are irreparable, and the best thing we can do for self preservation is Let That Shit Go. I don't practice religion, but I call my daily run "church" because being outside and being fit and breathing fresh air and being in nature fills me.

So much more, but I hope the message that comes across is that I have been an extremely unhappy person, who has realized that the only one responsible for my happiness is the one looking back at me in the mirror. If you don't like the hand that life has dealt you, YOU are the only one who can change it. It's the hardest work you'll ever do, but if you want to save yourself from the misery you are experiencing, you must take the steps to move in a different direction. Your life may never look like it once did, but you can still make it a worthy one. Nobody can do this for you. Best ~

I've read comments from a lot of people here feeling pretty sorry for themselves, because of physical limitations/illness, because their kids or spouses are thankless jerks, because they retired and no longer feel useful - I hear all that loud and clear and I have been there, in some respects I am still there. I don't have any kids or a spouse, I've spent time questioning those decisions, but what's done is done. I retired on the young side because of a serious sleep disorder, compounded by dependency on a sleep med that actually makes my sleep worse, but I'm on it to avoid the excruciating extended withdrawal, which I have experienced, and it made me almost hope for death.

So I understand illness and not functioning at one's best, or some days not functioning at all. I always thought I would work in retirement, but there are several days each week I'm not worth shit, and I've concluded that's wouldn't be fair to an employer. In early retirement, and med withdrawal, I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself (I see a lot of that here) to the extent I became very depressed, it even spread into the days when I was rested. I had changed so much I didn't even recognize myself, I questioned the value of my very existence, and the point of living this life to its natural end, it had turned into such a miserable existence.

And then I had a serious talk with myself. Are you just going to sit back and let this crap-life consume you, or are you going to fight back with everything you've got? I finally chose fighting back. I suspected inflammation might be contributing to my very poor mood, in addition to the sleep deprivation, so I eliminated any food source of inflammation still in my diet - there wasn't much but I also eliminated or cut way back on foods that are high in histamine ( a lot of otherwise healthy ones), which if it overloads our systems can also contribute to inflammation. And I added anti inflammatory foods such as those containing omega 3 fatty acids, a powerful anti inflammatory known to improve mood by drastically reducing inflammation. Food as medicine.

I concentrated on reducing stress, which also contributes to inflammation and low mood. All these stories of sadness and regret and anger and resentment on this thread? That's stress. Ruminating on one's problems and how tough one has it, that's stress. I was guilty of all I am describing, and I had to find a way to let it go. I worked on counted breathing, meditating, taking joy from quiet moments in nature instead of spending the time being pissed off at a relative. And I reinvented my definition of value. There is value in helping other people, and there are a whole lot of other people in this world who are worse off than me. I made a quilt for a sick child in hospital, no idea who, it didn't matter. I began doing watercolor paintings on note cards and mailing greetings, messages of kindness or just funny fluff, to people I know. The painting itself is a lesson in mindfulness, enjoying the moment. And the joy that others experience in receiving something in the SNAIL mail besides bills brings me joy. I make double batches of food, to share half with someone who might not be able to cook, or just as a random act of kindness.
The anger or resentment toward certain humans that I have held onto and revisited over and over - that had to end, and it did. The relationship didn't get fixed, sometimes relationships are irreparable, and the best thing we can do for self preservation is Let That Shit Go. I don't practice religion, but I call my daily run "church" because being outside and being fit and breathing fresh air and being in nature fills me.

So much more, but I hope the message that comes across is that I have been an extremely unhappy person, who has realized that the only one responsible for my happiness is the one looking back at me in the mirror. If you don't like the hand that life has dealt you, YOU are the only one who can change it. It's the hardest work you'll ever do, but if you want to save yourself from the misery you are experiencing, you must take the steps to move in a different direction. Your life may never look like it once did, but you can still make it a worthy one. Nobody can do this for you. Best ~

Hi DougKeon,
My husband and I get tired of hearing about how wonderful everyone's grandkids are too! Mostly they are poorly behaved little brats! We have children from two different marriages; (Ours is the second marriage for us both.) However, none of the children or grandchildren talk to us anymore and haven't for years. We all have our different problems.

I'm sorry you couldn't find a job. It's probably your age. I ran into that too at age 40. Have you thought about offering to take people to their doctor appointments? Elderly people would really appreciate this kind of service. Especially those who are alone. Taxi's are very expensive and the buses aren't safe anymore. (At least, the buses aren't safe in Washington State where I live. They let them smoke Fentanyl on them!)

Good luck!
PML

Very well said..I have always taken care of !myself walking at least 35 miles a week. Eating healthy, staying active. No meds. One bend in the road and here I am. And you are..wondering what next is going to go wrong. Now I am on meds. And thinking these are my golden years ,,,mind are more like rusted tin.